Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9TheGadfly

You must login to vote

Abyss

I stand on the cliff and look down into the abyss of eternity
It stares back with a bleak, consuming hopelessness
And I see the sweet, suffocating promise of oblivion.
The cliff stares up at me as the rocks invite me;
I stare down at the rocks as their arms embrace me.
A rush of air, a moment's pain and ... oblivion...


~ This actually started off as a status message for Yahoo but I warped it into a poem. ~

------
Give me a reason to love life
Prove to me happiness is real
Show me the undying light of hope
And I will cast away the darkness.



Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Abyss"
by one.true.lady.uk

....
i liked this poem a lot but i have just one suggestion. i think that the title should be oblivion rather than abyss. i'm not sure what makes me feel that way..maybe the repeated use of the word "oblivion" but regardless of the title...this was a great poem. makes me want to jump.

jimmy g.

( Posted by: JimmyAndHisRocket [Member] On: November 17, 2004 )

Abyss vs Oblivion
I often get told that titling a poem by the most common word within it is cliche and can be rather a nuisance, though it works with songs ... titles don't really matter anyway do they?

( Posted by: one.true.lady.uk [Member] On: November 17, 2004 )

titles are honey
i used to think that titles didn't matter but then i realized when i joined this site that titles are the thing that pulls someone to read the writing. not that "abyss" doesn't scream "READ ME" but i the feeling just struck me that your post should be titled oblivion. i believe that writers need to give more credit to title but i also believe that you should call it what you feel the title should be. as to the nuisance of using the most repeated word...that may be true but i think it depends on the word that is repeated. sometimes it is an awful idea but sometimes i believe that it works.

jimmy g.

( Posted by: JimmyAndHisRocket [Member] On: November 17, 2004 )

jumping
i really liked this, jumping never sounded so good.

( Posted by: supergranny [Member] On: November 18, 2004 )

The precipice
The beckoning escape from reality is mired in confusion, so the leap from the edge seems appealing. How sad and utterly selfish.

This was a very good write. You paint this picture well even if it is the farthest thing from the truth.

( Posted by: TheGadfly [Member] On: November 18, 2004 )

Gadfly
"The beckoning escape from reality is mired in confusion, so the leap from the edge seems appealing. How sad and utterly selfish."

Nice use of words in that first sentence, quite impressed actually, but ... not a very nice come back. It was an image in my mind that I had for a moment and I wrote it down. This is not a poem saying I am depressed I want to die, or oh loo if your sad then jump, just an expression of that image.

( Posted by: one.true.lady.uk [Member] On: November 18, 2004 )

Power of Words
Forgive me if the ring of my words sounded harsh. The impression left by the reader is one of suicidal contemplation (ideation.) Having personally witnessed the aftermath of suicide in my work, the sheer hopelessness which envelopes such tormented souls,I am confounded when I read words which paint alluring images of "ending it all."

My apologies.

( Posted by: TheGadfly [Member] On: November 19, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: