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8Spudley

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wash away my pain, wash away my tears
wash away my problems, wash away my fears
wash away my anger, wash away my rage
wash away my hate, wash away this 'phase'
was away my suffering, wash it ALL away
wash away this life, wash away this day!

------
<<-Hillary->>


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The following comments are for "come clean"
by IamMEdontTRYtoCHANGEit

wash
They do say "It will all come out in the wash." Short and to the point, but, a point well made! I know I have felt this way more than once. Thanks, I really enjoyed it. Tara

( Posted by: tb51 [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )

YES!
Good tight rhyming scheme (as usual) Scans well, excellent incremental repetition with the phrase 'wash away' that really drives the poem along accelerating all the time. You're showing teeth now, Hillary, and proving you're not afraid to use them. It's a lovely balance of anger and despair at a crappy world. BUT, I hate doing this, you said 'was away my suffering'. It took a second reading for me to notice it. Shows how effective your style has been that it takes a second look before realising anything's wrong.
Look up my poem 'habour' for shameful details of my imperfection!
More please!
Take care
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )

Unclean! Unclean!
I like this one. Good use of repetition - it builds a strong impression of anger and frustration, and a certain feeling that there must be something you can do make it better. I'm reminded of Lady Macbeth constantly washing her hands to try to purge her guilt.

Good stuff. Thank you :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )

Macbeth also
Good job using repetition. I agree with Spudley, I also was reminded of the same Macbeth scene!

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )





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