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10thebeast

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I loved you, now it's over
it was fun but i've moved on,
i've found somebody wonderful
and now i can be strong.

i won't lie to you,
i cried for you,
but thats all in the past,
and i never will forget you,
becuse my memories all will last.

------
~*~little*one~*~


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Comments

The following comments are for "moving on"
by littleone

cool
I really liked this one, it was simple yet to the point without any anger.

( Posted by: thebeast [Member] On: November 7, 2004 )

???
moved on from who....MR.Stephen to Mr.Sean???

or are you talking in general with no one particular in mind?

( Posted by: VinceClarke241 [Member] On: November 8, 2004 )

vince
vince who do you think its about ?

( Posted by: littleone [Member] On: November 9, 2004 )

Kathleen
I liked this, you dealt with a subject quickly and sharply. You also avoided the temptation to bring in all the moaning and groaning about lost loves and spread it out over gawd knows how many verses.

Couple of suggestions, if I may:
1st verse - lines 3 + 4 - try substituting 'someone' for 'somebody' then take out the 'and' in line 4.

2nd verse - I loved the first 2 lines, short n snappy. The last line gave me problems though - felt a bit clunky. Try taking out the 'all' - see if that helps. Then read it out to yourself, aloud if you can and pray your family won't think you've gone peculiar!
Hope this feedback is useful for you. It's good to sometimes weigh up what people have said and decide to accept or reject their advice. I've no problem with rejection - waaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Only kidding.
Take care
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: November 11, 2004 )

thanks ogg
thanks for the advice i read it with the changes you suggested and it wirks pretty good......oh and even if my family herd me talking to myself the whouldent find it out of the ordinary....i read things outloud all the time..lol
thanks
littleone

( Posted by: littleone [Member] On: November 11, 2004 )





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