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7Staggerlee

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I haven't been writing much lately, but I've been waiting for this for so long, this is MY FIRST ATTEMPT TO WRITE A LOVE POEM. It's a bit too short, but anyway…those of you who don't know what a Datura is, it is a poisonous flower, the ones I've seen were white (glazed a little), but I'm not sure if there are other colors…
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You're a Datura, surrounded by a million roses yet you stand unique
Your petals so bold and fragrant in comparison to you the roses, they reek

You rest untouched, for the flowers know of the poison of which you bear
You're blessed with the beauty of a million roses to me, yet others are unaware

And I long for the summer when our stems would grow, thus bringing me closer to you
I wait so tolerantly for the time to come so you'd know I'm a Datura too



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The following comments are for "Datura"
by seniorme

datura
Very nice. Datura is a very magical herb. I wouldn't so much consider it poison so much as a very powerful medicine, only to be used under doctor supervision. It's been used in Shamanic rites and as anesthesia in the olden days. It's appropriate, I feel, to compare with an object of affection. Hehe. Thank you for sharing.

( Posted by: mzjen1 [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Love Poem
Not bad for a first effort at a love poem. I've rearranged the line breaks so I could read this better. What do you think of how it looks now?

You're a Datura,
surrounded by a million roses
yet you stand unique
Your petals so bold and fragrant
in comparison to you
the roses, they reek

You rest untouched,
for the flowers know of the poison
of which you bear
You're blessed with the beauty
of a million roses to me,
yet others are unaware

And I long for the summer
when our stems would grow,
thus bringing me closer to you
I wait so tolerantly for the time to come
so you'd know I'm a Datura too

( Posted by: Staggerlee [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

jen,staggerlee,lilia
thank you all for the lovely comments. jen thanx for all the info about the herb, i never knew it was a medicine, really interesting though. staggerlee, i write this stuff, so that's why i probably wouldn't find any difficulty in understanding it, i sometimes worry about not mentioning the whole objective, i liked the way you stacked it up, thanx, i'll try to do the same next time. lilia, glad you thought it "wasn't bad" thank you.

( Posted by: seniorme [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Staggered Well

This work had to be staggered in the manner of Staggerlee and repunctuated, to make it musical .

Maybe if the stream of consciousness was moreimportant to you, then it would suffice to have kept the line format but improving it with strategically placed commas.
Regarz,

Teflon


( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: September 9, 2004 )

Datura
I'd never heard of a Datura, but I think the poem is great. I love how you consider yourself a Datura also. A great love poem, and it's wonderful how you see yourself so unique, and yet there is this perfect person just for you.
Keep it up.
S.

( Posted by: Serendipity [Member] On: September 22, 2004 )





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