Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(2 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

I thought together
we'd take our leave.
Quiet, pensive
you had other ideas.

Asked for time alone
and I knew why.
With sadness I acquiesced
but really wanted to cry

Bonds have been strained
both walking on eggshells.
Confused of what's goin' on
wishing for tensions to quell.

You've mentioned moving out
how that cuts like a knife.
I've caused this somewhat but
exiting would devastate my life.

I'll love you forever and
know I've put us through hell.
Why are we so discontented,
do you know, can you tell?

Saying good-bye you walk out
no look back at me or even a kiss.
Dejected I think to myself when will
we get along and quit bitchin'?

I watch as you drive away
heart aches for your prescence.
I look around and feel lost as
our home misses your essence.

Sitting and comtemplating
even music can't ease my mind.
No my way or your way
we must truly rebind.

When will you return,
will I be alone all day?
Sick of arguing, and can't eat,
fear anything is wrong to say.

CJ Herlihy

Related Items


The following comments are for "WHAT'S WRONG ?"
by CJHerlihy

on my rating system
9.3 for structure, consistency
"wishing for tensions to quell" could be made to suit "quells"

"we get along and quit bitchin'?" could be fitted for "bitch and hiss"

9.7 for artistic delivery

Teflon :-)

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: September 14, 2004 )

You captured my attention, so, that's merits a ten, automatically. This is well written and from the painful side of the heart. Well said.


( Posted by: Char [Member] On: September 14, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.