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to piece together
like the whispers we smuggled
across thunderous timepieces


shrouded and my heart
too startled i can puncture
the tyre of my dreams
sweet lyre


we're still grounded each
on his own so forgive me
when i close my eyes


surrender the peace
you have earned to live and
love the way i want


how many times
do i stop and look as if
i have never seen


heaven what i'd like
now it's just a lobotomy
for the destructive mind


bell crashes to the
ground all night long the hockey
pictures gaze down at you sleeping
in full-blown technicolor dreams


erratic preposterous and
gravely saturnine my
flight of fancy


my ears are the silences which
cling onto my head


the ethereal light of your face
sings me a lush lullaby
into dreams which burn out
as quickly as soiled clothings bleached


The following comments are for "disjointed haikus"
by inundatedgrace

Its like having a peek inside you diary. Lovely sentiments. These are haiku-like I guess and I don't know a lot about the form, so I'm afraid I can't offer anything constructive.

I think I like 5 the best. In 4, I'm confused about the use of 'you' in the second line and 'I' in the third. Should they both be 'I' or is this poem a kind of request? or demand? -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: November 10, 2004 )

re: Grace
it's an exclamation of someone having to surrender the peace he has earned to live, to love the way i want... more or less describing the tragic irony of selfish love.

anyhow, i do have a diary, and i don't mind showing you the url unless you promise not to judge the content of it, and merely comment on the way i write.

thanks for all your comments anyhow. (:

( Posted by: inundatedgrace [Member] On: November 11, 2004 )

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