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my cause
by stupidfreak (Member) - published: October 23, 2004
Word Count: 45 Word Bytes: 213 Viewed: 249 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by stupidfreak





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I have no better cause to live but you.
You have no better cause to live but me.
I want you to know that you are my one , my true , my soul, my fire, my desire, my whole existence is for you.



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The following comments are for "my cause"
by stupidfreak

Hate...
...to say it, but this has been done before. I've said countless times that I'm no poet, but seeing as how you're here, posting your work for feedback, I figured I'd give you some. When writing about something universal, such as an emotional/spiritual longing for something, it's important not to get caught up in cliche or slip into banality. You have to add your own spark to the subject matter - something to make it original, individual, and, most importantly, yours. That being said, I'd be interested in reading more of your work. I see potential, certainly, I just think that you need to develop a stronger, more focused personal voice.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: October 25, 2004 )





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