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Before you read this, you should know that if you haven't seen the movie, Ocean's Eleven, you will probably read this piece and say, "that was the most stupid bit of unfunny writing ever." Just to let ya know.


Part III
Everyone was now on the move. Jake Vinton and Sam Mountjoy would be entering the vault together. Sam Brown had already been carted down to the vault that lies under the casino. He of course was hiding in the cart that the security thought to simply be chips.
Jeremy was keeping an eye out for any signs of danger, all while dealing in blackjack; talk about a true hero to be able to multitask as such. Joseph Caldera was back at the headquarters with everyone on speakerphone so that he could make sure they were all right. Ben Mountjoy and Cameron Nelson were to fake being doctor and having a heart attack; Cameron being the patient, and Ben being the doctor. James Black was the bodyguard. He stood in the way of all the security, and if they tried to get past him he would ruff them up a bit. Shaun Richardson was waiting in a parking lot on the other side of town in his van, with the pinch in the trunk. The pinch of course would knock out all the power so that Sam and Jake could slip past the motion sensors.
And then it began. Jake and Sam slipped through the door that Joseph had done a little earlier, and they then came to an elevator that would take them straight down to the vault. Jake held his small microphone up to his mouth and whispered.
“Alright Josephs, give ‘em the new picture on the monitor.”
“Check.”

“Hey Phil, look at the monitors, they all have solid blue desktop backdrops on them!” The man on security shouted. “What the hell? Call for backup, we got a robbery in progress!”

“Good job Joseph, we’re in. You can switch the picture back now.”
The elevator began to take them lower and lower.
“Hurry up Phil, who knows how far the robbers could be!”
Suddenly the door to the room burst open and in came Cameron and Ben.
“Help me I’m having a heart attack!” Ben shouted as he clutched his chest and fell over.
“Don’t worry boys, I’m a doctor!”
“Well that’s convenient,” one of the security guards said.
“Phil, forget calling backup, this is more important.”
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Suddenly Cameron screamed.
“Oh my Lord, my chest! My chest!” He clutched Ben’s shirt in his hands. “I’m really having a heart attack!”
“I know you are,” Ben said as he winked at him and gave him a thumbs up.
“No, you dumb ass, I mean I’m really having a heart attack!”
One of the security guards walked over and put a hand on Cameron’s shoulder.
“It’s alright,” he said, “this man here is a real doctor.” He ushered his hand to Ben.

“Excuse me,” James said, putting a hand out to block the man from entering the door that led to the hall. “But no one is allowed in here right now.”
The man frowned.
“But I own this casino.
“Yeah I’ll bet ya do.”
“Do I need to call security?”
“Nope.”
“Well then let me in.”
“No can do.”
“SECURITY!”
“You just don’t like to make things easy for me do you?”
James picked up a barstool sitting at a slot machine not four feet away from him. He ran it right across the man’s face, the legs of, along with the man’s face. Now with the attention of the casino, security began rushing in from all sides.
“I’ll never go down! Never!”
Jeremy saw his friend in need, and looked at the man he was dealing.
“I’m sorry, but your three pair loses to the six of a kind.”
“Are we still playing blackjack?” The man asked.
“Never mind that, I have to go!”
Jeremy ran into the mob of security and began beating them off James.

Cameron hadn’t taken a breath for five minutes now. Wow, this is some acting job he’s pullin’. Ben thought to himself. To make him look professional, he went to feel the pulse but found none.
“Ah crap.”

Jake and Sam had reached the hallway with the vault door at the end of it.
“We’re going to need Shaun to set off the pinch pretty soon. You about ready Shaun?”
“Yeah, just about. Give me a sec, okay?”
“Gotchya.”

James and Jeremy stood with their backs against the window of the twentieth story floor suite, with nowhere to go except down.
“You’re surrounded! Give up!”
“Never!” James shouted. “I’m not going back to jail!”
He opened the window and did a superman-like dive outward. Jeremy went to follow but was gunned down before he could take two steps.

“Alright guys, here goes nothing,” Shaun said into his mic.
He stepped back and observed the pinch, and then pushed the detonate button on the remote control. But quite unfortunately for him, he had made a great error by mistaking a nuclear bomb for the pinch. Half of Las Vegas was wiped out in seconds, including Shaun.
The power went out in the hallway, and Sam and Jake made a run for it. They reached the door and knocked on it to signal to Sam Brown that it was show time for him.
Sam carefully opened the lid to the box he was in, and stood on top of it. He went to do the back flip. Midway through, just as his head was level with the floor, and his feet sticking straight up, he stopped completely. His body was perfectly wedged between the ground and ceiling, and then in between to cabinet.
“Damn it!”
“Did you hear that?” Sam asked Jake. “That was the signal. He said do it!”
Jake and Sam pulled the pins on their grenades, and ran back for cover. The doors were blown open, and Jake and Sam ran inside. Sam Brown was in a bloody heap against the wall; dead.
“Grab the money!” Jake yelled.
They filled two duffle bags each of cash that was in crates inside the room, and then ran out. They went back up the elevator, and when the doors opened, found that there was no longer a hallway leading to the elevator. There was no main room, or anything at all aside from rubble.
“Wow! Those grenades really did some damage!” Sam said.
“Tell me about it,” Jake replied.
“You two okay?” Came Joseph’s voice on the microphone.
“Yeah we’re fine, and we got the money too.”
Both Jake and Sam were rather startled when some rubble began to move a few yards away. After a few seconds, Ben Mountjoy climbed out.
“Did you guys do it?”
“Sure did!”
“Woot! Lets go back to Cameron’s house and call it a day then, shall we?”
“We shall.”
And so it was accomplished, although four men were lost doing it, it was a small price to pay for obtaining two hundred and twenty billion dollars-give or take.
Although the authorities never did catch the five survivors, they did use Jeremy’s records to track down and take into custody, his entire family.



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Comments

The following comments are for "Ocean's Eleven Consecutive Life Sentences: 3"
by ArturHawking

Funny, period
This was freaking hilarious, short and sweet. Truly funny.

( Posted by: TheGreatSage [Member] On: December 7, 2004 )

thanks
Thanks Gsage, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

( Posted by: ArturHawking [Member] On: December 8, 2004 )

reply
Just a reply to your comment: In England (where harry potter is from, the book is entitled Philosopher's Stone. Also thank you for recognising that what I really cared about in writing a story about sex with zombies was not being lame. Thank you. I love you. And I love having sex with your anus.

( Posted by: ThwanCondu [Member] On: December 10, 2004 )





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