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Drops Of Rain

Sometime ago, I sat in place,
Watching wild jays engaged in a chace
Of love. Trees then came to blossom,
In a blithe and uncertain awesome.

The sun set fairly on the horizon,
Making me forget my life's wizen.
Flowers grew with an ebullient manner,
A scene of Da Vinci's banner.

Once then, I heard a pounding,
Forever hounding
On the earth.
A lifetime's worth
To be remembered,

Such a seen was then rendered.
Drops of rain fell upon me,
Curse he
Who could not appreciate this moment.

That was when I felt lament,
For my life's obesssion was not with- me,
That one angel which she'll be.
Now I wonder through these tears,

If my life will be complete in years,
As these drops of rain hound
On my soul without a sound;
Pounds of life and love and misery.




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Comments

The following comments are for "Drops Of Rain"
by Mr. E

to Mr. E
Lovely poem, quite sad actually. Beautiful imagery. I wonder if you should have kept the rhyme though. And your spelling, you really should check it. Some lines could be polished more.

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: April 25, 2002 )

nice, but...
I have to agree with Furious - there are some jarring spelling mistakes in there.
But if you look beyond that, this is actually a pretty good poem.
I'm not sure that it really needed to be a rhyming poem, though - There's a couple of places where the rhythm jumps a bit, and I think you could have made it flow better if you hadn't been contraining yourself with the rhymes.
Score 6/10 as it stands, but 7 if you fix the spelling, and definitely enough potential for an 8 with just a touch of polishing.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 27, 2003 )





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