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It's too loud to hear you. You're sleeping beside me and I'm on my back and holding your hand on my stomach and your mouth is near my ear, I feel your breath, but it's too loud to hear you. The screaming, the confusion, the right and wrong so plainly laid out for me in a maze of insecurity. Everything makes everything too loud to hear. But mostly you and your faded shirts and that hair and those freckles on your arms and all the ways I can't stop this even when I lock myself in a closet. Instead I find myself locking myself in you and so now it's too loud to hear you even though I'm in you and around you and I'm bleeding because of you but the way we are wonít abandon me or us and I'm stuck on my back with your hand on my stomach and your breath hot against my neck and you're asleep beside me in a bed I hate, a bed I made, a bed I invited you into and now, now I canít think of anything but you and I can't hear you because it's too loud in my head and everywhere else you've planted yourself, deep inside where the light doesn't reach and you're thriving, growing, digging deeper, choking the reflection of the sun I saved for myself years before I even imagined you.

When is it too much for you? When can you not hear me? Do you ever? Do you now? If I broke your fingers while you slept, would you feel it? Do you feel anything? Anyone? Ever?

I hate that I need you.
I hate that I need to hear you.
I hate that I can never stop feeling you.
I hate that I hate you.

"When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth." - Kurt Vonnegut

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The following comments are for "Love/Hate"
by madrigals

Desperate madness
I was going to suggest that you take another look at the last sentence in the first paragraph; its 12 lines long. But now I'm thinking that as a stream of consciousness, its probably pretty close to the feeling. So now I'm not sure, but is does make it a little hard to read.

Glimpses of dark places. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

madrigals - love/hate
I give this a ten despite the ones which Philo pointed out because of the memories this piece has sparked off in my mind. Oh, memories that are young and bittersweet. This could be good as a poetry too.

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

Thank you, thank you
Thank you both for your comments. This isn't my favorite piece or even one of my best. It was just something I needed to get out of my head and really, where else could I post something so random? I promise I'll post better things soon.

Thanks again for the feedback!

( Posted by: madrigals [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

Maybe it is also a study of your thought process. If you can control expressing it, then you can build incredible storylines.


( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

Thanks again
Thanks again for reading. I appreciate the feedback :)

( Posted by: madrigals [Member] On: October 30, 2004 )

Yer nice :D

( Posted by: madrigals [Member] On: November 11, 2004 )

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