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9JEANNIE45
8Spudley

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Fake

Pain deep within a forbidden heart
Thoughts wrapped around a moment
Tightening their fatal grip upon the mind
Emptiness flowing and filling my reality
I keep on smiling, walking, living ... barely.

Suffocating comes the inexplicable sorrow
Tearing without mercy, churning and burning
Torturing an already vulnerable, confused mind
Frustration fills the void with meaningless nothing
I keep on smiling, walking, living ... how?

I'm doing fine, everything's going great, yeah.
I'm happy, I have friends, I'm moving forward.
-I'm empty, I have no meaning, no passion.
I'm lost, can't find the reasons, or the way-
I keep on smiling, walking, living ... why?

No reasons behind this counterfeit life
-What? Why? Where? Who? How? When?-
No answers come however frantic the plea
A devouring coldness stirs from within
It chills my soul, stills my sad tears.

What is wrong with me am I sick?
Tears fall, skin crawls and it's all wrong.
This world is no longer a place I belong
Alien to me in this world I am fake
Am I fake or this world? Where is my world?


~ Definately wrote this one late september, I know this because I felt fake a few weeks into going to my new College. ~

------
Give me a reason to love life
Prove to me happiness is real
Show me the undying light of hope
And I will cast away the darkness.



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Comments

The following comments are for "Fake"
by one.true.lady.uk

Welcome back! :)
Hello there. Good to see you back on the site. It's been too long. And thanks for the comment on my poem too - much appreciated :)

This one reminds me of some of your older poems (I would go back and check, but they seem to have disappeared from the archive :( ... I guess you deleted them?), at least in the emotions they expressed.

But this one is a whole lot stronger than your older stuff. The last verse in particular is has some great wording - "Tears fall, skin crawls" is my favorite bit of the poem; its got a rolling rhythm to it that just works.

I felt that perhaps the first two verses were a little over-long; over wordy. They are good, and they get the emotion across, that's for sure, but they don't do much else; the real meat of this poem is toward the end, and the more there is at the begining that doesn't do much, the longer it takes to get to the good bits.

Anyway, thank you for posting. It's good to have you back. :) Hope to see you around (and on the forums too, I hope)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: November 10, 2004 )

Thanks
Heh, I'll take a look at it and might repost a revised edition somewhere allong the line or whatever but once I lose the emotion I write a poem with it is hard to completely capture it again for editing purposes. Glad to be back really, yeah I deleted them all, wanted a clean slate then started writing the same old stuff, hehehe ... I have a whole selection of poems I am just waiting to be validated so keep an eye out and peek at my other two Spud.

( Posted by: one.true.lady.uk [Member] On: November 10, 2004 )





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