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its not my fault anymore, its all yours now
no more sweat will drip down my brow
i've handed you my knife...and my being depressed
now i'm longer supressed
i won't let my fears enchain me again
i'm no longer being held prisioner of my pain
that ray was always there, it never did leave
it was just hidden by everything that blinded me
maybe now, happiness can finally come
but at least, for now, the tears are done.


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The following comments are for "ray of hope?!"
by IamMEdontTRYtoCHANGEit

Great stuff Hillary
It feels like a follow-on from 'Just forget me' with the knife I mean. Very upbeat, sounds as though you've survived all the crap and emerged at the other end in one piece.
Your second rhyming couplet 'I've handed you my knife etc.' feels a bit 'clunky' - could I make a suggestion?
You have 12 syllables in the first line and only 8 in the second. Perhaps something along the lines of:
'I've handed you my knife and my depression
now I'm free, there's no more supression'

As always it's up to you, it's your poem. Another suggestion - to reflect this mood of freedom, how about trying some blank verse? While you were feeling down, you were chained by the need to rhyme. If you see what I mean - or am I just babbling now? Oh well.
Take care, good to see you feeling better,
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

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