Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9.66

(3 votes)


RatingRated by
10johnb79
10Teflon
9williamhill

You must login to vote

I keep the books beside my bed
and silent wishes in my head
that when I wake to morning red
that somehow then you won't be dead

I read the books that profess the skill
to contact those no longer ill
for skills to reach beyond the still
beyond the grasp of Deathly chill

I watch the shows on every night
that talk about those in The Light
and I wonder still just how I might
change past events and make things right

I pay the gypsies to let me talk
to you wherever you may walk
Ignoring those who point and mock
my patience times to no one's clock

I pray myself to sleep and dream
that things are not what they might seem
that somehow your life I will redeem
I send these prayers on each moonbeam

I see your face in strangers passing
I hear your voice in echoes flashing
And all the while my sins rehashing
But each day hope is slowly dashing

Daddy, daddy best friend of mine
If only I had known your time
had come so quickly how I was blind
The guilt is burning in my mind

I keep the books there by my bed
and silent wishes in my head
that when I wake to morning red
that somehow, somehow you won't be dead

------
All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream....
Edgar Allen Poe


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Unreality"
by poesandpoetry

Old school
This is a great poem. It reads like a chant, an incantation or a prayer. Regret, longing, guilt, sadness, desparation, disbelief and hope all shine through in this.

I have a suggestion for the sixth stanza: Passed (or past), flashed, rehashed, and dashed. I think these lines may benefit from a more abrupt ending. The "ing" seemed to soft to me and "dashed" seems to work better at the end.

But thats minor stuff. I liked this very much. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )

comment
Philo, I think you are right, I think it would have been better that way - more past tense. Thank you for commenting.

( Posted by: poesandpoetry [Member] On: October 20, 2004 )

Unreal
this is an excellent poem. I enjoyed the flow and rhyme. minor pick with "somehow " in 5th stanza. it interrupts rhythm a bit. "someway" or?

williamhill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: October 23, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: