5 minutes
by thebeast (Member) - published: October 8, 2004
Word Count: 122 Word Bytes: 910 Viewed: 446 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by thebeast

(1 votes)

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10	Char

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I've 5 minutes
to say to you
what it took me
forever
to realize
I know that
in
the
past
I've been unfaithful
and that
no matter what
i say
or
what i do
nothing
can change the fact of
what i've done

but since i've
been without
you
i have come to
realize that
i truly do love you
with
all my heart and that
you are
the most
wonderful person i've ever known
in my
entire life

(3 minutes left)

so i ask of you
with tears in my
eyes
and hands that shake
if you can find
it in your heart
to see past my
mistakes
and offer me back a place
in
your heart
(time is up)

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Comments

The following comments are for "5 minutes"
by thebeast

Time's Up
I really like how it's straight forward. Everyone makes mistakes and it's never until after we make them that we realize how bad they are. Making a mistake is easy, making up for it...not so much. I also wonder why this person has five minutes. Makes me wonder of he just showed up on her doorstep, and before she could slam the door he said, "Wait....just give me five minutes to talk."
I would like to see this poem developed more though...but then again perhaps it's the broadness that makes it easy for people to relate. I can't decide. lol.
One last thing, spiffy Avatar. Real cute. :D

( Posted by: Concept [Member] On: October 8, 2004 )

Spiffy
I'm with Concept I'd like to see you put more in to this. I'd also like to see you mention the (3 more minutes left) where it's placed right now doesn't work with your time slot. you say 3 more minutes left but the poem is done in only a few seconds. I'd mention it earlier and give them more of the poem to read after that so that it feels more like 3 minutes. This was a good piece, a little angsty but that's ok, and I like the idea of centering it around 5 minutes. concept is right, who of us have never said just give me 5 minutes and we see it on TV all the time. Good work.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: October 8, 2004 )

a few words
Thank you all for taking recognition of what I've written, but it seems that I need to explain a little of the time lapse.
"5 mintes" actually was written in 5 minutes. The first part which is also the longest part just kind of came out, so at the 3 minute mark I stopped and pondered some before I continued.
Also, the part which says "with tears in my
eyes
and hands that shake" you can assume the the character is very upset and it's taking longer to finish.

But again, thank you all for the comments.

The Beast

( Posted by: thebeast [Member] On: October 8, 2004 )

Well done
I really like this piece. It's raw and yes, I enjoy the angst. It wouldn't work without it. We are all human, with shaking hands, and deserve forgiveness. We all make mistakes, therefore erasers on pencils, but I see no mistakes here in this piece. Good job.

Thanks,
Char

( Posted by: Char [Member] On: October 8, 2004 )

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