I can barely lift it up in the morning,
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to crawl away anymore.
It has become too heavy...
It suffocates me.
The crazy savage who eats holes in my heart
Where the life drips out.
It is two ex-marriages,
Four years of unpaid child support,
My own debts,
and debts someone else incurred,
then dumped in my lap before they ran away and hid.
It is my struggle every moment,
To start over, to be someone else,
To run away myself,
To be free too.
The example my mother gave me
Is silence while suffering
Whatever comes the way of a martyr.
This is not my way,
but it's all I know,
and it does not work...
Does not lift the burden of responsibility,
Does not make it lighter.
Does not ask for, or receive any help.
It only makes the savage hungrier.