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9.4

(5 votes)


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10CJHerlihy
10Serenem
10Snapshot
8Staggerlee
9Teflon

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There is an art to leave-taking:
at least make my sorrow
sweeter to remember,
say adieu one morning after
a long,
long night of love-making.

at least add something new
to my breakfast cookies,
arrange them maybe
on some paper doilies...
or stuff them with fortune messages
or prayers for my safekeeping.

Then leave,
leave while I am not looking...

------
*************************************
crystal face I kiss
tongue tastes like sweet cold rain
I fall into pond




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Comments

The following comments are for "Last Impressions"
by peterpaulino

Peter/impressions
Wow, Peter, you keep coming up with the loveliest poetry. huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: September 8, 2004 )

last impressions
This is very sad. "Leave while I'm not looking". That's the action of a thief, not a lover. Regardless, this is lovely, as Huni says, sad, but lovely.

( Posted by: mzjen1 [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

last impressions
Have just been "lurking" here the last couple of weeks. You have written some wonderful poems, this is no exception.

( Posted by: Snapshot [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Touching!
Peter, this is one of the most poignant pieces you've ever written. Touches the heartstrings! I love it!

Ma

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Nice job
Peter I liked the imagery you presented, especially this line, "or stuff them with fortune messages." I would have liked to see this a bit longer and a tad deeper with one or two more images. I mean you got me good with the first two stanzas so don't let me go so soon. Know what I mean?

( Posted by: Staggerlee [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Peter
You truly write such thoughtful, poignant poetry!

This is lovely, heart touching...



Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Wonderful...
Expression of a True Romantic...

You've done it again Peter...

And personally I love the way you were so concise...

It adds to the emotions felt, and as stated very above poignant...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

((((Peter))))
Hey Love, this is wonderful!!! YOU, sir are powerful with the pen, keys, whatever you use to ink your thoughts.
I agree with Fairplay about hating farewells of the permanent type..
I love this poem Peter, and what adds to it, is LOOK at all the wonderful comments!!! Kudos to you sweetheart!!!

Thank YOU for this....
Darlene

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Peter's Multivitamins
Peter - I'm starting to think that all you think about is sex and breakfast. I hope you're taking your vitamins. Well done - again. Don't always comment, but do enjoy. - Carl

( Posted by: cjmiller [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Last Impressions
Beautiful Peter, absolutely Beautiful! I agree with Fairplay, I hope she is just sneaking out on her way to work.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

equality
I really liked your romantic overtones and they way you dealt with the idea of leaving. I saw it way more as a long absense rather than leaving for a day.

However, I was struck by the feminie role here. The woman is expected to mark the occassion herself through her baking? I don't buy that part. I do understand what you are trying to communicate but if you intend for this to show equal love and partnership I would recommend reworking that ending stanza.

I really liked your wording other than that. Very elegant and fragile...very romantic indeed.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Thank you, and don't worry
Everyone, please don't worry, she is not going to leave. Do you know those moments after a long night of loving, when one felt so much anxiety about losing the person he cared for so much? A person's tendency is to think this way, something like preparing oneself for whatever might happen. Silly, silly thoughts, though.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: September 11, 2004 )

hey pete
i loved this one. reading it put a lump in my throat.

( Posted by: viewsocruel [Member] On: September 11, 2004 )

so touching peter....
you are a true master of your craft as well sound like a lover any woman would want...sensitive, committed.....beautifully done.

( Posted by: CJHerlihy [Member] On: September 11, 2004 )

Rane and CJ
Thanks a lot for liking this piece. Your comments are so valuable to me. See you around guys. ;D

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: September 12, 2004 )





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