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Two Short Ones.. .

I am a leaf,
blown,
dependant on the wind for flight -
I fall.
Yet, every leaf has its pile.
Impossibly, every leaf fits where it lands,
and in just the right place.
Sometime, Somehow.
It requires patience.

-and-

Do scarecrows suffer from wanderlust?
Vagabonds by right,
endless fields on all sides, mountains in the distance.
They're garbed in worn patchwork – your regular hobo – perfect for aimless travel.
But, they can’t move. They merely watch.
Motionless.
Do scarecrows suffer from wanderlust?

.ak!plt.


------
-=[ Blank this intentional space! ]=-


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Comments

The following comments are for "Two Short Ones"
by ak7raplt

Wow...
ak7ralpt, Wow, these were wonderful!!! They flowed nicely and had wonderful stories that seemed to be woven into the poem. Each of these also were kind of packaged together, meaning that as a poem they just seemed right. I am not making very much sense, I fear. Let's just leave it at that I really, really liked them and can't really say why. Later, Dras

( Posted by: Drastine [Member] On: May 1, 2002 )

nice
really liked the pieces, the imagry, everything. i've no real comments on how to imrpove it, but i give a 9 because it feels like something is missing from the second one, not sure what it is though. on a different note, since i do not have your e-mail, if you liked the Just A Teen thing, then why the 0? just curious. peace out. ~DragonessWriter

( Posted by: DragonessWriter [Member] On: May 1, 2002 )

Re: Drastine & DragonessWriter
Along the same lines, thanks (Drastine & DragonessWriter both) for the reviews. I apprecaite it. However, more than a number, I appreciate the reasoning behind the number. In the end, the reasoning will count towards molding myself into a better writer, and the number only towards attitude. My email is posted under my name on the membership listing. .ak!plt.

( Posted by: ak7raplt [Member] On: May 1, 2002 )

Not half bad
Not half bad, you have the wording well made, the grasp of what you want to say is well told, it's good, very good.

( Posted by: TrojanTony [Member] On: May 1, 2002 )

to ak7raplt
Personally: I like the first one better but both of these are quite wonderful. My problem with the second one is mainly with the suddeness of the transition. It was almost shockingly fast. Objectively: Just as one was sinking into thought and the motionless of the moment, the last line shows up and pops a question as a small child does at times. The effect is great, and quite delightfully innocent.

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: May 2, 2002 )

beautiful
Beautiful work lad.

( Posted by: DarkMagic [Member] On: May 3, 2002 )

re: Two Short Ones
I enjoyed these poems. Thank you for sharing them.

( Posted by: ESeufert [Member] On: May 16, 2002 )





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