*Welcome to a story that is still in progress stages, what I'm giving here is the basic foundations for it, it's all written out and the characters are getting a little more work. But this is a novel I am working on, this is just the second rough draft of it, the first I won't show. It's set a few months after A wish of forever and ends a few years later. It is also an R rated story as it has swearing, sexual comments and some adult manner that I felt it needed. The characters, except for Amy and myself, are fictious characters and modeled after people I know. Now lets get the ball rolling and I hope you enjoy it, this story is also set here in the UK and ends in the fishing town near to where I live, it also has parts in North Carolina. This isn't real, thankfully, but who knows, life happens in so many different ways. Enjoy.*
You must login to vote
Chapter 1: Of meetings and meanings
I used to believe that when you fall in love, you get the love returned in full, guess I was wrong. I fell in love with someone and while I loved him with all my heart, he didnít love me in return. At first I thought he was just being rude, but I soon found out why, but I wonít tell you, why should I? Youíll find out why later, for now, I will begin my story.
Iím sore, really sore, I should consider buying a better computer chair, this one is somewhat worn out from all the use it gets. Well as Iím somewhat finished for today, Iíll get up and stretch my somewhat sore body and go outside for a bit, it may be early spring, but so what? The cold air will do me good after writing for seven hours straight, believe me, you never want to do that without at least one hourís break. Learned my lesson now though, I can tell you. I push my chair back and stand up, stretching my tired and sore body and with a scratch in a few areas, and then go outside for some fresh air. Ah, now that is good cold fresh air, oh yeah! A little shake of my body a second later and I go back inside to answer the call of nature and then to get a bite of late breakfast and something to drink. A bowl of cereal and a glass of fresh orange juice later, Iím awake, but still somewhat sore. Really must take more breaks, well I think Iíll go for a walk then, could do some good to loosen my bones. Grabbing my coat, I leave the house that I live in all by myself and head for the small footpath that will take me to the village. The air is still cold and crisp, nice and refreshing. I love a good walk, when I used to live in Dundee, there werenít a lot of places that were nice and quiet what with Dundee being a city and all, so I loved to walk about whenever my parents would take me and my brother and sister for camping trips. My brother and sister hated it, but I loved it, better than TV and a life not knowing of the true wonders of the world, not death, not killing and suffering, but nature. Heaven indeed. I moved here to the village of Tiaers two years ago after I got annoyed of the distractions of city life, my friends and family, minus my mum and dad who were happy for me, all said that I would be back within the week, guess I proved them wrong, didnít I? Itís nice here, quiet and picturesque, the people are also nice enough, they donít mind strangers, as long as you donít do anything to make them hate you. I love to make friends, but Iím somewhat quiet a lot since I tend to spend most of my time writing and walking about, I do say hi to everyone, but I donít have a lot of friends here. Maybe I should consider being more social more often. I think Iíll go by the library, maybe some new books have come in, hope so, I can afford new books at any time since I was born into a rich, if not in looks but money wise, family. We never showed how rich we were, as my dad likes to say, íMoney is everything to a lot of people, but it canít buy you what is important, happiness and true friendship.í I think he has a point, I have a lot of money, but I like to just use it if needed, not because I can. I love to just be alive, even if the world is somewhat crazy. The village is about two miles away on foot and although I could take my car, I like to just walk there instead, itís lazy using the car for short trips. I reach the village and make my way to the library, meeting and chatting to a few people on the way. The village is small, only five streets large, it has a small, but very well stocked shop, an okay library and a small doctorís clinic. Like I said, itís quiet and calming, but itís not somewhere you would want to spend your life in. As I reach the library, someone bumps into me softly and I step back.
ďSorry about that, guess I should have been paying attention.Ē I turn and look into the face of someone I havenít seen here before.
ďItís okay, I should have been looking left, then right before walking the sidewalk. You new here? Havenít seen you before.Ē Heís at least, by a guess, an inch smaller than me, but itís not his size that I see, itís his eyes, they seem to be really dark, yet easy to see, as if heís seen a lot on life and always on the lookout for more to see. They seem to roam about, yet never move at all. His hair is as black as night, his skin is a little dark, yet not totally dark. He seems to carry himself with a kind of quiet air, as if one word from him could do things that make a difference. I donít know why, but when I look at him, I see someone who doesnít fit in the world, instead he seems to be the world in so much ways, a world that has no chance of ever being real. Kindness, caring, all in one person and he just keeps it hidden from people easily, yet I can also see pain in his eyes, as if heís suffered a lot in his life. A past in the shadow of fear and pain, and his future unfolding by something he has always known about, weird to be thinking that just from one look. What does he see in me though? I can tell heís looking into my eyes, yet heís looking at a forest over by the village, while also looking at the library, weird.
ďEmm, what? You too, guess my eyes must fascinate people, all my friends keep saying I have odd eyes, dark mysterious ones. All I see in my eyes is just a little brown and a little bloodshot from poor sleep. Guess I better introduce myself then, Iím Neil, Neil Wyatt. I just moved here yesterday, just dropping by here to get some books, ran out of anything to read last night.Ē I donít hear his words, instead I feel like for no reason just kissing him here and now, whatís wrong with me?
ďNickola, thatís my name. Nickola Haris, nice to meet you. I moved here two years ago, I live near the village, just taking a walk to get some fresh air and maybe a couple of books.Ē He smiles a little at something and shakes his head a little.
ďWell it was nice to meet you Nickola, guess Iíll see you around then.Ē He starts to move on to the library and I consider just letting him go on, but I do something else instead, I talk to him.
ďNeil, wait. I donít know why, but I was wondering and this is real strange for me since weíve only just met a minute ago, but I was wondering if you would like to come up to my house for a chat after weíre both done here at the library, that is if you want to.Ē Is it me or was that the most oblivious way to say, íHey, I like you and was wondering if I could have hot naked sex with you, is that okay?í Must be the air or his eyes, because Iíve never felt like this before and I have loved before, but this feels different, this is like Iíve met the most important person in my life, pass me the thermometer doc, I think Iím ill, love sick kind of ill.
ďAre you okay? You look like youíre ill.Ē Damn, he hit the jackpot, I am ill, ill in love for him, why though?
Nickola looks ill and I think I know what it is, when she looked in my eyes, she saw something there that my friends saw, even Donna commented on it, she saw everything about me, my past, my future and my reason of life. Damn, why canít I hide what I am? For the last few years, Iíve been told that Iím a saint, that I'm kind, caring, helpful, talented, loving, everything nice and I find it hard to believe. Iím not like that, itís just the way Iíve always been, no point being bitter and twisted, living in the past of pain and sorrow, have to move on with my life. Iím not evil, not sick and twisted, Iím just different, Iíve been told that Iím not a normal person in this world where anger and hatred of each other is normal, that I stand out from the human race in so much ways, maybe I do, maybe I donít. But I think Nickola needs a cold shower, or at least something to make her take her eyes off me, I donít mind it, but to see the look of pure lust and love in her eyes and only after just meeting, is unsettling. What is it about me that people like these days? I hope Nickola doesnít try anything though, Iím too busy for it, and Iím already in love, even if I donít show it. Great, second day here and I think I have someone who is going to make me laugh no end with silly attempts to get me in her bed, fun, I donít think. Two years of this, how on earth am I going to hold out?
Iím not sure how I got into the library, first I was staring at Neil, completely love sick with him and then next, I was standing next to him outside the library, four books in my arms, totally zoned out.
ďNickola, I think I better walk you home, you seem to be somewhat confused or is it something else? Anyway, as Iím in no hurry to get home, then I can easily help you home.Ē I can feel him helping me home and I manage to finally think straight.
ďNeil? Oh God! Iím so sorry, I donít know what came over me, Iíve never felt like that, Iím so sorry!Ē He shakes his head and just focuses on helping me out.
ďItís okay, itís nothing. You live just up here, two miles up? Looks like a nice walk, well, after you I guess.Ē I step forward and we head to my house, even though my thoughts are more on Neil, why am I like this to a complete stranger?
ďI must be a sight, staring at you like that, Iím really sorry for that. You donít need to do this though, Iím sure I can get home myself, thank you.Ē Neil looks back at the village and then at me.
ďYou sure? Well okay, take care and Iíll see you again sometime, bye.Ē As he turns to leave, I grab him and he seems to shudder, why did he do that?
ďNeil, maybe it would be nice after all, it would be nice to have someone round for a little while.Ē He turns back and looks at me,, is that fear in his eyes?
ďNickola, I donít know you and you donít know me. Iíll get going now, bye again.Ē I stop him again and he shudders again, is it touch that makes him do that?
ďWhy do you keep doing that? Is my touch that offensive to you?Ē I pull my hand back and he steps back slowly, is he scared of me?
ďIíve just had a bad time when people touch me, itís not you, itís just something from years ago. Itís not you though, I just think that itís best for me to go home after all.Ē Heís trying to lie, but heís holding back from even that, is there something about him thatís scared of people?
ďNeil, it would be lovely to have a friend round, if you donít mind me calling you a friend only after weíve just met that is. Please, some company would be nice.Ē He must have helped me pick my books because I take a quick glance at them and I can see he picked books I havenít read yet and which look oddly interesting, thatís quite a skill he has there.
ďI....Okay, since youíre asking. Lets go then, but Iím only doing this because youíre asking me, not because I want to, because I am somewhat busy in fact, but I guess it can wait.Ē At that sudden moment, I wanted to just hug him and kiss him, but I think he would fight me if I tried that, I can see fear in his eyes, but itís slowly fading and becoming what I guess is a calm mood, like last time. I think Iím going to find out a lot about him, if I can get him to just open up a little more.
I wish she hadnít touched me like that, I have an annoying fear of people because of an incident years ago. Even though, for Donna Iím fighting it and so far itís kind of working, but not too well, still feel a little afraid of people at times. Now Nickola wants me to go to her house, guess Iíll have to be on my guard, a waste of energy that I donít have a lot of, but to be kind, Iíll have to just cope. Damn these limited bodies, may be a human, but sometimes I wish my body wasnít so frail and problematic, why are us humans so weak? Oh way, better be nice as usual, but just once I would like to have some time to myself, like right now. I wish I could talk to Donna though, I always feel better after talking to her, have to stay calm and cool, calm and cool, control my fear and Iíll be just fine, I hope.
Chapter 2: True fears
The rest of the walk back to my house is quiet, Neil thinking about something, me trying to keep my hormones in control, not easy, I can tell you. When we reach my house, I open the front door and Neil steps back, guess Iím being too fast or somethingís holding him back.
ďPlease, come on in, I donít bite. Just thought it would be nice if I opened the door and welcomed you in.Ē He looks like heís just going to say goodbye and leave, but he just shrugs instead and slowly walks forward, thatís better. We enter my home and I take my coat off, I gesture for Neilís and he takes his coat off slowly, as if waiting for something to happen so that he can quickly whip his coat back on and run, what happened to him in his past to make him so cautious?
ďWould you like a drink or something? My home is your home, just relax.Ē He looks around and with what I guess to be resignation, sits down on the sofa, what is with him?
ďWell thank you, but I canít stay long. Nice place though, from what I see of your things, your a bit of a pack rat.Ē He has a good point, I do have a lot of things, I like to collect things for no reason.
ďWell I have some soft drinks, Pepsi, Cola, that kind of thing, I have some tea and a little coffee and if you like, I have some lager and beer as well, not that I drink that stuff myself, but sometimes a couple of friends who do drink tend to come round for a visit and chat. So whatís your fancy?Ē I move into the kitchen and since I have good enough hearing, Iíll be able to hear him easily.
ďEmm, a Pepsi sounds good, thanks.Ē I get two Pepsiís and I join him in the living room. I pass him the drink and sit down next to him, resisting somehow to just give up and kiss him there and then, why I donít know, only just met him for crying out loud!
ďSo where you from? Iím from Dundee, I like it here, quiet and that, Dundee was noisy and distracting.Ē He opens the can and takes a sip, guess he needed that, he did look a little thirsty.
ďMe? Oh nowhere special, born and raised in a couple of villages near Aberdeen, you know, North-East coast and that. Only just managed to save up enough money to leave and come here for a couple of years before I leave for the US, itís a little expensive, but Iíll manage somehow.Ē Money problems? I never have to worry about that, but then by the look of him, I would say heís used to never having enough money when needed, just making do with what he has.
ďI was born into a rich family, so money is never an issue for me. Guess you werenít as lucky, well I can easily help you out with any money problems, all you have to do is ask.Ē As soon as I say that, he looks at me and shakes his head.
ďNo, I hate to say this, but no, I wonít take any money from you, I could never afford to pay you back anyway. Itís nice of you and all, but no. Like I said, Iíll manage somehow, I donít eat much anyway and what I have should tide me over for the time Iím here, no need for anything much, I have my health, a home and my work to keep me going.Ē My guess is that heís a stubborn person and so am I, I wonít take no for an answer. I can easily find out if he has an account and transfer a nice amount of money into it, I want to anyway, so I will, tonight.
ďNice or not, if you have any money problems, Iíll give you what you need. I donít want you to pay me back, I just want to help you. You helped me, so Iíll repay the debt.Ē Thereís that look again, like Iíve insulted him.
ďNickola, I helped you because thatís what I do, I help people. I donít do it for rewards, praise or love, I do it because I just like to help people. Keep your money, you owe me nothing. Look Iíve wasted too much time as it is, I best get going, thank you for the drink, Iíll see you again sometime, take care, bye.Ē He gets up and before I can even stop him, heís got his coat from beside the door and left, damn heís fast! I quickly get up and run after him, but I donít need to go far. I open the door and heís there, but somethingís wrong, he looks like heís in pain.
ďNeil? Are you okay?Ē I touch him and he steps back and I see heís got his hand to his chest, oh shit! I know that look, but heís young, how could he be having a heart attack?
ďIím...okay. I...just...need...to...sit...down...for...a...spell.Ē I take his shoulders which are stiff and I help him inside slowly and gently, my dad once had a heart attack, wasnít fatal, but scared the shit out of me when it happened.
ďDo you have any meds for this? What made it happen?Ē He shakes his head slowly as I help him sit down.
ďNo...meds, just...have...to...lower...my...blood....pressure....a....little.Ē Stress related? Him? Ah, now I understand, he must overwork a lot. Probably when he was moving so fast, his body just couldnít handle the sudden spurt of speed and panicked, nasty.
ďOkay, you rest here, do you need a doctor?Ē He shakes his head again and slowly sits back, his face starting to slowly smooth out to a more calmer look.
ďNo, Iíll be fine, I just need to relax for a while. Sorry for scaring you like that, I just have a very fast and somewhat fragile metabolism. Iím sorry to ask this, but I might have to stay here for the night, to rest and that, I hate to impose on you, but I donít want to risk walking back home and having this happen again before Iím fully healed. Iíll understand if you donít want me here, Iím sure I can call a taxi.Ē A night here? Sounds good to me, by the looks of things, heís still in pain.
ďItís okay with me, I would welcome the company. I have a spare bed, give me a few minutes and Iíll have it ready for you.Ē He shakes his head again, damn heís a stubborn one.
ďIíll sleep on the sofa if thatís okay, itís not time for a rest yet, but maybe Iíll heal in a bit. If so, Iíll be able to walk home.Ē Iím not having him walking home like this.
ďShut up, youíre in pain and it could get worse. Just let me look after you for the night, itís the least I can do for you. Does anyone else know about this? Family, friends?Ē I sit down next to him and he moves a little, am I that much of a problem to him or is it something else?
ďA few of my friends know, my family doesnít and theyíll never know. Itís just a small problem, nothing serious. Look Iíll get going instead, Iíll be fine.Ē He starts to get up and I force him back down and he cringes.
ďStop that! Whatís wrong with you, do you hate me touching you or is it something to do with what happened years ago? Look, youíre in pain, and Iím not having you walking home two miles in your state. Just relax and let your body heal itself.Ē He looks at me and then to my horror, he closes his eyes and seems to fall asleep.
ďNO! WAKE UP! WAKE UP DAMN IT! DONíT YOU GO DYING ON ME!Ē He opens his eyes again and smiles.
ďNick, Iím not dying, my body is just that sore that I have to rest so that it can heal faster. Sorry for scaring you again, Iíll stay awake.Ē Oh God, my heart is pounding like crazy, I was a second from calling the services and performing CPR on him, fuck that scared me!
ďDonít do that again, please, I almost had a heart attack of my own there. Okay, you rest and Iíll keep an eye on you, Iíll be here if you need me.Ē Before he can say anything else, he closes his eyes and his head falls against the back of the sofa and I get up slowly, gently laying him down so as not to wake him. I manage to get his body into a more comfortable position and I look at him, he looks so different when heís sleeping. Itís like he gets younger and becomes a child, he looks so vulnerable and helpless. Iíll keep an eye on him, protect him, I love him and Iíll do that for him, Iíll do anything for him. Anything.
Chapter 3: A little morning laugh
I feel a gentle hand, maybe Iím dreaming, maybe itís Neil in my dreams softly caressing me with his gentle, loving hands. Maybe Iím dead.
ďNick? Wake up.Ē A soft voice now, if this is a dream, leave me sleeping. Footsteps now, very quiet ones, heading towards the kitchen and then the sound of cupboards opening and the fridge opening as well, hmm, this is a nice dream, very nice. And then a very loud smashing sound and a curse.
ďFuck! Bloody hands!Ē I open my eyes then and jump up, what now?
ďNeil, is that you?Ē I stiffly walk to the kitchen, must have fallen asleep in my seat and I see Neil cleaning up a smashed bottle of milk.
ďAn accident, itís okay, I can buy more later.Ē Neil finishes cleaning and gets up, he looks tired, but okay.
ďIím really sorry Nick, Iíll pay you back for the milk. Iím just a little clumsy, sorry.Ē I walk over to him, still a little tired myself, what time is it though?
ďNo, itís ok, accidents happen. What time is it?Ē Neil looks over at my wall clock and then back at me.
ďItís about 8:17 in the morning, I was about to make you some breakfast, a token of thanks for helping me last night.Ē Morning already? Shit!
ďI....Itís okay, you donít need to do that for me, it was nice to help you. You go and sit down, I donít want you working yourself into another heart attack. Iíll make something, and donít worry about the milk, as the saying goes, no use crying over spilt milk.Ē He looks like heís going to protest, but something in him makes him see my logic and he sits down. Heís done a great job on cleaning the milk up, he must be a fast worker.
ďSo what would you like?Ē Neil shrugs, which means heís thinking of going now.
ďNothing thanks, I guess I best get going, Iíve stayed too long.Ē Oh no he doesnít, heís not going anywhere till heís had something to eat.
ďJust sit there, you must be hungry after last night, Iím not a great cook, but I can cook. You owe me nothing at all, so donít even start that. Look, you go and freshen up in the bathroom, guess I best do the same and after that, Iíll make breakfast. And donít start arguing, go on.Ē He looks like heís going to say something, but he thinks better of it and does as I say, I do the same.
After washing up and getting some clean clothes on, I go and start making breakfast, Neil is in the living room, I donít have any clothes for him, but that doesnít seem to bother him, he just looks uncomfortable in my house, like heís intruding on my home, which he isnít.
ďNick, I have to go, please.Ē Iíve just realised heís calling me Nick instead of Nickola, no one ever calls me that.
ďNeil, why are you calling me Nick instead of Nickola? I donít mind, itís nice, Iím just wondering.Ē I think Iíve forgotten to wear something more, my legs feel cold.
ďIím sorry, I just call people by their shorter names for some reason, I can easily call you by your full name if you want.Ē No, I like it being shorter, but thatís not important, I think Iíve forgotten to wear anything on my legs.
ďNeil, are you looking away because you see something about me? Ah, oops.Ē I look down and I see why he keeps looking away, Iím wearing a small t-shirt and my underwear, nothing else, I guess Iím still a little zoned out. And when I say small t-shirt, I mean very small.
ďNick, sorry, Nickola, I was going to say, but you spoke before I could say anything. Iíve been looking away because itís bad manners to stare.Ē If I could see myself, I think I would be as red as a tomato.
ďBe right back, guess you got a bit of an eye-full there.Ē He just shrugs and I run upstairs to get some clothes on.
Well after that somewhat embarrassing moment, I get the breakfast made, despite Neil saying he should be paying me back for my kindness, and we eat together in the kitchen. Afterwards, Neil looks up at the clock and groans.
ďI better get going, Iím a little busy. Thank you for everything, Iíll repay you somehow.Ē And before I can even say anything, he gets up, since the dishes are already done, he was determined to do them for me, and grabs his coat and leaves faster than you can say ícatí. I run to the door and open it, in case itís happened again, but heís not there, I just catch a glimpse of him entering the footpath towards the village. I guess Iíll just leave him like that then, he must be badly needing to get home. Iíll meet him again, I hope.
Chapter 4: Shopping moments
I finally get back home and the first thing I do is take a cold shower and then a hot shower, why? Because I feel bad for seeing Nickola practically naked and also because I have to do some shopping in town and the bus will be here in an hour, so I have to get washed better, get some clean clothes on and see what I need to buy. When I saw Nickola walk down the stairs in just a t-shirt and underwear, I had wanted to get out of the house so badly, but out of good manners, I stayed and did my best not to stare. Fucking male hormones, why canít I just control them like I used to be able to before I met Donna? I love Donna and everything, but my male hormones are a problem for me these days and itís damned annoying. Itís a good thing I have good self control though, a very good thing. Males are really just sex crazed fiends most of the time, I know that women are like that as well, from what I saw in Nickolaís eyes yesterday. Donna would hate it, but Iím going to have to hurt myself for being so bloody weak, Iím so tired of being like this! I never should have broken that stupid oath, never. Oh well, itís done now, Iíll just have to learn stronger mental control, and think my mind free of distractions. Iíve only got two more years to make enough money to leave this place, I canít have my mind being distracted by thoughts of sex. Easier said than done.
I catch the bus in time and I spend the next few hours shopping for food and a gift to Nickola to say thank you to her, I know sheíll probably say itís okay and tell me I donít need to buy her anything and that I donít owe her anything, but I do, I feel as if I have to repay her for her kindness. I thankfully finish shopping and head back to the bus station so catch the bus home, the bags are heavy, but Iíll manage. As I near the station, I hear Nickolaís voice behind me and I turn round.
ďHi Neil, just thought you would want a lift home, save on bus fare and all that.Ē Great, I was hoping I could get back home before I saw her again, Iím really not in the mood for this.
ďIíll catch a bus thanks.Ē I start to walk on and Nickola grabs me again, making me cringe, I wish she would stop doing that.
ďIím sorry if Iím making you all flustered and that, I just like you, thatís all. Look, itís just a lift home, nothing else.Ē The bags are heavy and I know Iím starting to feel a little pain in my chest, but I donít want to rely on her help. Nickola looks at me then and then she frowns.
ďNeil, you look sore, very sore. Just get in please, Iím not having you overworking yourself for nothing. Just pass me the bags, the car is just behind me.Ē The painís getting worse now, fine, I pass her the bags and then it hits me hard.
ďNeil! For fuck sake come on!Ē She garbs me, the bags I passed her hitting against me softly. I can barely move, my entire body has gone numb.
ďNick, I can't move.Ē She drags me over to the car, I donít protest, Iím feeling a lot worse by the second and then it begins to fade at last, leaving me breathless and sore everywhere. She helps me into the passenger seat after opening the door and then she gets into the driver seat.
ďYou look better now, good. Just sit there, the shopping is in the boot, so thatís done. Come on, I think you need a meal and a hot soak in a bath, my guess is that you only have a shower. Let me pamper you, please, I would love to.Ē I try to protest, but I guess she has a point, itís been a month since I last had a proper meal what with being so busy, and the last time I had a bath was almost ten years ago, Iíve only been able to have showers instead. As Nickola starts the car, I close my eyes and let my sore body heal again.
Fuck that was close! I saw him walking down the street and I could see that he was tiring fast. From the looks of him, heís been neglecting his body and working instead, he looks worn out and tense. I think itís time to treat him, he looks like he could do with a treat for a change. He looks better when heís sleeping, Iíll let him heal, it wonít take me long to get home. I can then wake him up gently and help him into my house and into a nice hot bath once I run it, a friend I had in college used to look like he does when heís awake, all thin, sore and just unhappy. I guess I was just so much in love, I didnít see his pain. I wonder why heís so stubborn though? I work a lot, but I know when I need to relax and I guess itís my mission to make sure he gets pampered and helped. I donít know his past, but my guess is that itís not been a nice one. He deserves so much kindness and Iím going to give him as much as I can.
Chapter 5: Bath talks and secrets known
Neil sleeps the whole way back to my house, he looks uncomfortable, but he also looks like heís just used to it. I stop the car when we reach my front door and I gently shake him awake.
ďNeil, wake up, weíre here.Ē He opens his eyes slowly and for one entire second, I see him in such a vulnerable way, I wish I could just hug and kiss him and tell him everything will be alright.
ďHmm, Nickola? What am I doing here? Oh, I remember, the heart attack.Ē He looks out of the windscreen and places a hand on his eyes and runs it down slowly.
ďYour house? Nick, please, I have to get home, just back us out and take me home, I have work to do.Ē What?! After all that, he still wants to work? No, he needs a break, he needs a rest for a while.
ďNo Neil, you look like shit, not to insult, but you look really bad. When did you last bother to have a bath, hell, when did you relax last? I donít care how important your work is, you need to rest for a while, youíll kill yourself if you keep working all the time.Ē I unbuckle my seatbelt and get out of the car and go round to the passenger door, Neil could have left by himself, but I think heís still a little weak, so Iíll help him inside the house. After I make sure heís resting for a bit, Iíll drop his shopping back at his house once he gives me the address. Iím not having him killing himself on me, no way at all. I open the door and help him out slowly, he tries to resist my help, but he is still weak, so he just gives in and lets me help him to the front door which I open easily. Taking his weight on my shoulder, I help him inside slowly and over to the sofa and sit him down.
ďNick, Iím okay, I am still weak, but I can still do things. Let me go home, please, Iíve imposed on you too much as it is.Ē Stubborn git he is, he just wonít take it that heís pushing himself too hard.
ďNo, sit there, Iíll go run you a bath, it will help you relax and then when I get back from dropping your shopping off at your house, Iím going to make you a meal or order out, but you need to rest for a change. Let me pamper you, please, I want to and I think you need it. You canít do everything yourself you know, let someone close to you, let me help you.Ē He looks up at me and then just gives in completely.
ďFine, fine! If it makes you feel good, very well. Iím tired of this, I just helped you a tiny bit and youíre treating me like Iím important, Iím not important! Iím not an invalid, Iím just a little tired, thatís all. Let me repay you in some way, please.Ē he sounds so unhappy, as if heís never had this much attention lavished on him before, why is he like this?
ďNeil, I know youíre not an invalid, I can see your very tired and to me, you are the most important person Iíve ever met. I donít want repayment, just having you here with me is payment enough, I love you, why canít you show your feelings for me?Ē I sit down next to him and he moves a way from me slowly.
ďStop that! Whatís wrong with you? Is it me? If so, then okay, Iíll take you home, leave you to die slowly and painfully, unloved and alone. I want to help you and youíre afraid of me touching you, are you going to tell me why or do I have to force it out of you?Ē I see his eyes again, his dark eyes so full of untold memories and pain, he looks so unhappy now.
ďNick, I told you itís not you, itís me. Iím sorry, but I donít know you all that well yet, I donít know if I can trust you, Iíve already trusted people before and had that trust thrown back in my face. Alright, fine. You want to touch me, you want to feel what Iím like? Okay, whatever, what do I care for my fears, I donít matter.Ē Fuck that was cold, I really want to help him, but this fear he just spoke of is maybe the very thing thatís making him so hard to talk to.
ďRight, Iím going to run the bath and Iím going to join you, donít look at me like that, itís not for sex or anything, itís because I want to talk to you, I can stay clothed and just sit next to you while youíre in the bath, I wonít look, I wonít touch, weíll just talk. If you want, I can loan you my rubber duck for the bath, even put bubbles in, but I want to talk to you. I can even join you in the bath, I wonít do anything to make you afraid of me, Iíll just sit with you and talk, nothing more. But please Neil, please let me help, you canít keep your pain bottled up all the time, it will only makes your life worse.Ē I think I got through to him, he seems to be thinking about my words.
ďItís up to you if you want to sit in the bath with me, weíre both adults and all, but I donít love you, as a friend, I like you, but beyond that, I have no feelings for you. You want to talk though and thatís fine with me, I guess I should talk. But understand me when I say I wonít have sex with you and if you force yourself upon me, I will leave you alone, out of fear and out of hatred. I....do....not....love...you. but fine, Iíll abandon my morals for you, just to talk, but nothing else and I mean it.Ē Harsh, really harsh, but it will have to do I guess.
ďOkay, as long as you relax as well. If I have to, Iíll give you a massage and I wonít stop until youíre relaxed and talking, just let me do the work for you, let me give you some pampering, thatís all I ask. Okay?Ē He nods his head reluctantly and I get up to go run the bath, itís a start I guess, the start of an interesting journey.
The bath is run and Iíve managed to drag Neil into the bathroom, heís really stubborn about this, but then so am I. He looks at the bath and then at me.
ďNick, Iíll get in the bath, but I think I should have some privacy, if you donít mind.Ē Modest guy here, but in case it happens again, I want to be able to help him even faster.
ďNo, just strip off, I wonít peek.Ē I turn round so that my back is to him, I have a mirror in my pocket, Iím a little vain so I always carry a tiny one.
ďI guess that will have to do, but donít go peeking, it may be only a body, but Iím somewhat shy.Ē I nod my head in understanding and as he starts to get undressed, I slowly take the mirror out of my pocket and watch him, nice view. He sets the clothes down on a seat by the tub and gets in slowly, testing itís heat and everything, once heís settled, I turn back round.
ďThere, thatís good, okay now Iíll get in and join you, as I said I would and weíll talk, okay?Ē He starts to protest but thinks better of it. Since Iím not at all modest about my body, unless I donít want to show it, I get undressed in front of him and he looks away. Once Iím naked, I get in the tub with him, itís a very big tub, I like a lot of room. I can feel his feet as my feet move about and he pulls them back towards himself, he is one hard cookie to break, but I think I can help him with his fear, not sure how, but Iíll try.
ďDonít shy away from me, just relax. Here, take my hand and come over and sit by me, go on.Ē I extend my hand to him and he looks at it.
ďNick, this is bad enough as it is, I feel like Iím doing something wrong.Ē Why is he so shy of a naked body? I can see in his face that he finds me beautiful, but something else is making him want to jump out and get away as fast as possible.
ďShut up and take my hand, I wonít harm you, if I do, then say so, but trust me, please.Ē Come on Neil, stop being so distant. He looks at me and then at my hand and then with a sigh of resignation, he takes it and floats over to me and sits down.
ďGood, thatís a start. Now lets talk.Ē He lets go of my hand and tries to lie back in the tub, but he still looks really tense. I wonder why heís like this though? Itís like he expects people to hurt him, not treat him with kindness like Iím doing.
ďOkay, why are you so tense? Why do you keep trying to get away from me when I sit near you or when I touch you? Tell all.Ē You know what would go well with this? Some music, guess I forgot, maybe next time, if there is one.
ďI donít know if I should, but okay. First the reason why Iím so tense is that when I was younger, I was taught that only work mattered, that your entire life is to be devoted to nothing but work, and that leisure time is just a waste. I used to get some time to be a child, but not as much as would have been nice, so my life is pretty much devoted to overworking and trying to get things done quickly and easily. To me, relaxing is just an excuse for lazing about and wasting your life away, but in the last few years, Iíve found out how badly I need to relax and that work isnít everything. Iíve been trying to relax over the past few years, but so far, no luck, Iím just too tense. A good few of my friends have told me to relax a lot, but itís too hard for me. Maybe one day in the future Iíll be able to relax, for now though, itís just work for me.Ē A life of work? No thanks, not for me, have to relax once in a while.
ďOkay, and what about the other thing? Your odd fear?Ē He shifts a little, which means he finds this next thing awkward to talk about.
ďThe reason why Iím so scared of you and of being touched is because I have a fear of people. Itís a bastard of a fear because it ruined my childhood and whenever I wanted or needed a hug, I couldnít do it because I was so scared of being hurt, you see when I was younger, about five, six years old, I was sexually abused. The abuse was done by an adult that I was supposed to trust and after I was abused, I developed a complete fear and hatred for adults and of people for fear of being hurt like that again. I canít even trust my own family because of my fear. Do you have any idea what thatís like? To not get a hug when you need one, to never be able to kiss anyone without suddenly feeling like youíre going to be hurt? Thatís why I keep moving away from you, thatís why Iím so jumpy around people. I am absolutely terrified of being harmed like that again, even being in a room with someone makes me nervous. So being in here with you is causing my heart to beat fast, my pulse to increase. I like you as a friend, but you scare me a lot because of my fear. But Iím learning how to ignore this fear, I have to, I canít live in fear anymore, so for me to be doing this is taking a lot out of me. There, now you know.Ē Damn, I didnít think it could be that at all, Iíve been almost killing him every time I touch him, every time I sat next to him, he was close to having a seizure. Fuck! I should have known, I should have been more careful.
ďIím really sorry for causing you so much harm, I had no idea you were so scared of me like that. I should have stopped touching you after you first tried to get away, but I couldnít, I love you a lot, but you donít love me, which I accept I guess. Now I know why you have trouble with love as well, you feel like youíre going to be hurt if you get kissed, hugged, even touched gently. If you want, I can help you with this, Iíve never gone through what youíre going through, but Iíll do my best to help you. If youíll let me.Ē I know this is wrong, but I want to help him so I hug him and at first he winces and then he just gives in. We sit together in the bath for ten minutes and I get out before him and get dressed, Iíll leave him alone for a few minutes to get dressed and if he wants, to think quietly without me in the way. Even though, I keep thinking heís holding something back from me, like thereís one thing that he doesnít think is right to say to me, maybe another day heíll tell me, maybe.
Neil comes through to the kitchen once heís dressed and I pass him a hot drink.
ďHere, itís some hot honey and lemon, Iím not sure if you have a cold or anything, but Iím sure you like this stuff.Ē He takes the mug from my hands and sips it, he then sits down at the table.
ďThanks, Iím really sorry for always avoiding you and that, but you now know why I do that and Iím really sorry if it seemed like I was rude. I am trying to stop this fear from controlling me, but itís not easy.Ē I sit down across from him and take his hand, heís trying hard not to wince.
ďI understand, itís okay. Youíve lived with this fear for, what?, almost twenty years now, thatís a long time to be afraid. My only fear is of cramped places, but to be afraid of people, thatís a lot worse than my fear. Iím surprised youíve coped this long, how have you managed?Ē I wish I could just hug him, make him feel safe and secure, but with his fear, then that could be a bad thing to do.
ďJust strong mental control, fighting the urge to run away from people and teaching myself to just cope with it and everything. Even being in this room is making me nervous, but Iím just keeping my mind focused on my work and life in general. Well I better go Nick, I have to get the shopping home and then get some work done. So please, Iíll accept your help here since I have no desire to walk home.Ē Iíll be happy to help him, even though I would like it if wasnít going to do any work, but itís his choice.
ďAlright, well Iíll go get my shoes on and my coat, you go to the car, Iíll be just a minute.Ē He finishes his drink and goes out to the car. I join him a couple of minutes later and I take him home. After I drop him off, he waves bye and I go back home, I wish I could help him tonight a little more, being alone in that house must be boring. Well Iíll see him again tomorrow maybe, for now I best go home and rest myself, that bath made me feel a little dozy.
Chapter 6: The end of hopes
Six months have passed since I moved here, Nickola is still trying to get me to love her, but she also understands that I canít love her in the way she wants, all I can give is friendship, Iím already in love anyway. Nickolaís schemes are funny though and me and Donna always have a good laugh whenever I tell her of each one, Iíve told Nickola that I find her advances funny and that I tell my friends and Nickola likes it that she makes me laugh a lot, even though she wishes they would work, like one plan she came up with just a couple of days ago was a laugh, she had invited me to her house for a meal and while the meal and company was nice and all, Nickola then went and dressed in a very skimpy costume, by the looks of things, I think she got the idea from anime or something, she had dressed in a very tiny school girl outfit. She looked ridiculous though and I had almost bust a gut laughing at her when she tried to make me aroused, her attempts are always funny and I think Nick likes it when I start laughing, I can tell she wants me to be happy. Right now though, Iím just finishing off a novel Iíve been working on for a while, a friend of mine taught me how to write after I read a few of his stories and commented on them. That was last year, just before he died. We used to be neighbours and I was the only one in the village who would even be nice to him and a friendship grew from that, he was a good friend to me and a lot of people, he was always there to help. He had written a lot of stories for something to do and I have to say he was quite amazing, I once read a story of his about a vampire he had created and I was hooked from the first sentence. He died just before Christmas last year of a heart attack from overworking, his friends had all attended his funeral, even me. His soul mate had said a beautiful thing about him and I had watched has she had cried hard with another one of his friends, a young woman called Tonya, I miss him and his work, heís made me someone that I thought I could never be after what had happened in my past. I wonder how he would have gotten on with Nickola though? Probably be a better friend to her than even I am. My story is just my fourth one, itís hard for me to write anything without thinking of his help and his encouragement whenever I was about to give up a few times. Iíve dedicated every story to him and his soul mate, I hope sheís doing okay, I guess she must miss him a lot. Well anyway, itís done now so I guess Iíll go and relax, Nickola and Donna have been telling me to relax more, so I guess I should try to, doesnít hurt to I guess. As I get up from my seat, thereís a knock at the door and I go and answer it, itís Nickola.
ďHiya, what brings you here?Ē Nickola looks bored, so she must just be wanting to see me, probably to see if Iím alright.
ďBored, so Iím just dropping by to say hi, if thatís okay anyway?Ē I donít mind, itís nice to have company.
ďSure, come on in, Iíve just finished a story if you want to read it.Ē Nick comes in and goes through to the living room, she never really bothers to take her coat off until sheís in the living room, I never mind, itís only a coat that will end up sitting on a chair, nothing more, Nick will probably sit next to me if Iím working at the computer or watching a little TV. Iíll go and get something for her to drink, guess she would like a cold drink what with it being a warm day.
Neil gives me a cold drink while Iím reading his story, I have to admit, heís pretty good.
ďWho taught you to write like this? Itís very well detailed and good at making you keep reading.Ē I sip my drink and Neil sits down next to me, heís doing really well controlling his fear, heís come a long way in it in the past few months.
ďA friend from home taught me, he wrote a lot of stories and I had read a couple of his and asked him how he wrote like that, so he taught me within a few hours. He was a good, no great writer, he wrote what he knew, and wrote from the heart. But he was really unhappy because his work was treated like it was nothing and his talents hindered by an uncaring family. But he kept writing until he died last year, I now write in his place, to keep him alive in some way. He told me though before he died, about a couple of hours before, that he had started to feel love for a friend he cared deeply about and I knew who he was talking about and when I had told him to tell her, he had just said that it was wrong and that he was happy enough to just be friends with her, a couple of hours later though, he was dead from a heart attack. Me and a lot of his friends and even his family attended his funeral and the ones who showed the most grief were his friends. He was going to be going to the US as well, just after me once he had saved up enough money, I guess he isnít though, not now. I wonder if heíll be happy knowing that Iím going instead, he did ask me if I was in love or planning on leaving the UK. I told him I was planning to leave the UK and he was happy for me. Oh wait, I can hear the phone.Ē Neil gets up and goes to answer the phone and I turn away from the computer where I had read the only copy of the story. I see him pick up the receiver and at first smile and talk to the person at the other end and then the smile fades and turns to something like a complete drain of feeling and emotion and then he slowly sets the receiver down. He comes back into the living room and I can see sadness beginning to appear in his expression and in his posture.
ďNeil? What is it?Ē He then notices me and I see that Iím going to have to help him again, I think heís going to die from what I guess to be pure grief.
ďNick, I have to say this, I am in love, but not with you, Iím in love with a woman from the US called Donna and we were going to meet soon, but somethingís happened with her family and she has had to call everything off so that she can help her family. That was her just now, sheís told me what happened, her parents got in a car accident, her father is dead and her mother is in a coma, she feels that with whatís happened, we canít meet as we planned, so everything is off. I can still go to the US, but alone, she canít leave her family until things get better, Iím going to live in the UK instead, if for the rest of my life, then so be it, I wonít be a problem for her. I guess this means Iím alone again, as always, just good old alone me.Ē And then he breaks down and the tears fall fast, itís good to see that he never hides his true feelings, but damn, it hurts me to see him like this. I help him to a seat and for two hours, I stay with him while he just explains everything to me, his love for Donna, his loneliness and his one dream of leaving the country that had killed a friend he had learned a lot from. I wish I could help him, but how can I help him? He doesnít love me, he loves someone else, but I love him and I will do whatever I can for him, anything at all.
Chapter 7: A motherís promise and deal
I love my mother, I admit it, she is a wonderful woman and I care for her a lot and she cares for me a lot as well, but I wish she wouldnít visit me right now, if she sees Neil, sheíll think weíre a couple, and as much as I would like that, Iím respecting his choice. Neil is helping me with the food as I know that my mum loves my cooking, even though I keep thinking Iím a bad cook, so Neil has offered to make the food for me.
ďNick, stop worrying, Iíll be happy to stay in the kitchen if itís a problem, or I can go back home, since I do have a few things there I need to pack away.Ē Neil is thinking of leaving and even though I want him to stay, he feels itís not worth staying here any more if he has nothing to live here for any more, itís been a month since he got the news from Donna and heís calmed down a lot, but I can still see how upset he is.
ďNo, please, stay here with me. Iím sure my mother will love you, I just hope she doesnít get the wrong idea, I mean I love you and all, but I guess I have to respect your choice and that youíre already in love. Anyway, your a better cook than me, you make cooking seem easy, all I do is make cooking into an inferno.Ē Heís one hell of a worker, heís cooking, reading the cooking books, and talking to me and not once is his focus slipping, I wish I was like that. The doorbell rings then, sheís here.
ďOkay, you go answer the door, the food is almost ready. Donít worry, everythingís just fine and I wonít go dying on you, this cooking is nice and relaxing for me, so Iím fine.Ē I give him a hug and go and answer the door, as I open it, I see my mother standing there with a suitcase, oh no.
ďNickola, you look as beautiful as you always do, I hope you donít mind, but I want to stay here with you for a few days, just to see this place a little better and to see this Neil youíve told me about, I hope you two are a couple, if not, thatís okay, but it would be nice. So are you going to let me in then?Ē I step back and she enters the house, instantly smelling the cooking.
ďAre you cooking? It smells wonderful.Ē She drops her suitcase and goes through to the kitchen and then Neil runs out.
ďWhoa, you didnít tell me that she likes to kiss strangers at first sight.Ē My mum comes back into the living room and looks at me and then Neil.
ďSo this is Neil, I have to say Nickola, you have yourself quite an interesting man here.Ē He blushes and tries to step around her to return to the cooking. She steps aside, but not after slapping a hand on his bottom.
ďNick, heís quite firm there, not a bit of fat, got yourself quite a pull here, quite a stud.Ē Neil blushes harder and manages to retreat to the kitchen before she can say anything else.
ďMum, he doesnít love me, I love him and he knows that, but heís already in love with someone else. Heís just a friend, thatís all.Ē My mum looks at him as he works and then turns to me.
ďYou sure? Is he gay or anything, how can he not love you?Ē Oh boy, I wish Donna was here right now, she could probably explain things better than me, she knows him better than I do.
ďNo, heís not gay, heís in love with a woman from the US. Heís just helping me out here and then going back home to finish his packing, heís leaving.Ē I go and close the door and my mum sits down.
ďOh, whyís he leaving? Did something happen?Ē I sit down next to her and nod.
ďYeah, he was going to live in the US with Donna, the woman he loves, but something happened in her family and sheís called it off, so heís thinking of living his life in the UK, even though a friend of his died in this country a while ago and he blames the country for doing that to him. I think heís also running out of money, so that could be one reason as well.Ē My mum seems to be thinking and then she goes through to the kitchen, why canít she leave him alone?
I love this, all this cooking, itís helping a little to distract me from my sadness about never seeing Donna at all, itís only a matter of time before we stop being in love with each other as well, I can feel it. I hope I can manage to live in this country after that, I really do.
ďNeil, youíre making a stupid mistake, stay here and help my daughter.Ē Oh great, what's she going to do to me now? Stamp me as prime stock?
ďNick told you then? I have to, I have nothing here to stay for, my money is low and I guess my family were right, I am useless, I canít even leave the UK, let alone make a life for myself.Ē She sits down and then slams her hand down.
ďNo, youíre staying here. I donít know why, but when I looked in your eyes, I saw someone who isnít a failure, who isnít useless, I saw someone who is kind, caring, troubled, lonely and most of all, in need of a good life instead of being so unhappy here. Neil, I want you to stay here and be here for my daughter, help her and all that, that should be enough of a reason to stay.Ē Who does she think she is? She doesnít know me at all, I canít stay here, Iíll only make Nickola unhappy if I stay here, depressed and alone.
ďI canít, did you know that in the last month since I found out that I would be stuck, Iíve tried to kill myself a few times already? Has Nick told you of that, how she once found me with a kitchen knife aimed at my heart, ready to fall upon it, when Nick saw me, she acted quickly by grabbing my arm and holding it and when I started to move closer to it, she grabbed the knife from my hands and threw it away? Your daughter may love me, but I donít love her and Iím a threat to her in this way, depressed and alone. Please, you have to understand, I donít want to endanger your daughter, sheís a lovely person and if I wasnít already in love, then Iím sure I would be in love with her, but Iím not, at all.Ē Her mum just looks at me and then stands up and slaps me.
ďYouíre afraid of being of use, arenít you? You lost one hope and now you feel youíve lost all hope, youíre a fool if you think that. I donít care that you donít love my daughter, to save you from killing yourself shows how much she cares for you and also shows how much she loves you. Donít give up living just because of one setback, your life is only just beginning. Stay here for my daughter and more importantly, for you, stay here because here, you have someone who loves you and who will do anything for you. In fact, Iíll make a deal with you, you know that Iím rich and all that crap, so if you stay here, I will help you leave the UK. I will pay for your home here, I will pay for everything or whatever you need help with. You have made my daughter so happy that I am eternally grateful for that, so please, think about it. Iím staying here for a few days and I want to know that when I go back home that my daughter will have you here for her, so what do you say, will you consider it?Ē I check on the cooking and then turn back to her.
ďOkay, fine. Iíll consider it, but I donít want your money, I can never pay you back anyway, but I know you have a point. I guess I am being selfish and that your daughter likes me a lot, so yes, Iíll consider it.Ē She smiles and gives me a small hug.
ďThank you Neil, and even if you donít take my money, youíll find you have extra money in your account, ready for when you need it. Even if I have to hire someone to find out your account number, youíll have the money and my friendship. Well now that thatís done, I have to say that your cooking smells wonderful and I think youíre just perfect for my daughter, you may not love her, but I can tell you care about her enough to do this for her and for me. Thank you.Ē Guess I have a new friend, I wonder what Tony would be saying to this? Probably, íYou know? I think youíve got a hell of a future ahead of you.í And I think heís right, I just hope Iím able to help Nick when she needs it.
ďIíve considered it and okay, Iíll stay here, but only to help your daughter. I guess itís the best thing to do for all the help sheís given me. Now if you excuse me, I have some cooking to check on.Ē She nods and goes back through to talk to her daughter and I get back to cooking, guess Iím stuck here for a while then. I hope I can be a great help to Nick, I really do.
Chapter 8: Losing home
My mum is a stubborn one all right, even after his protests, she put a lot of money into his account. He never touches it though, he feels like he has to pay her back somehow, but Iíve managed to help him understand that she just wants to help him. Well anyway, he decided to stay here after all and even though he hates this country, heís staying here only to help me out until I no longer need help. I wish he would just fall in love with me though, but he wonít do that, heís too much in love with Donna, so Iíll just have to accept that. Right now, Iím going to go and drop by for a little while, not got anything else to do, so why not? Neil still seems unhappy though, as if heís just doing this for nothing other than to keep me happy, and I wish he wouldnít feel like that, I wish he would let me give him something that would make his life seem worthwhile. Maybe one day.
Tony made a friend that he cared for a lot before he died, before he had died, he had said to me that he was starting to feel like he was falling in love with her, but he wasnít sure if it was a good thing to do, so he just held his feelings back. I told him, about an hour before he died, that he should tell her someday, and he said he would, but only in the future. Guess he canít now though, and now here I am, talking to her online, just as he used to.
Neil, bored of life, but living on says: Remember how he would come up with silly jokes like the Jelly Baby Slayer? When he told me, I couldnít stop laughing at his ideas, he was quite the writer.
Kat, In pain from life and memories says: I remember his quotes, how he would just come up with them so fast and then say they were basic. I would always tell him that they were really good, but he just didnít believe me. I miss him so much.
N: I know, so do I. Iíve been reading his stories again lately and I canít believe he wonít be writing anymore, he was so talented and yet he never accepted it. He was just wanting to know if people could understand his work and no one even noticed it.
K: He was so annoyed at people, he loved to write and he loved to help people. I have something to confess though, I loved him more than a friend and I was away to tell him, but I wonít get that chance now. I wish he was here with me, to wipe away my tears, to reassure me that everything was a mistake, that heís still alive.
N: I see, well Tony told me something that he was going to tell you soon once he could get the courage to. He was falling in love with you as well, he was starting to notice it a lot. He tried so hard to stop himself from telling you and he was going to tell you someday. I guess love was slowly developing between you two and now youíve told me your feelings for him. He was a great person, one of a kind.
K: That he was, that he was. I wish I could see him one more time, give him the life he deserved, but I canít and I blame myself for not being there for him when he needed me. I wonder if heís waiting for me? I wonder if there is life after death and if so, if heís there, waiting for me as he promised he would.
N: I think he is, Iím sure of it. Just donít go killing yourself though to find out, he would want you to live on. Well I guess I better get going, take care of yourself, Tony is watching over you and loves you deeply, live for yourself and for him, heís still alive in your heart and your memories. Bye.
I log out and disconnect from the Net, itís been almost a year since I met him, one whole year since he helped me write and see life as something more. I understand Amyís pain, I miss him as well, he was a great friend. Well I guess I better do something to cheer myself up, so I go and see what mail I got this morning, been a little busy to check on it. As I get up, thereís a knock at the door and I go and answer it, itís Nickola.
ďHey Nick, come on in. Just going to check my mail, do you want a drink or a bite to eat?Ē Nickola comes in and I take her coat and put it on a coat peg.
ďUp to you, just dropping by to see how you are and that. You look tired, you been sleeping right?Ē I have, kind of, something on my mind is distracting me and I tell her that.
ďWell whatever it is, Iím sure youíll find out what it is soon.Ē I step aside and Nick goes through to the living room and I go and get my mail and check it as I go through to the kitchen. One of the letters is from the council, odd that, canít be a complaint, Iíve paid my rent and I never make any noise. Oh well, wonít know till I open it. I open the letter and take out the letter inside and read it. What the? They canít! Nickola comes through and sees me with the letter in my hand and takes it gently from me and reads it.
ďThose bastards! How dare they! What on earth gives druggies more priority to live here than you? You pay your rent and everything else and now this, Neil what are you going to do now?Ē I sit down at my tiny table and Nick passes me the letter and I reread it.
ďI donít know. I guess I have no choice but to go for good, I have nowhere else to go other than back home and I donít want to do that. Nick, Iím homeless and all because of a stupid decision by a bunch of idiots who think druggies are a useful part of society, you already know that trying to help them is pointless, they just keep going. Great, I better get looking for a new place to live, more fucking expense and I donít want to use that money your mum gave me either.Ē She sits down next to me and hugs me, Iím doing well in controlling my fear, I repress the urge to cringe.
ďNeil, let me help you here again, why donít you come and live with me? You know my house is huge and thereís plenty of room. And I would love the company as well, so what do you say?Ē Live with Nick? I donít know, but I have no other choice, itís either that or going back home and being even closer to the place where I lost a great friend. Tony, what would you do? I wish I could ask you.
ďNick, are you sure? I donít want to think Iím forcing this or that Iím imposing. Okay, Nick, okay, Iíll live with you, but only as a friend. This isnít a love thing since you know I donít love you, but since youíre so sure, then okay, Iíll move in with you. I guess it will do until I can find a new place. I have two weeks though, so Iíll start packing now.Ē Nick smiles and hugs me tighter, I hope this doesnít damage our friendship.
I help him with the last of his things and then itís all done, heís moved in with me. Iím surprised at the lack of things he owns, some clothes, his computer, a few books, not a lot at all.
ďThanks Nick, I donít have a lot, do I? Never been able to afford all that much anyway.Ē I can see that, I think I should take him shopping sometime, get him some new things.
ďDonít worry about that, Iím going to take you shopping someday and treat you to a whole new wardrobe and some new books and whatever you want, as a friend and to also say thank you for staying with me. And donít you go refusing, you should let people buy you some gifts for a change and I want to buy you some gifts because youíre a great friend.Ē He looks like heís going to say something else, but he changes his mind. Itís great to have some company at last, the house feels a lot better with the one I love inside it.
Chapter 9: An offer and a response
Iíve been living here with Nick for four months now, itís been odd, she is a little messy, but that just gives me something to do and she tends to walk around the house almost or completely naked, which is funny to watch when she remembers Iím here. She is a great friend and I do care for her, just not in the way she wants. I miss Donna a lot though, I wish I was with her and I think Nick knows that. Right now weíre both watching a movie on TV and Nick turns to me.
ďNeil? Have you thought about what youíre going to do with the money you saved up for meeting Donna? You did manage to save up a lot and even Tony helped you there, and now that you canít meet her, what are you going to do with the money?Ē Iím not sure, when I told Tony of my plans, he had helped me the best he could until he died and now I donít know what Iím going to do, I canít stay here forever.
ďNot sure, I still want to leave this country, but being alone in a strange country is not something I want to do. I donít like this country, living here killed a friend of mine and I donít want to end up the same way.Ē Nick nods in understanding and then kisses me gently.
ďWell I have an idea, you want to leave here right? Well so do I now, I want to be with you, to help you and all, even if you donít love me, I still want to be with you. So how about this, lets both of us go to the US, lets live together there and if things work out with Donnaís family, then maybe youíll be able to live with her instead. I know it will be hard, but you know about my wealth and all and you know that I want only the best for you. So how about it? Want to go to the US, meet Donna?Ē Am I hearing her right?
ďNick, you want to live with me in a new country, are you sure? I mean itís nice and all and it would be lovely, but are you sure you want to live with me in a new country and help me?Ē She sits up from her position on the sofa and looks into my eyes.
ďYes, I do. I want to help you so much, to give you the life you deserve and the life you feel that Tony deserved, and also, I want to meet this Amy that Tony was a great friend to. Iíve only talked to her online and I think I can see why Tony liked her so much, sheís a nice person. So what do you say? Will we go to the US? Fulfil your wish and Tonyís wish?Ē I look at her and then I make my choice.
ďYes, letís go. Lets leave this country, lets see a new place and see Amy and help her with her loss. When will we go then?Ē Nick gets up and goes over to a cupboard and opens one of itís drawers.
ďHow about we go tomorrow? I bought the tickets for you yesterday in case my plan worked, I know how badly you want to leave this place, so go get packed, Iím already packed and ready.Ē The little schemer! I get up and go over to the stairs.
ďOne of these days, Iím going to be able to second guess you. Okay, Iíll go get packed, but you are quite the schemer and I like that, you plan ahead a lot. If I wasnít in love with Donna, I would be in love with you.Ē And I go upstairs to pack my things.
Did he say what I think he said? Did he say that he could have loved me if he hadnít met Donna? Yes! But, no, heís already in love. But that doesnít matter, not in the slightest, at least he said he would have loved me and that is enough for me in so much ways.
Chapter 10: Leaving the past for the future
I wish Neil was in love with me, right now I would love a kiss and hug from him, just a little something to help me realise that this isnít a dream. Our plane is about to leave, weíre really going to a new country, a whole new life. Neil looks tired, this must be something he had only dreamed about, and when he found out that his dream was gone, he must have been ready to just give it all up, and now Iíve rekindled the dream and he looks so happy, so excited. I wonder if Donna will be waiting for him at the airport in the US? I wonder if Neil slept last night, I did. Well enough of this, lets get going.
ďReady Neil?Ē Heís reading the departure board and he nods his head.
ďYep, as ready as Iíll ever be. Thank you Nick, thank you so much, if thereís any way I repay you for this, just say.Ē There is one thing, but will he do it?
ďWell, there is one thing that I would love back, and thatís a kiss and a hug, please. Just something, thatís all, not in love, just in friendship.Ē He looks at me and then shrugs.
ďSure, why not, couldnít hurt I guess.Ē And he hugs me and gives me a small kiss on the forehead, not on the lips as I wanted, but itís better than nothing. I hug him back and give him a small kiss in return and he doesnít cringe, heís trying so hard, itís good to see heís doing well.
ďWell come on then, lets go to our new home.Ē He nods and we pick up our carry alls and head for the terminal.
Chapter 11: Welcome to a new home
The plane lands with a shudder and I wake Neil up, he fell asleep a few hours ago and I didnít want to interrupt his rest, he looked like he needed it. He wakes up slowly and opens his eyes.
ďHmm? Oh, weíre here already?Ē I nod my head and get our small bags.
ďYep, weíre here, welcome to the United States of America or should I really say, welcome to North Carolina, please take your bags and other things with you and leave the seats in a spotless condition, byh bye now.Ē He chuckles a little and gets up and helps me with the bags. Once weíre done, we leave the plane and meet up with Donna who is waiting for us.
ďNeil, hi. You must be Nickola, thank you for helping him out. I guess heís already told you of me, so thereís no need for introductions. Welcome to the US, itís so good to see you again Neil, I never thought I would get to see you again after I had to cancel everything.Ē I watch as she kisses him and then takes his hand. I wish that was me in Neilís arms and then my hand in his, but no, I have to just accept it as it is. Donna is about as tall as Neil, her eyes are green and her hair is a touch of blonde and brown, itís nice I guess, she looks nice, but why couldnít it be me heís in love with? I guess if things were different, then yes, he would love me as much as he loves Donna. We leave the airport after the security checks and head for Donnaís car.
ďIíll drop you off at your new home, I have to admit Nickola, you chose a nice place, it overlooks everything. I wish I was living with you, but Iím still needed with my family, so I guess I canít. Neil, once you and Nickola are done unpacking, would you like to have a welcoming dinner at our house?Ē Neil looks at me and I shrug, Iím not bothered, I would rather have Neil to myself, but heís not in love with me and I wonít destroy our friendship over my jealously of his love with Donna.
ďThat sounds wonderful, thank you, weíll be there.Ē Donna hugs him again and I notice something odd, he cringes slightly, not much to make Donna notice, but I can see it, is he giving a problem with her? Is he losing his love for her, oh I hope so, I really do, I know it sounds nasty, but I want him to love me, and only me. We get in the car anyway and go to our new home and I watch as Neil seems to have some strange trouble with Donna that he no longer has with me, heís scared of her.
Weíve been here for a few days now, the meal at Donnaís was nice enough, even though I could see Neilís fear slowly starting to resurface, despite the fact heís in love with Donna, he doesnít know her as well as he knows me, heís lived with me, Iíve helped him when Donna cancelled everything, Iíve been there for him when heís down while Donna has been here with her family, Neil seems to be more trusting of me than her and I think that means heís slowly realising his mistake in loving Donna when he should be loving me instead. Donna is a nice person, so I donít hate her or anything, I just think Neil is better off with someone who understands him better and who loves him and will help him instead of just not noticing, Neil, please love me instead, please. The past few days, weíve been unpacking and Neil has been looking for a job, I donít need to, even though I think it would be a good idea, but Neil is saying that he doesnít want to sit around the house all day, so I understand his reasoning. Iím going to do whatever I can to help him anyway, heís also mentioned that he should maybe look up Amy and see if sheís okay, itís been a good while since Tony died, over a year now and Neilís worried that Amy is feeling a lot worse. I hope sheís okay.
I think Nick is noticing something about me that is making me wonder if something as changed in our friendship, when Donna touches me, I suddenly feel uncomfortable and afraid, even though I do my best to hide it. Donna isnít noticing it, but I know Nick is, am I falling in love with Nick though, if so, what about Donna? Are these feelings I have about her only a mask, am I that scared of her because sheís a compete stranger to me now? I donít know about that, I guess Iíll just let things happen naturally. Iíve found Amy and she would like to meet me, so I'm off to meet her. I guess she still misses Tony a lot, so Iíll do my best to comfort her in her grief. Iíve arrived at a nice park, this is where Amy is waiting and I can see her sitting at a park bench looking out over a pond, she looks lonely and sad, like she has lost everything in the world. I walk towards her and she sees me.
ďNeil? Itís good to meet you at last, I was going to meet you at the airport, but I wasnít sure if I should or not. But never mind, you look good, howís Nickola?Ē Tony once told me that one day he wanted to meet Amy and give her a moment of happiness, just be there for her, he didnít love her in a lustful way or a sexual way, but in a respectful way, he liked her head strong manner, her stubbornness and her determination to accept new things, he loved her a lot.
ďYou look great, Iím fine, Nickís wonderful. So how are you coping, howís life?Ē Amy beckons over to the bench she had been just sitting on and we go over to it and sit down.
ďI guess everythingís fine, if you call being lonely and unable to accept the one you care for is really gone. Even at his funeral I couldnít accept he was gone, and now a year later, I still miss him. I only just met him and yet it feels like Iíve always known him, like we were always friends. His death was so sudden, so quick, when I found out he was dead, I refused to accept that, I refused to think he was gone. But when the weeks passed and he never came online, I realised that he was really gone, that he would no longer be there for me, for his friends, that he would write no more stories, that he would no longer be a friend, but a memory. I talked to his other friends about it and theyíve all decided to move on, even though a few of them still find it hard to believe. You must think Iím living on false hope and the past, but Iím not, I wish he was here with me, I wish he was alive and living the life he truly deserved. Instead though, heís back in the UK, his body rotting in the ground and his personality, his being gone from us to who ever knows where. One of my friends tells me Iím being stupid, caring for a stranger like this, but she has no idea how much he meant to me, to everyone. Neil, why did he have to die?Ē Amy begins to cry and I let her cry on my shoulder, and I realise that Iím not cringing, and I know what she means, why did he have to die? Tony, wherever you are, we miss you so much.
Chapter 12: Helping a friend
Itís been half a year now, Neil found a job and Iíve also found one, itís not much, but thatís okay, itís something. Iíve been noticing that Neil is overworking a lot lately, saying something about tending to our needs, Iíve told him that we have enough money to last us, but heís a stubborn one, so I organise the odd hour of relaxation for him. His relationship with Donna is actually starting to show sighs of problems, I think itís only a matter of time before Donna falls in love with someone else and Neil falls in love with me, canít wait. Right now, Amy has come round to talk for a while, sheís getting worse, sheís really depressed and Iíve tried to help her, but nothing seems to be working. She went through to the bathroom a few minutes ago, saying there was something she had to do, but no one takes this long in a bathroom unless itís a bath or shower, oh no, she canít be doing what I think sheís doing. I run to the bathroom and knock on the door.
ďAmy? If your in there doing what I think your doing, Iím breaking this door down.Ē No response, shit, she is. Okay, here goes. I smash the door as hard as I can, but it doesnít budge.
ďDONíT YOU FUCKING DARE!!! THIS ISNíT THE WAY TO LIVE WITH YOUR LOSS!Ē Still no response, only one last option to do, I begin stepping back until I can get a good run up and then I run as fast as I can towards the door and then I jump and with a kick that would make even my mum proud, I smash into the door and the lock inside breaks and the door opens. I get up from where I fell on the ground and enter the bathroom, Amy is standing at the sink with a knife aimed at her chest, that was bloody close.
ďGive me the knife Amy, this isnít the way to do things. Tony would want you to live, not kill yourself.Ē She looks at me and then sighs.
ďI miss him so much, you would think that after all this time, I would be coping better with my grief, moving on and all that, but I canít, itís too fucking hard! Why is it he had to die when there are people out there who kill every day? He was kind, gentle, talented and he died because of something like a heart attack, he died alone and unloved, and thatís how Iím going to end up, alone and unloved in a world where good people die early and evil people live on, making things worse. Nick, why did he die and leave me here alone? I know he never meant to, but why did he die? Why didnít he get a chance of happiness in his life, why couldnít he find true happiness? WHY?!!!!!!Ē She drops the knife and I grab her as she begins to cry even harder and I cradle her against my chest, would I be like this if Neil died?
Neil returned home a few minutes ago and heís sitting in the living room with Amy, theyíre talking about Tony and death, I never knew Tony at all, so Iím not sure what to say. I take some cold drinks through anyway, Iím a little thirsty, so I may as well take through some for the other two. As I enter the room, Neil is comforting Amy while she cries harder.
ďShh Amy, shh. I know what youíre going through, but we have to move on now, live our lives. Tony would be saying the same thing, you know that. If he was here now, he would probably say something like, íDeath is only a step onwards, donít grief for me your whole life, just move on, please. Itís just the undiscovered country and Iím waiting for you, but donít join me yet, live first, Iíll so my best to wait for you.í You know that and he would want you to live on without him. I know itís hard, very hard.Ē I pass him and Amy their drinks and Amy sits up and takes a sip.
ďI know that Neil, itís just hard to move on knowing that he never got to live a life he truly deserved, a life where he could be with someone he cared about and who cared for him in return. He once told me that if he died, then he was sure that no one would miss him, not his family, not his friends and he understood that, he said he had lived an unremarkable life and that his death would mean nothing. He was wrong, so wrong, his death did mean something, it meant that the one person who truly cared for the world and his friends was gone for good. I once told him that he was highly important to everyone and he just said in what way, he was so unhappy with himself for being born in a country that he hated and being with a family he had no love for. When we were talking about the possibility of him living in the US, he thought about it and then said that he would like that and asked me if I would be his sponsor and I was happy to accept, and now heís dead before we could even plan things out right.Ē I listen to them as they talk about this and I donít join in, I think itís best to just let them talk about this, they both knew Tony and I didnít. I watch Neil though and he looks at me and smiles gently and I see what looks like love in his eyes, but that canít be, can it?
Chapter 13: Saying goodbye
Me and Neil both have a day off today, so weíre just going to relax, well I am, not sure about Neil though, but Iíll try and get him to relax anyway. Weíve been here for almost a year now and I have to admit that it is hard, but itís also a lot of fun learning about all the new places and just living here in a completely new country. I also think that Neilís and Donnaís relationship is slowly crumbling apart, itís just a guess though. I think Neil is slowly starting to fall in love with me though, Iím not sure, but from the look in his eyes and the strange gentle moments when he just hugs me for no reason and sometimes treats me to something nice, then I think heís starting to feel different about me, I hope so. Anyway, Neil is in the living room and I think heís stopped working for a while, so Iím going to give him a massage to get his tense muscles to relax a little, I wish he wouldnít work so much, itís not doing him a lot of good body wise, heís been tired a lot lately and I think heís starting to have breathing problems, he doesnít smoke and drink, but somethingís wrong. If it gets any worse, Iíll get him to a doctor as fast as I can. I can hear Neil moving about and then he seems to stop and then starts to gasp for air, oh no. I get up from the kitchen table and run through to the living room and I see him, heís clutching his chest and he looks like heís in pain. He turns his head slowly and I can see the pain in his face.
ďNick...chest...pains, canít....breath.Ē He then falls back onto the sofa and I run over to him, oh no, please donít let this one be serious, please! Heís getting worse and then he closes his eyes and I begin to panic.
ďNo Neil, please no! Come on, open your eyes damn it, open them!Ē I cradle his head in my arms and I then lower it and begin to do CPR on him, donít die on me Neil, please! After a few seconds of this, he coughs and I cradle him again.
ďIím okay, I think. But it still hurts Nick, and itís getting worse again, maybe if I just rest, Iíll feel better.Ē No, I can see it in his eyes, he knows that heís not going to heal this time, itís getting worse and I feel him begin to shudder.
ďMaybe not Nick. Time up Nick, love....you.Ē And then before I can say anything, he closes his eyes and then just like that, dies in my arms. It was so quick, so quick and I donít remember the rest, I was told later though by Donna that I had called her and Amy and they had come round fast. I donít remember anything other than his last words, ílove you.í He loved me after all and I love him, so quick, so quick.
Chapter 14: Funeral moment
No rain, you would expect rain on a funeral, but no rain here, itís a sunny day, like Neil had done this to show us the sun, like his eyes. The service was short and sweet, a few songs were played, his family couldnít afford to come, so theyíre not here. Just me, Amy, Donna and a few other friends he made in his short time here. All I can hear though are the birds singing, the sounds of life going on as normal. Was it like this for Tonyís funeral? Donna is crying, so is Amy, my tears are refusing to fall, all week Iíve just felt numb, like I canít cry anymore, like Iím as dead as Neil. I watch as his coffin is lowered into the ground and Donna throws a single rose on the coffin, as does Amy, I do as well.
ďAshes to ashes, dust to dust, may he find his peace in his beliefs.Ē The words sound cold and final, like he was never alive at all, as if he was just a number that was deleted, nothing more. Only me, Amy and Donna stay behind after the coffin is lowered and we hug each other in sorrow.
ďTwo funerals for two friends, one I loved and one I cared for because he was a friend to Tony, two funerals, not my fault, yet why do I feel like Iím responsible for their deaths? First Tony and now Neil, am I a jinx, a curse, am I going to kill anyone else by just living?Ē I hug her and my tears then begin to fall.
ďNo, youíre not a jinx, it isnít your fault. Death just happens, we can never predict it, never know it. Donít blame yourself for what is just a normal part of life, a part of life that can be so quick.Ē It was so quick, one moment he was alive, the next he was dead, just like that, no warning that he was going to have problems until they happened, and even then it was so quick. His life just over in the time it takes to make a lifetime of choices, dead and gone.
ďNickola, what were his last words, youíve never said. You can tell me, I know that our relationship was slowly crumbling, but I just want to know his last words.Ē His last words, so sudden, so wanted, so final.
ďHe said, íTime up Nick, love you.í, thatís all. When I looked in his eyes before he died, I saw him accepting that his time had come and yet he was scared of never seeing me again, of leaving me alone. His death was so quick though, only took a minute, nothing more than that, just a little minute. A minute that will forever be in my memory, frozen and always there, a memory of a single minute.Ē We donít say anything else after that, thereís no more words to say, only the words in our hearts and eyes, and the loss of one we loved and cared for, a friend and a lover. May you find your peace Neil, and say hi to Tony for Amy, love you and miss you, goodbye my love.
Chapter 15: Goodbye everyone
There, thatís everything. I loved him so much and I still love him a lot, I miss him so much it hurts, itís like a piece of me is gone and canít be replaced. Itís been a week since his funeral and itís just hard to live without him here with me, I miss his voice, his laughter, his smile, his eyes. I miss everything about him, his good and bad points, now I know how Amy feels about Tony. It feels like youíre incomplete, like a piece of you that makes you live is gone, the key to your heart and your future, gone. I canít live on without him anymore, this is it, the end, the final curtain, the big goodbye. Donna left, did you know that? She just packed up and left after the funeral, saying she needed to go somewhere where she had wanted to take Neil, Amy left for the UK, sheís still living on. But when I talked to her this morning on the phone, she said something about visiting Tonyís grave again, trying to say goodbye, maybe even live near his grave, be near him until she died. Iíve decided to do the same, to stay here and be near Neil, only Iím not going to live, Iím going to join him. So Iím writing this final letter to say goodbye, my last words so to speak. Mum, if youíre reading this, donít blame Neil for my death, you knew how much I loved him, you knew that I would die to be with him and I think you knew that and thatís why you decided to help Neil. Iíll miss you mum, love you, thank you for my life, it was fun. Donna, if youíre still alive and reading this, donít grief for me, I was only a friend, Neil was the one you loved. Donít blame yourself for his death either, just live on, Neil would like that if he knew. Be happy, remember him, but donít die for him, just live on. And now Amy, I understand your pain, your loss, Tony would be with you right now if he could, you know that. But donít live in the past, donít give up on life, love someone else, even if that love isnít the same, but live on for Tony, heís probably watching over you, wanting you to move on. One day, you two will meet again, until then though, just live life, be happy and remember him. Well thatís all I can think of to say, so this is it, my last words. I loved life, it was amazing, hard and so interesting. When I met Neil, I was so in love with him from the start, that the moment I met him was engraved in my life, and now his death is also engraved in my life, the memory of that one moment he lived and then died in my arms. Love you Neil, see you soon.
Donít cry for me, Iím already dead.
Chapter 16: Amyís words
I heard about Nickolaís death last night and I know of her words to me. She has a point, a very good point, so Iíll live on, for Tony, for Neil and for Nickola and for myself. Iím standing at Tonyís grave, itís a simple grave, only what his family could afford, but itís enough. The words on his grave are so final, so short.
Anthony Neil Watt
B: April 26th, 1979
D: December 16th, 2001
A friend to many, an enemy to few. Missed, loved and gone.
See what I mean? So short, so final. He was so kind and he gave so much care and love to his friends, yet he was treated like he was nothing, like he was a threat. He was so different, so unhappy. And now Neil and Nickola are dead as well, my friends are dying all around me and I miss them all. I wish I had been with him at his death, I wish I had been there to just help him die in the arms of a friend instead of dying alone in a cold house with his family asleep and not knowing until the next day, he died without happiness, only pain, loneliness and probably no last words. I miss you Tony, I miss you so much and I will be meeting you when my time comes, for now though, I will live on, for you. Love you and miss you, I hope you have found peace at last.
Authorís note: Final words from Tony himself
No, Iím not dead, if I was, then who would be writing this? No, Iím just going to say my authors note before I begin something new. Neil and Nickola do not exist in life, they are characters that Iíve made up from years of planning this story, the first Always there, yet just met I wrote was just a small, basic form of this one. I wrote this one because the ideas just became a lot better than what I had to begin with, with the help of friends, Iíve managed to make more ideas for the story and now itís done. To those of you who actually read my stories, youíll have noticed I did a small link to my story, A wish of forever, and it was intentional. Everything I write is from what I know and what I understand, if this isnít what you think it is, then welcome to my imagination, I write in non-normal ways, I donít go for basics, I go for feelings. I write from my heart and my memories, not from a book, I donít copy from anyone else, all my stories are my own ideas, my own work. Well I hope you enjoyed the very last Always there, yet just met. I am working on the final and complete novel slowly, World of our Making is taking up my time these days, so who knows, I might publish it. I hope you enjoyed my rough draft, maybe if this one is liked, I'll submit my story, World of our Making, which is four real people, two vampires that me and Dragonnesswriter made for ourselves and a journey to just get back home. Bye.
Tony Watt, giving his stories to all.
Of memories and feelings, they give me my world.
Of love and feelings, I give my own world to you.
Of my own words and my own thoughts, I give to all.
Of me and my life, I give of a world and the ideas to make a world to know.