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10Dareva
10Demeter

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deep azure lies heavy and with burden over us
the mere hint of wind is broken by branches
hiding the disfigured truth beneath it's limbs
the gnarled thick trunk of the oak.

caresses itself with the long grace of Willow
grass and other plants know it's hidden truth
they grow in it's shadow losing sunlight
never able to grow as tall as the Willow
who's branches sweep over cutting new growth.

But thick, ugly, oak you have made a mistake!

you have tried to cover so many with dark
that your roots are easy to see beneath
coming from dark, rank soil they lift
blistering knolls of growth sweep up.

Your secret is now known, you are dark,
twisted, veiled under deceit as you step
lie after lie over everyone beneath you
twisting the world to your own bitter end.

------
Ask not what you can do to poetry, but what poetry can do to you.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Oak Under Willow Branches"
by londongrey

More background
Tell me more about it. Did you give it a meter? I sense it.

The delivery is very good, the Shakespearean factor is roughly getting there. No kidding!

Regards
Teflon

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: November 1, 2004 )

The Ugly Oak...
Thank you Pen and Teflon for responding, your right Pen, there is a veiled warning in this piece that is ver personal, I suddenly realised that actually everyone else puts messages below face value so then can I!!!! To hell with it!!!

Teflon I did put meter to this, but it's a very abrupt one. I mean this to sound angry but said with a certain degree of control, like an aggressive speech said in an assertive manner, does that make sense?? I love Shakespeare, when I get the talent to invent a third of modern English I'll give you call!!

Thanks again.

Alex :-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: November 1, 2004 )

Oak....Alex
Alex,

You have desecrated my favorite tree, the icon of everything that is British. I have a Bonzai Oak in a pot in my garden that I will have to go and apologise to and convince it that I do not feel it has any dark intent.

Surly your words words are deserving of 'Jack the Ripper' or some other fiend that walked the streets of London!

No wonder the willow weeps...

This poetry was full of feeling and very well written, but please next time pick on an American Redwood!


Have Fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: November 1, 2004 )

Mr.Londongrey
This is a testament to your writing skills. You have managed to get the message across without going for the jugular and direct personal comments. You are another one of those under appreciated writers here at lit.org

( Posted by: MrBlack [Member] On: November 4, 2004 )

WOW!!
Thanks guys, I'm not normally this subservise but I really didn't care.

Thanks for your great comments!!

Alex :-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: November 6, 2004 )

Alex
I really like this style you have here. I like the narrative and the chiding! It's clever! Well written. Thanks!

GG

( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: November 9, 2004 )

Naughty tree
I take it this is a bad tree. A very bad tree. No treats for the holidays this year huh?

( Posted by: DrBlack [Member] On: November 26, 2004 )





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