Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
10

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
10poetryman
10Serenem

You must login to vote

It won't be long now,
the end.
It's not supposed to be this way,
bits and pieces
of America falling.
Away.

Signals sent of our dying gasps
fly to the envious.
How do we defend
against ourselves?
Self-inflicted mortal wounds.
Murmers.

Just among us,
there is no hiding,
no wrong,
or closet,
no clearinghouse for shame.
Comedy.

We are covered in dust
without the strength to shake
it off.
Going blind,
blinking blood.
Paste.

There is no river,
no boat
to save us.
We are the victims of freedom.
I own an oar.
Rise.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Before Our Time"
by williamhill

Alex's oar
Wow, Alex. This is an interesting poem. It's extremely thought provoking and I'm still digesting its meaning. Quite a good commentary on our current situation both at home and overseas, I think. I really love the structure of it-- each stanza followed by a one word line-- sort of a commentary on each stanza.

Overall this is well done, but I love what the final lines have to say most of all.

'There is no river,
no boat
to save us.
We are the victims of freedom.
I own an oar.
Rise.'

Excellent!

My warmest regards,

Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

up the creek
a man who knows the inevidable, that we are self destructing, up a creek without a paddle, but you have one, a plan, a solution, or just like the rest of us, an oar that signifies how big this boat (life) could have been....awesome piece....Bob:)

( Posted by: poetryman [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

Charlie
Like Melinda I love the structure of this. It's a great poem, it leaves me feeling very empty and sad. Although the last word 'rise' gives a tiny bit of light. very good charlie. huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

Before Our Time
Williamhill; This is very superior..first class all the way. I enjoyed this read alot....
Thanks for this...

Blessings,
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

Charlie...
I don't know what happened there... I know your name! I do, really! I apologize.


=0/



Stupid melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

time
thanks Bob. I think of the rise and fall of the roman empire here. you are right, solutions come one at a time.

thanks lilia, i'm not a big fan of victim. in this case it seemed apropo.

I live for hope Huni. I pray our country re-groups.thanks for reading and critique.

thanks a million jeannie. blessings on your house.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

time
we need more oars Melinda, lots more. and more people to stand, even on shaky legs. you are so funny.....

falling down laughing charlie.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

But, but, but-- Charlie


if you stand in a rowbot... won't it tip over?

('specially with those shaky, fallin' down legs?)


Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

rowboat
i'm a rowmantick (hillbilly spellcheck) i fancy a pirate ship myself.lol

charlie.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

rowman tick?
Ewwww, that's what you get when ya'll go fishing with your hound dog, charlie!

Ya hafta be careful of them little buggers...


Pirate ship, huh?

~smile~

(picturing Johnny Depp... ahhhh, yes!)

Melnda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: September 10, 2004 )

Before our time
Charlie, wow this is so different from your chronicles. I had to keep checking to make sure I was still reading you. Very interesting piece. I think I will go get a second cup of coffee so I can concentrate, too much to think about so early in the morning. Good work.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: September 11, 2004 )

moving
I was really moved by this piece and I'm not sure it was meant to be. I think this is a classic, like Nae said there is so much to think about on so many different levels.

Great piece.

(joins Serenem) hhhmmmmmmm.

Alex ;-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: September 11, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: