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I love the way when you say my name 20 thousand times
I love the way your voice sounds like 50 billion chimes
I love the way you put your 10 fingers through my hair
I love the way you love me even when I'm not there
I love the way you smile at me when i pass through the hall
I love the way you pick me up when i just took a fall
I love the way you kiss me when i don't even expect it
I love the way you put the ring on my finger and it perfectly fit
I love the way you told me that i was the one
I love the way you make me feel good and have lots of fun
I love the way you call me everyday even if I'm busy
I love the way you twirl me around until i get dizzy
I love the way you listen to every thing i say
I love the way you ask me out every single day
I love the way you let me cry on your shoulders even if its drenched
I love the way you caress me and i love it when I'm clenched
I love the way you walk me to my classes before and after class
I love the way you give me a kiss every time we pass
I love the way you sing to me even though your voice is hoarse
I love the way you tell me that you feel any remorse
I love the way you look into my eyes
I love the way we look at the clouds in the clear blue skies
I love the way you dedicate a song for me on the radio sometimes
I love the way you tell me I'm the one, a thousand times
I love the way we look at the sunset every night
I love the way I trust you even if you're out of my sight
I love the way you cook for me, even though you can't
I love the way you say that our love is like a plant
I love the way you explain that our love will always grow
I love the way you let your love for me show
BUT I hate the way you told me that we were now through
Is there anyone out there that won't break my heart in two

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The following comments are for "I Love the Way"
by 7MidniteTears

Wa-a-y too much!
No, no, no, not this much repetition with very little in between. Very quickly I began to skip the "I love the way you" parts and just read what it was you loved. I'm very sorry that your heart was broken - yet again, it sounded - but this time it did not inspire good writing. Until the end, this is nothing more than a laundry list of what you liked about the person. The end was good - a very unexpected twist - and again, I'm sorry about that. If, that is, this is true. cyn

( Posted by: Cyn [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

I have to agree with Cyn. Way too much repetition. You have some descent rhyme,etc, but they are hard to find.

You could've gotten the same point across by starting out--

I love the way...
(insert list here)

( Posted by: Cynical_Scribe [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

I meant decent!! I hate it when I do that!! :D

( Posted by: Cynical_Scribe [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

Great start
I think this is a great start. I agree that it would have been a good way to take out the repetition with the "I love the way you..." and listing the rest after that.

I think there are a lot of great feelings and emotions in this one. The end was definitely not expected. Keep at it. I will look for more from you.

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

7midnite: Love the Way
Tears: I like the love the ways. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways... There you have them. However, I'd double space to make for an easier read on the eyes. I kept getting lost visually. And I wanted to be able to read it all the way through.

It has the potential to be a good song, by the way.


( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

Self Expression
I like "Love the Way" it is deep. If that is how you are expressing your feelings it should be done your own way and not how others think you should do it. Great Job Anyway!

( Posted by: Jadahaze30 [Member] On: December 9, 2004 )

thank you
thanks self-expression. sry to everyone who says it has too much repition, (i just started. i guess from hearing all these comments im a really bad writer =[ )sorry.


( Posted by: 7MidniteTears [Member] On: December 10, 2004 )

Not a bad writer!!
You're not a bad writer at all. I think the ideas you're coming up with are very real and very good. I was just trying to offer ways you might help the reader see the details of the writing, by making the same point without the repetition of the one phrase.

You have done a great job. By no means do I think you are a bad writer!! Please keep at it.

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: December 10, 2004 )

Bad writer?
Another way Jose, but never call yourself a bad writer without proof.
Proof 1: A bad writer ALWAYS slags off other writers who don't give them 'daahling, you're so wonderful' type comments.
Proof 2: A bad writer always ignores advice offered by other writers.
Proof 3: A bad writer makes no effort to improve him/herself and swans around telling friends 'I DO happen to be a poet, IF you don't mind.'
You don't seem to fit the description - sorry, you're not a bad writer - you're a beginner. Believe me, you will improve if you work at it, writing is no easy thing. Please don't apologise for just starting out or I'll bite yer (grrrr).
Writing is a magical journey through the imagination, you've taken the first step AND been brave enough to share that step with others.
Practice, practice then more practice.
Take care
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: December 15, 2004 )

oh please
Oh c'mon Tears, from what do you gleen that you're a bad writer? From a few comments that suggest you leave the repetition behind? I have little room for the "oh, I guess I'm no good" boo-hoo's. take a little criticism. its good for you. it doesn't matter how little or how much you've written -- learn and grow from this experience. No one wants to hear excuses. Let us judge your work without bias.
And to the respondents -- don't be so quick to take the bait.
As far as the poem goes: it does have value in its content. the form is hackneyed, but is easily improved by removing the repetition (though repetition is not bad in and of itself!)and experimenting with meter. Re-read your poem, and digest it whole. What are you saying? What's at its core? Now re-write it in 8 lines. Give it a try, and keep trying!

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: December 15, 2004 )

Erm Brad?
You and I have offered basically the same advice.
I have advised Tears not to apologise for being a beginner, not to ignore advice from other writers, take criticism and use to improve her writing style. Different writers have different temperaments, your 'little room for boo-hoo's' suggests that you should try to be a bit more sensitive. I agree with the rest of your comment, rewriting and revamping are necessary parts of the creative process.
Now give us a kiss - muuuuuuuah! (shnee, shnee!)
Take care
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: December 15, 2004 )

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