Loathing Linen
by Lasher (Member) - published: October 21, 2004
Word Count: 121 Word Bytes: 875 Viewed: 299 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by Lasher

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8	Penelope

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I know you never liked linen
But it is not reason enough
To stain the white bed sheets
With your stale cola drink.
My mother bought them for me
What will she think?

Afternoon seductions will feel the lack
Without the solace of the fine
Linen sheets against our bodies.
Mindless about the bed's
Eternal complaints of
The heaviness of our
Ecstasy
Or the gods' envy.

You don't understand
I don't do laundry for another week
How will I slumber without smelling the reek?
The rats will surely come out of the attic.

This is a lesson to learn
Never bring again visitors to my room
Taking their drinks with them

Or people who have so much spite
for linen.

------
rbs

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Comments

The following comments are for "Loathing Linen"
by Lasher

linen vs satin sheets
I'm with you on this! The nerve of some people huh? Wonderful title with enticing alliteration.
A couple of small suggestions:
Quote:

I don't do laundry in another week

Wouldn't the word -for- instead of 'in' be more appropriate?
for the first line in the second to last stanza. Quote:

This is a lesson to learn to

In my opinion, you could omit the last 'to'.
I really enjoyed the wrap up lines - spite for linen - very nice! My oddball humour added an 'r' to spite to make it sprite which wouldn't have done your sheets so much damage. :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: October 22, 2004 )

Linen
This poem seem to imply that meticulosity can sometimes vanquish the lust. I do not often find it that way, the more the bedsheets were besmirched and the furnitures displaced the better. However, your words to define seduction are very good.

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: October 22, 2004 )

I adored this.
It makes me think of how Felix in the Odd Couple would have behaved had he brought a lady home and she spilled a soft drink on his bed. I do have a few picky suggestions, if you will allow me.

Coca-Cola should be capitalized. It's a brand name, not a type of soft drink, like root beer.

Is "lonely" really the right word in describing afternoon seductions without the white linen sheets? I should think a different word would be more appropriate - something like "incomplete" or some other word to describe something lacking.

I should think "mindless about the bed's..." should be "mindless of the bed's..."

Why wouldn't your friend understand if you tell him? Perhaps you should say "You don't understand", then proceed to tell him that you don't do laundry FOR another week, not in another week.

And last, don't you bring visitors "to" or "into" your room, rather than "in"? "Bring" indicates that they aren't there yet, while "in" implies that they already are.

These are mostly picky grammatical points. They don't change the direction of the poem, just make it easier to understand.

I loved your ending line. This was just such a fun poem to read.

( Posted by: Cyn [Member] On: October 22, 2004 )

Thank You
Thanks a lot, guys for all your comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it.

( Posted by: Lasher [Member] On: October 25, 2004 )

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