The following comments are for "China Climber" by 00Greenleaf00
since the poem is so short, i don't like that climber is used twice, the first one could be replaced i think with a different word...
Posted by: supergranny [Member] On: October 23, 2004
Well, I always enjoy these humurous limericks you dabble in. They are light and fun but I still find them a little off the beat of a real flowing limerick. It still feels a syllable short in some of the lines. Also, I get the feeling you used climber twice as a sort of whimsical matter-of-fact conclusion. It just needs to be a touch more sophisticated to work well though. Eg:
"Now the climber from China is no climber." Or something better than that. "Now the climber from China is a recliner." Maybe?? Keep having fun.
Posted by: smithy [Member] On: October 23, 2004
Add Your Comment
You Must be a member to post comments and ratings.
If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!