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~ This isn't exactly my usual thing but it is kind of the background story, or more the start of a background story for one of my roleplaying characters, all of which can be found on ... either way this is the start of a short story, might not ever finish it but just thought I would get some opinionjs on it soo, opinion away :D ~

The Archer’s Revenge

Soft, olive green eyes scanned across the landscape as a young woman stood on the wooden porch of a well-kept little farmhouse. Her smooth sand coloured hair blew gently across her face in the early summer breeze. A soft smile of contentedness rested placidly upon her face as she watched a hawk swoop down into one of the fields then fly away again, victorious. Work worn but delicate looking hands travelled up to her face to move the offending strands out of her vision whilst her eyes continued to scan the farm, her home. The cows were munching silently as ever and the cockerel was heralding the fresh day. The horses were resting in the fields and the sheep were just as lazy as the cows, all freshly shorn. She took a deep breath of the fresh air and then bent down gently to pick up the basket and headed towards the hen enclosure but not before tying her back with a white cloth to keep it out of the way.

Her small feet were encased in soft leather shoes as they moved across the grass-covered ground to the pen. “All right you two can stop or you’ll wake up little Jaco as well as everyone else and Kadar won’t be very happy about that.” She chided the noisy cockerels as she slipped into the pen quickly lifting an escapee off the ground, placing it back down in the pen, and shooing it away. The sky was clear and it was promising to be a good day, so she thought as she spread the chicken feed about the little pen emptying the basket and then moving to the nesting area and testing the eggs placing an even number of them into the basket before making her own quick escape from the flock of feathers. She pulled one off her dress as she headed back to the house, there was always one. She glanced back at the cockerels as one let out another cry and they seemed suddenly pre occupied, and to think they said that chickens were stupid.

It would be a good idea to go to market today after all with the war markets were not going to be very friendly soon and she wanted to pick up a few things while she sold some eggs. She had just put the basket down as dawn neared completion and arms slid around her waist and she nearly knocked the basket off the table just saving it in time. She laughed gently and turned around placing her arms gently around the neck of the owner of those offensive arms. “What have I told you about sneaking up on me? You nearly cost us two dozen eggs.” She pretended to scold him but when her words were so traced with laughter it was impossible to get across any conviction in her words. His silent smile made her own heart smile and she pressed her lips gently against his before pulling away gently. “Come on now I need to clean the eggs to sell them.”

“I was nearly forgettin’ what day it was. I suppose I’ll keep Jaco with me while I see to the farm then. Do you know what the little scamp did while I wasn’t lookin’ last time? I turned my back for a moment and he was trying to use Barn’s tail and a climbing rope.” He kissed her gently upon the cheek and let go of her waist.

Monella slipped gently out of his loosened grasp and moved the basket of eggs to a safer place to wash them in the sink water, which needed replacing. The eggs were all of quite a decent size. It would be a good sale today. She made a mental list of what she needed to get and placed the dry eggs back in the basket. “I’ll go up, say my goodbye’s to Jaco, and bring him through for you. I shouldn’t be too long and I’ll definitely be back before dark. It was good to get a farm near the market, makes it much easier for us.” She smiled gently and slipped away into the back rooms before he could distract her again. Kadar could be a very distracting man when he had his mind set and he always drew her attention whether he had his mind set or not.

He laughed softly and finished his half eaten breakfast of some salted pork, the stores set aside for over winter and spring were nearly gone through soon. He might go out into the forest and hunt down some deer. He had not eaten any venison in quite a while and he always enjoyed the chance. He glanced at his bow and a full quiver of arrows that currently hung much out of use upon the stone fireplace. Odd that the fireplace was stone and everything else was wooden, it had been that way since he was a child so he never usually noticed. He walked over and looked at the bow, it was like an old friend to him. It wasn’t overly decorated or elaborate but enough to be elegant and beautiful. A soft grin spread across his face as he though the bow was much like his wife. Beautiful and elegant while having that tense capacity for danger just waiting to be triggered. Monella didn’t often loose her temper but when she did it was horrendous and usually ended up in him having a black eye.

Meanwhile, Monella had changed into her market clothes, something a little less grubby and more worthy of public viewing. She also had to clean the chickens little presents off her shoes; they were such kind creatures. She moved into the next room where her young son resided. His fair hair was still wispy though he had lost a little of the chubbiness that babies seemed to naturally inherit. Her delicate smile progress to a soft kiss upon the young ones forehead and the babe yawns opening its drowsy little eyes as she picked him up. “Your getting quite a heavy little thing aren’t you Jaco?” She chuckles as she let him sit on her hip and took him through into the front room.

Kadar turned his attention from the bow and grinned as tiny hands reached out to him. Monella handed him over carefully and Kadar was immediately submitted the to cursory poking and prodding of Jaco’s tiny little fingers. He certainly had the inquisitive nature of a two year old. “Jaco reminds me of my little brother Zeno, he was always poking me in the face, I must have been about 10 at the time.” He moved the child’s hands back down and kissed Monella on the cheek once more as a goodbye kiss. “I shall see you later then, my love.” Monella returned the gesture and disappeared out the door. Kadar saw the heir of the Trevain name before taking him out while he tended to the farm and the crops.

The dark green woollen fabric of Monella’s dress proved to be a little too warm for the recent burst of hot weather and she was soon regretting not putting something a little thinner on. Well it was too late now so she soldiered on with the egg basket in her left hand. The world seemed to be holding its breath and it made her a little uneasy how quiet the road seemed. There was usually a passer by every now and again but today it was quite deserted. There must be something going on that she did not know about, not that it was any comfort. Her mind wandered back to the farm as she approached the market town wondering how the two were getting on. Jaco had tired to talk the other day, she wondered if she would miss his first words.

It came to her attention that the market was only half as full as she expected. The wall guards greeted her with their usual courtesy but said nothing in particular about the lack of people and so she continued to the market at the towns centre. That foreboding feeling from the rode swept over her again like a dark cloud across her mind. She picked a spot in the market near another stall so that she was in talking distance to one of the other farmer’s wives here. “Hello Betti, do you know why the markets so empty today?”

The old woman looked up from her stall of vegetables and a sad smile passed across her face. “S’good to see you again Monella. I’m afraid the news isn’t good. The war has started sooner than expected and much closer to home. This is going to be our last market before we get back to the farm. We’re too close to the border for my own comfort, specially your little farm.” She sold a rather saggy looking bunch of carrots and glanced back to Monella as she got some of her own eggs sold.

“We can only hope that the enemy consider our farms not worthy of their notice or as food supplies rather than supplies for their enjoyment. I cannot imagine what I would do is Kadar or Jaco were hurt, or what they would do if I was.” She sighed softly and that awful feeling nagged at her again. She didn’t like the way the day was turning out.

Give me a reason to love life
Prove to me happiness is real
Show me the undying light of hope
And I will cast away the darkness.


The following comments are for "Archers Revenge"

7th paragraph, you use the present tense 'She chuckles as she....' but the past tense everywhere else. This is well presented as far as it goes, but I'd like to hear more of the story. My favourite descriptive phrase was "Soft, olive green eyes...".
Good one
Take care
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: November 12, 2004 )

I do swap tense sometimes but it is usually a mis used spell checker that hates the past tense and do me a favour Ogg stop calling me Bex like you know me, its stalkerish and scary.

( Posted by: [Member] On: November 12, 2004 )

I read somebody else's comment refering to your name. Assumed it was ok to do the same. I honestly didn't mean to upset you. You won't hear from me again.
Take care

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: November 13, 2004 )

Sorry again, I said 'you won't hear from me again' I meant to type 'you won't hear IT from me again.'

( Posted by: ogg [Member] On: November 13, 2004 )

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