The following comments are for "A view with inspiration" by poesandpoetry
Some great lines and the end is excellent. Only the summoning vomit line. I don't know if it fits so well with the tone of the rest or is more convenient in rhyme if you know what I mean. Everything otherwise worked really well.
Now it may well be that the sight of rippling thews and sinuous honed manflesh summons vomit.;) So this is just a suggestion but why not have her "feasting her eyes upon it" in that fourth line or something along that train of thought.
Good stuff otherwise. cheers smithy.
Posted by: smithy [Member] On: October 21, 2004
Hi Smithy, I think you're right about the vomit. I was being a bit lazy here with the rhymes. I'm trying to "get my groove on" so to speak. I feel a little uninspired and rusty.I still like the topic. It's like a guilty little pleasure that "ladies" don't like to speak of. Oooooh, the controversy....
Wow, some things you just don't expect. Uninspired? I think not! Hot and Bothered, me thinks. You "got your grove on" well in this one, however I think the experience of "writing" it may have been a wee-bit anti-climatic for you, left you wanting a little more or none altogether. Am I right?
Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: October 28, 2004
Her jaw was locking in knots
her mind was reeling in sin
I'm wet! It must be sweat... This rocked, and the above is just hot.
Also, how can I resist someone quoting my favourite Poe work as their signature?
Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: October 28, 2004
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