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In the emptiness the ghosts meet the pain
The happiness of yesterday lays where it's slain
A haunted darkness took it's place
Reflective windows in a face
Hidden behind the darkened panes
The life of another wanes

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The following comments are for "haunted eyes"
by hbaybb

Crying out for more.
There are some bits in here that are really fantastic - that second line, for example, is wonderful. You've got a good rhythm combined with some powerfully worded lines.

In the first few lines it feels like it ought to be a song (blues, maybe?), the rhythm is that strong. But as it stands, it felt like it ended too soon; a bit abrupt.

I like it, but I want more!

Thank you. :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: October 22, 2004 )

i like the feeling of it is short yet long, depressing yet joyfull great writing! :-)
++only a true writer can do that++

( Posted by: forsakengurl [Member] On: October 24, 2004 )

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