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Someone told me to put them in smaller doses, so here goes nothing. Three haiku's that connect.

A dull feeling of envy
Time is gifted.
In solitude,
The burning water,
Tower of hope.
Pain retribution,
A just reward for living,
Mine has started.

All not saved will be lost.

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The following comments are for "A small dose"
by Siah

Dance, Siah
I may not be gifted enough to see the connections in a larger buffet of your work, but I must say I like the way your haikus connect here. And... did you realize the way they can be read backwards, too?

Mine has started
A just reward for living
Pain retribution

Tower of hope
The burning water
In solitude

Time is gifted
A dull feeling of envy

Siah, I may just call you Bojangles, cause that's dancing. Keep on keeping on, my friend.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: November 23, 2004 )

I didnt notice
Thanx man. And i didnt realise i could read it that way. I guess i was fixated on the meaning behind it. Anyway, thanx and i hope you can teach me more.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: November 23, 2004 )

these work quite well as epigrams or possibly even aphorisms, but they do not seem to qualify as any kind of good haiku that i have ever come across.

what guidelines to haiku are you following here? please excuse my ignorance...

( Posted by: myron [Member] On: November 29, 2004 )

I was following the 5-7-5 rule. Basically it had to include a seasonal word. But what i did was i wrote three haiku's beneath eachother and thus forming together a big thread of haiku's.

( Posted by: Siah [Member] On: November 29, 2004 )

thanks siah - yes i could see you wrote these as a sequence (i think it's called a rensaku). i thought the poems leant more towards statements which told the reader what the emotions were, which is why i wondered if they were epigrams.

my understanding of haiku is that they use images to do with the senses which then imply an emotion to the reader. the images also need some sort of juxtapostion...

there are many kinds of haiku, and sometimes it becomes confusing for me. haiku seem easy to write but good ones are very difficult.

but that's the beauty of learning how to write, i guess - it's a lifelong process...

( Posted by: myron [Member] On: November 29, 2004 )

My favorite line...
A dull feeling of envy
i dont know where to put my finger on why i do, but that line is very wondeful because it makes it a HUMANIZED form of emotion. I dont know how to articulate it well but that line stuck ou the most for me.

( Posted by: ryangilr0y [Member] On: March 20, 2005 )

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