Looking For Bright Spots
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Like me, many of you are probably dealing with a lot of gloating conservatives right about now. They’re walking around smiling with their chests stuck out… acting as if they have personally won something. This behavior makes me chuckle, because as their vote confirms, they just don’t get it…elections aren’t the lottery…you’re job isn’t to pick a winner, but to pick the best person to run the country.
Still, since they’re feeling pretty good about themselves, why not use it to our advantage? (heh, heh) And here’s a few ways how:
Take a conservative fishing : Yep, I know the last place you want to be is alone on a boat with a conservative, but there’s a method to our madness. After all, conservatives have bought the bullshit that Bush is good for the environment and as a result, they are completely unaware that Bush has removed government protections from thousands of miles of creeks, rivers and coastal areas…not to mention that the freshwater bodies in 17 states are so contaminated with mercury that eating the fish with any regularity is basically suicide and that forty-five states warn against eating at least some fish for the very same reason.
So take a conservative fishing, and when giving them all of your catch be sure to say, “Hey, to the victor goes the spoils. You’ve earned this.”
Other outdoor activities : I know, after all that fishing its unlikely that you want to be outside with your conservative “friend,” and in this case, I’m with you. For reasons I’ll get into shortly, your job isn’t to spend time with them, but to encourage your republican supporter to partake in the great outdoors. Why? Many years ago a government program known as Superfund was created. Its purpose was to clean up toxic waste sites created by the chemical and oil industries…and it was funded primarily through a tax on them. However, Bush, in his infinite wisdom, failed to renew the environmental taxes on these industries and as a result, the Superfund is essentially bankrupt. Now, one out of every four Americans lives within a few miles of a neglected Superfund site.
So buy your friend a bat, a ball, or a Frisbee (preferably one bearing GW’s image), and tell them to go outside and breath deeply, just like your kids use to do. After all, those aren’t daisies he’s smelling—that’s toxic waste…mmmm, hmmm.
(When Bush left Texas to become our president, air pollution around Houston was so severe it was killing an estimated 435 people per year and a town just south of Houston led the nation in both childhood asthma and cancer.)
Don’t forget the beach : Encourage your conservative friend to sunbathe as much as possible and when they try to put on sunscreen, slap it out of their hands and tell them to stop acting like a “liberal pussy.” While they're still smarting from that rebuke, toss 'em some spray-on olive oil to apply instead.
If they hesitate to use it, all the better. Then you can call 'em a little wuss tree-hugging, liberal, fancy boy who's afraid of a little sun.
That should have these faux macho men oiling up in no time. Now, all you have to do is sit back, and let the tumors take root. After all, if stupidity is going to be their demise, the least we can do is help it along.
Visit a conservative at work : The October (04) job numbers are in and the Bush team is pretty happy. I’m not really sure why since manufacturing has lost another 5,000 jobs this month (which comes to 19,000 over the past two). On the bright side, the servicing industry has seen yet another month of increases. That’s right “servicing,” which is fancy speak for “servants.” We Americans are moving from manufacturing to serving…is that really a direction we want to be moving in?
So go down to your local eatery and visit a conservative…they’ll be easy to recognize, since they’ll probably be the ones bringing you your meal. And when your conservative wait staff sets down your bill, remind them that if Reagan hadn’t crushed the unions and if Bush had done more to keep manufacturing jobs here, they’d probably be working in a factory right now making roughly $30,000 in today’s wages with benefits, sick time, vacation time, a pension, a certain amount of job security and overtime pay.
And people say your vote doesn’t count, piss—shaw….
Note to conservatives who may be reading this: Ya know what’s funny, the stuff about factory work with all of the benefits, it sounds like a fairy tale, but until Reagan that was reality….everyone had those things…and could still have them today. My mother had only a high school degree when she went to work at a local factory. She made a living wage, had full benefits including dental and eye, and a pension which supports her now in retirement…she earned all of that for packing plastic bottles into a box.
People say that companies can’t afford that today…Bullshit! In case you haven’t noticed, our corporations are banking billions. They are more profitable then ever. They could continue to support their workforce, but they’ve found supporting republicans to be more profitable. And until we as a society stop voting like a bunch of jack-offs, they will continue to feel this way. Why do you allow the republican media to prejudice you against clean air, clean water, unions (who are there to protect your job dip-shit), free access to the courts and the friggen bill of rights?
Damn, people…stop voting yourself and your children into slavery.
One final note, Hitler also used the media to prejudice the masses against the poor and infirm…he said they were a drain on society, which isn’t true…it’s the lack of them that’s a drain. If you don’t believe me, study the great depression. Remember, you are much closer to needing social programs than you are to being rich…that’s right, it just takes one accident, one ill-timed lay off or one unexpected injury.
Don’t you throw away your social security nets…they may be all that keep you from becoming a whore.
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?