Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

For an instant, I was happy again,
old miseries were a shadow left far behind,
quietly receding into seclusion without complaint.

For an instant, I had been happy;
only one pair of eyes were visible amongst the others,
everyone else’s words were a soft murmur.

Then we parted ways,
but that instant had not yet passed.
It was clinging to transmuted hope.

Later, on the way home, I bought a Sprite from a street vendor.
I handed the seller a crisp $20, and looked around me for a second.
A moment later, he waved a wrinkled $10 and asked if that’s what I had given him,
for he had to make change.

“Yes” I said, “I trust you”.

For an instant, I had been happy.
Now, I’m ripped off.

-=[ Blank this intentional space! ]=-

Related Items


The following comments are for "Instantanaeity!"
by ak7raplt

It started off well- sounded like a good poem. Then it turned into a story, and didn't work at all with the theme that it started with. It went from ethreal love across a crowded room to... getting ripped off buying a Sprite. It doesn't fit. Either the second half needs to be less real, or the first half more real.

( Posted by: SWHCgirl [Member] On: April 24, 2002 )

I, like the others, thought this started out as a love poem. But then you seemed to wonder off the main topic and decided to tell a story. More importantly, and irrelevant story of you buying a Sprite from a street vendor. The story line needs to go in order to convey a mood.

Mr. E

( Posted by: Mr. E [Member] On: April 25, 2002 )

Hrm. I guess my point didn't get across. I was about to crash the other night & this just poured out of my head. See, to me it made sense. It wasn't that it's supposed to be a love poem, it isn't supposed to be a story. I guess I wrote it as a shot of reality; a rude awakening. All in all, poems are stories, and some stories are, in a way, poetic. I see no reason to adhere to long-established norms.

I think Jessicam had it right: my day started out a love story & ended up a bad joke. Hence, I used both methods to explain it.

( Posted by: ak7raplt [Member] On: April 25, 2002 )

Well, you're either telling a story about buying Sprite or of love. I originally thought that you were eyeing the vender but then thought to myself, nah, that can't be right.


( Posted by: mj20300 [Member] On: April 25, 2002 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.