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Reasons

Give me a reason to love life
Prove to me happiness is real
Show me the undying light of hope
And I will cast away the darkness.

Give me a reason to accept her death
Prove to me that it was the right time
Show me the way to grieve, to let go
And I will, though it will take time.

Give me a reason to put the knife down
Prove to me that I do not want to use it
Show me the consoquences of my actions
And I might just not use it, maybe.


~ Personally I think the second two verses are a pile of shite but ... I'll probably post an edit sometime or just scrap it anyway. Wrote this on the 7th of November at 9am if anyone cares :P ~

------
Give me a reason to love life
Prove to me happiness is real
Show me the undying light of hope
And I will cast away the darkness.



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The following comments are for "Reasons"
by one.true.lady.uk

i agree
...not that the two last verses are garbage, they do need work, but the first two lines in the second verse are really moving, keep working on it, i bet it'll turn out really sad, which is great too

( Posted by: IlichVladikov [Member] On: November 12, 2004 )

It's that last line
I think all of your lines, here, are quite strong, with the exception of the last line. In my opinion that last line contains two significant faults -- the repetition of not use it and the final word, maybe, which hampers the direct and sharp clarity with which you've etched the rest of this poem.

Of all the topics one can address through the form of poetry, immediately after the subject of love, the subject of pain caused by loss may be one of the most treacherous. It contains those same ensnarements for a writer -- overwhelming emotion can lead to unmindful expression of mundane cliche.

You've done a good job of expressing yourself despite this but I think that sense that one should be wary of the topic is what is causing you to be harsh with your work, here.

In lieu of this, what is the reality of your experience which would be unknown to someone who has never experienced a significant bereavement? What is the core truth to what you are feeling?

On another note, I wrote and posted a poem a few months back which is essentially an answer to your poem in advance. It's entitled "Regarding Tomorrow" -- you might find it salient reading material.

Good luck with your poem. I think you've got some fine working material here.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: November 12, 2004 )

Reasons
This poem is asking for reasons, not about them being given the whole point in fact is that there are no reasons.

( Posted by: one.true.lady.uk [Member] On: November 12, 2004 )





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