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All of you have troubles
I can see them, churning deep within
Results of bad experiences
Suffering caused by a once-delightful whim

Things disturb you deep within
Keeping you awake
Demanding your obedience
Affecting the choices you make

I am here for you, and I ask you,
Though it may not be an easy feat,
Try to release them all as you sit upon me,
The toilet seat.

Stay metal!

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The following comments are for "Fortress Of The Waste"
by xitwound117

Toilet Troubles
Even though this poem is a touch on the lame side, it is funny and entertaining from the toilet's "point of view" I like it.


( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: December 5, 2004 )

A Sequel?
Is it terribly wrong to think this could be a sequel to your Massacre of Beans?

A humurous poem, xitwound, you seem to have a touch for the simple.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: December 5, 2004 )

Of beans and toilets
A sequel? Depends on how you look at it. They both have the same structure and style to them, and they both were written with the same intent, so they could be sequels in a similarity aspect. But this was not written with the intent or purpose of being a sequel.

Jessica, perhaps things wouldn't be so surprising and shocking if you just remembered two things: things are never what they seem, and anything can be laughed at. My writing is sort of a tool of mine to show that nothing is ever too serious. Although, my bigger goal is to write something that people enjoy reading, and so I am glad you enjoy my writing.

williamhill, yes, its a touch on the lame side. That's the point. It was kind of painful for me to write this because it just seems to stupid, but the whole thing adds up to some sort of toilet issue rather than a real problem. Its more of a parody of overused poetic themes, and as such it needs to have some of the elements.

Anyway, thank you all for the reviews!

( Posted by: xitwound117 [Member] On: December 6, 2004 )

though it pains me, not bad
putting my bias aside ( a bias based on your heavy metal affiliation, user name, and uncalled -for-hostitility toward my self referentail post), i like your stuff. Generally i'm dismissive of bathroom humor subject matter because i end up feeling embarassed for the writer, but this was well-done -- a clever parody of the over-earnest poem. And your other "poems" are also artful. Again, I was ready to dismiss them as the product of an adolescent fascination with the cliche world of metal lyrics, but you have certainly transcended that medium, and perhaps i'll rethink my bias. The problem with much parody is that its not up to the level of that which it is parodying, but you're able to create good images and weave words into a baroque, heavy text so that the "punchline" works. good.

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: December 8, 2004 )

I do not see how one could be biased against heavy metal with such assurance. Not to mention my name. And my post on your work that included a scream for attention was not hostile; it was reprimanding. I am not a hostile person, but I do criticize where I think criticism is due. Is it so terribly harsh to be simply honest? And my name is hardly hostile. Not only is it not a depiction of the violence itself but rather the effect, but it could also be unrelated to the literal meaning. Perhaps I am referring to the movie, Exit Wounds (which, ironically enough, I didn't hear of it until my use of this name, so you can rule that out, but it still could be a possiblity). Or perhaps the name is a symbol of what I do; my writing could be perhaps not ground-breaking and revolutionary, but rather the product of an object/style of writing propelled by something else.

As for the bias against metal, I can only say that is the product of closeminded ignorance. Now that is not a hostile attack or a rabid defense of what I like, but rather an observation. I am very openminded musically, I do not make presumptions about other people based on their musical tastes. I respect everyone by who they are and not by what they like, which is how I think all respect should be based on. Yet in your eyes I have to be almost forgiven for my affiliation with metal. That, I think, is unjust.

Adolescent fascination with metal lyrics? Clearly I have proven that metal lyrics have a small effect on my writing, but I don't understand how it would be an "adolescent" fascination.

Perhaps you are confused. What you say sounds alot like you have been given a bad impression of heavy metal through nu-metal crap. When I say metal, do you think Slipknot, or Dimmu Borgir? Mudvayne, or Megadeth? Slipknot, Mudvayne and whatever other nu-metal bands are out there (I don't remember that crap) aren't real heavy metal.

Anyhow, I am pleased (I guess) that I showed that everyone does not adhere to stereotypical and delusional rules. I appreciate your comments and criticism just as much as anyone elses. Thank you.

( Posted by: xitwound117 [Member] On: December 10, 2004 )

again, i think that "scream for attention" is an exaggeration born of over reaction, but enough.

glad you were able to wade through my qualifiers to reach my conclusion that despite the context that i view metal in, i find your work imaginative. perhaps you've been partly successful in changing my perceptions? isn't that what good writing should do?

anyway, let's forget all this and move on.

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: December 10, 2004 )

i gotta say mate, that was hilarious. the poem's still good before it takes the wholly unexpected turn, but the ending just tops it. couldn't see it coming and make me literally laugh out loud, as it were. well done

( Posted by: bingham66 [Member] On: February 12, 2005 )

xit number 2......
Amusing point of perspective...Saw comparitive pieces on stalls in freshman dorm.. Don't think they were Lit majors?


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 12, 2005 )

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