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The latest page from my LiveJournal...apparently I was ranting for QUITE some time! :) - Roehl
---'s been awhile, but a crushing midterm grade in politics bummed me out for awhile. It got me to thinking how transitory everything is (oh, stop crying, I'm not contemplating suicide JUST yet! *g*). I mean, life goes on, you pick up the pieces and you move on to whatever's next. But before I do - meaning I do believe I'm almost certainly going to fail comp. politics - I wanted to get some words out that I know I'm going to quickly regret. I'm in one of those moods, don't bother me.

In all my life, I've adored three princesses. One can never truly Love another unless they spend an entire lifetime together, so I use the word "adore."

The first of the three came by the name of Nicole. My first grammar school, honest-to-God crush. Not being wise enough to know that love (small l, not capital L) is more than just material goods, I secretly gave her gifts, hoping that she might give me a glance more often. She had long yellow hair and eyes that could make anyone feel better about themselves. We parted ways as friends, never saying a true word to each other. Of course, we were fourteen and leaving the eighth grade for high school, what the hell did I know?

I had, with a girl name Gina, my first and perhaps only real relationship in my freshman year of high school, so everything was in a haze (which is an excuse of mine to explain how badly I screwed up this fairy tale of mine). She wore glasses, was a foot smarter than the smartest of us in the class, and could whip the rest of us in any sport that required running and a spherical object to throw or kick around. A rose on Valentine's Day bought me her attention for about a number of weeks.

I was too frozen in love to do a damn thing, is my problem. So she moved on. I resisted, and there went the whole ball game.

The third princess, I know not whether I should put on a mental pedastal or resent for the rest of my natural life. Her name is Alia. Flowing dark hair and perhaps infinite beauty, and not one to not take seriously, either.

See, love at the top of the social food chain in high school is much like waiting in line at a bank that has thirty teller windows but has two people to work them. And when you're at the bottom of the chain, you better expect some people to cut in line. A very cheap analogy, I know, but accurate enough. When others vie for affection, I'm kinda left blowing around in the wind, not given any attention. Such is my lot in life. I accept it gladly, it affords me many freedoms I enjoy, but denies me the one I desire most.

BTW, if you go to my story entitled "What's It All About," Ashley is based on Alia. Don't tell anyone, though. :)

In all my life there were three princesses: Nicole, Gina and Alia. I've always shot the moon, raised the stakes to everything I had, all or nothing, take your pick. That is why, my friends, I have always been alone.

I don't know why they all came to mind tonight. I honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring - I will beg and plead with my TA that I am graduating with my Associates this semester and I CANNOT take a failing grade for a course that satisfies my major - so one often says bold and sometimes foolish things to convince himself that he was alive in this life.

Or perhaps it reminds me of better times (though there's a figment of my imagination that resembles Ed Koch that says, "It never was what you thought it was"), happier times when love was within my grasp.

Nicole, Gina, and Alia. Three princesses who had at least one that thought the whole world of them for a time.

So, anyways, unofficially I've affiliated myself with the Plainfield Curling Club in Plainfield, NJ. Ask me again in October, when I join up for real. :)

I'll be going to Anime Central in Chicago week after next, say hi if you're at the Anime Central fanfic panel, or the fanfic writers' dinner.

Congratulations to Matt from KY and Chris from MI for winning the gift certificates. WNYU's J-Pop Monday is gone forever. Long live J-Pop Monday!


The following comments are for "Three princesses"
by TachyonOne

Three Fears

Jessica is right...

I want to hear about the fear that kept you from sticking your neck out. The self loathing that kept you from your love(s). And most of all...the moment (even if it is yet to come) you realized it was you holding you back

( Posted by: Jeff [Member] On: April 9, 2002 )

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