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9

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8chapter1
10Char

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I thought together
we'd take our leave.
Quiet, pensive
you had other ideas.

Asked for time alone
and I knew why.
With sadness I acquiesced
but really wanted to cry

Bonds have been strained
both walking on eggshells.
Confused of what's goin' on
wishing for tensions to quell.

You've mentioned moving out
how that cuts like a knife.
I've caused this somewhat but
exiting would devastate my life.

I'll love you forever and
know I've put us through hell.
Why are we so discontented,
do you know, can you tell?

Saying good-bye you walk out
no look back at me or even a kiss.
Dejected I think to myself when will
we get along and quit bitchin'?

I watch as you drive away
heart aches for your prescence.
I look around and feel lost as
our home misses your essence.

Sitting and comtemplating
even music can't ease my mind.
No my way or your way
we must truly rebind.

When will you return,
will I be alone all day?
Sick of arguing, and can't eat,
fear anything is wrong to say.



------
CJ Herlihy


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Comments

The following comments are for "WHAT'S WRONG ?"
by CJHerlihy

on my rating system
9.3 for structure, consistency
"wishing for tensions to quell" could be made to suit "quells"

"we get along and quit bitchin'?" could be fitted for "bitch and hiss"

9.7 for artistic delivery

Regardz,
Teflon :-)

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: September 14, 2004 )

WHAT'S WRONG
You captured my attention, so, that's merits a ten, automatically. This is well written and from the painful side of the heart. Well said.

Thanks,
Char

( Posted by: Char [Member] On: September 14, 2004 )





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