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I walked down the street, as the cold wind bit at my neck. Down the street I went, to my destination; the park and hall theater. I was ready for my concert, my voice felt warm. I could feel the itching in my throat; I was ready to let my voice throw across the room and dance on the other wall. Brilliance come and unleash around the room, all from me.
Although, it was so cold; winter in New York City, was never my favorite. I walked across the street, as the cars stopped and the pedestrians past along with me. I’m so close to the theater now, I think I can hear it tick with the people waiting for me to join them inside. I’m filled with energy to just sing out here, on the street; but I know that would be a bit odd, singing in front of all these people? Even if they were all here to listen to me, I couldn’t.
Inside of the Theater lobby at last; it’s a marvel on the inside. Beauty everywhere! The walls are a deep red, and the ceiling is just jeweled with paintings of flowers and trees and grass. I could see Jason by the wall, eyeing at me and waiting for me to come over. I walked towards him and smiled, “Isn’t this fun; just me, and you, for every one!” I said, feeling my face glow.
He laughed, “You’re just so excited to actually be performing for a change, instead of sitting in that dreaded recording room, eh?” I laughed along with him, my smile growing. “Well aren’t you? This is going to be so much fun!” I said, walking off into the back of the theater, him following.
“Well of coarse, but this place is kind of small, have you seen the inside yet?” he said, as we walked down a hallway to a dressing room. “Nope, but I bet it’s beautiful too!” I said, closing the door to my dressing room to get ready for the night. I heard him outside say, “She is always so happy.” that is too true!
I had picked out the very best dress to wear tonight. A simple pink strapless dress underneath and a beautiful blue see through cloth over it, just lacing it wonderfully! It’s all tied in the back nicely! I have a flower in my hair, and beads on my wrists. I feel like an angle going to a party for the best of heaven! And just think, I get to sing for the crowd?
Energized and happy I stepped out of my dressing room, to find Jason waiting. “What do you think?” I said, smiling and twirling around in my perfection-dress, as I thought it. He laughed again, “your making this all so grand…” he said, amazed at the dress, “but enough gawking, we have to go and prepare on stage.” he continued, walking off to the further back of the theater.
I smiled, and followed along, “This is so fun! I’m so happy and ready to go!” I said, talking to myself, although others heard for sure. “Calm down…gesh” Jason replied, as we walked out on the stage.
I looked at the crowd, so many people, and so many shining faces just waiting for me. I leaned over to Jason, “I thought you said, ‘get ready’?” I asked, surprised by all of the people. “Ha, well, yes that’s what I said, but no…we’re out here now for the show!” he said, laughing.
I was a bit stunned, “already! Should I go and say something to the crowd?” I sound so nervous, and yet minutes ago I was ready and prepared for now! “Yeah, do what ever. They probably want to here you speak…” he mumbled staring at me, still amazed at my dress.
I walked to the front of the stage, as the light shined on me, and I squinted. Yet all at the same time I heard the crowds cheer, and chant my name even! I lowered the microphone to me, as the tester must have been much taller then me. “Hello New York City!” I said first, blank of what I should really be saying. What a stupid thing to say at first…I was sure of that; and the crowd roared up again, and I spoke some more, “this is Annette, and I’m ready to sing for you all tonight!” stupid! I should have something better to say then this?
Still, they all cheered for me, and I felt like a star. I leaned away from the microphone, “Are we ready?” I asked Jason, as he gave me a thumbs-up. I went back to the microphone, and sighed, as I prepared to let my voice go; and yet I stopped, and smiled, “Here we go” I said at the microphone, and then began singing.
Every where my voice went; I felt as though divine air was passing out of me, as I got shivers, and tried to keep calm. I could hear the electric sounds go through the microphone, and react with my voice, making beautiful techno music. The crowds screamed and hollered, terrific I felt. But something seems wrong, I could hear my voice, I could hear the electronics, yet something sounded wrong. Then the song ended, and I took a deep breath. My throat was already sore, and my mouth hurt. I sighed, and got ready for the next song.
There it came, and my voice shot out strong and good again! But something still felt odd; and then again…something in me felt strange. Was it just the new experience of being here? Being in front of all these people? It can’t be…
Then I really felt it, a shock up my body. I twitched, and fell a bit, but the music was still going, and I had to sing. So I just continued, and hoped no one noticed. I heard Jason say something to me, but I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my voice traveling around.
There, again! A shock! I felt it…it went up my body, and around. My legs gave out, how could I; at this awesome place! My eyes closed around me, I heard screaming, and I could hardly hear Jason saying something to me. And then I must have passed out, all was dark.
“Is she alright?” I heard whispering at my ear; around me, actually. I couldn’t see anything, still dark. “She is fine...Electrical shock.” said another person. I heard some mumbling, and some one touched my face, a warm hand, whipping past my clammy cold skin. Finally, my eyes opened for me. In a hospital bed, a hospital... So then what happened last night? Was it serious? The room was dimly light; there was a nurse to the left of me. The curtains were closed over the windows; it was a depressing room.
There stood Jason on my right, caring as ever for me, waiting for me to wake. “You’re awake at last.” He said sweetly, looking into my eyes, which now probably had faded in color.
I smiled at him, “what happened?” I asked, trying to sit up. He stopped me. “Something went wrong with the electronics. The doctors say you were electrocuted, but I doubt that, nothing could have shocked you.” His words and their explanations confused me. “I did feel shocks running up my body be for I blacked out...oh my goodness, how was the concert!?” I nearly screamed, now I remember.
I was singing, and I felt like I was being shocked, and then...I fell. How could I have let this happen? It was my one, great and glorious night! This must be in news every where... “Calm down now, it’s all fine. We rescheduled the concert for next week, you should be better by then.” Jason said, reassuring me well.
I sighed, “how did this happen?” I asked him, as he tried to walk away. He turned back, realizing I didn’t want him to go, “I don’t know, I told you that. You don’t want me to leave, do you? Heh, you’ll be getting out of here in an hour or so, don’t worry. I’ll wait for you in your room…” he reassured me; but he walked off anyways.
I didn’t want to be here; in the hospital...I don’t like them. They have a depressing feeling, especially when you are lying in the sick bed. The nurse walked by and looked at me, “You wanna leave with your boyfriend, or do you think you need to wait?” she said stiffly. She seemed like the type who hated her job, she didn’t look all too happy ether. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I said, I could hear my voice all wrong, no ring to it, no joy, “and...I’ll wait.”
I don’t want to be stuck in this dark cold room! I want to leave; but I know I shouldn’t really, I probably should wait...my soul, my want to burn its flame again, but my body is probably weak. The nurse left as I fluffed my pillow to lie on. “That was so odd...how could I have been shocked...there were no electronics there but the synthesizers Jason uses...” I thought aloud.
It really was an odd predicament, how could I have been shocked in such a safe place? I sighed; I’m really thinking too far into this, aren’t I? My head hurts, I should sleep some more, and think about this when I leave. I closed my eyes, I closed my mind. I felt my thoughts fading away...
I wake, my eyes blurry and the room quite. Yet I could hear the heart rate machine buzzing. “Can I leave yet?” I said aloud, smiling happy again. I wonder...how do I leave this place? Do I just get up and walk out? I’ve never been in a hospital before...at least not for myself. Should I just get up; go? Oh, forget it...I should just...I should just get up and leave, it shouldn’t matter.
I sat up, and pulled the bed sheets off. Oddly enough, I was still wearing my marvelous dress. I hope none of it is ruined...I would dearly love to wear it again some time...It is such a beautiful dress, and I made it myself, making it all the better to keep. I got out of the bed, and walked to the door. My legs feel stiff...I must have been lying in that bed for hours. I opened the door, and there stood the nurse.
“Oh hello, May I leave now?” I said, hopefully in a kind tone. “Yes, you may go” she said, pushing past me to go into my room for something. I smiled, and walked down the hallway. I’m not even sure if I am going the right way...and yet I find my way to a front desk.
“Hello, may I use your phone?” I asked the receptionist. She pointed me in the direction of a pay phone. I have no money on me...I don’t think. I might as well just walk back to the apartment...but it is so cold, and in this dress? Why did Jason have to leave me here like this...?
I walked off into the elevator, down I went; and finally out side the door of the hospital. Oh, gosh, where am I? Hardly lived in New York very long, I don’t know where to go from here! I wish Jason would just come and get me...if only I could contact him some how...oh well, looks like I am walking.
I wander off down the street, cold and tired. But how could I be tired I slept nearly all day? Or did I? Ether way, I slept a lot... This dress is so thin, and New York is so cold! I’m surprised it hasn’t snowed this far into the season of winter! Turn the corner, walk across the street, and turn more corners. Oh, I’m lost! This is so hopeless...
But look over there! The Park and hall theater! I’m saved, ha ha! I can get home from here, can’t I!? Why didn’t I see the theater before? Stupid blurry eyes...why don’t I just wear my contacts for once? I walked a bit more, happily drifting towards the apartment. “So happy now...” I spoke, to the entire world; but my poor voice...it still sounds so...dull, and unpleasant. I can’t sing with this sound stuck in my voice! Let’s just hope it fixes before the next concert.
I walked inside the apartment main hall. It wasn’t oh-so-beautiful as the Theater hall was; but I live here, what more can I do? I went to the elevator; level 4 and I stepped out. I could feel myself wanting to run down the hallway like a little child, just glad to be back at my new home. But I’m sure I would rip my grand dress to shreds by doing that...So I’ll just walk passively. And finally at grand last to my door; door 49, such a great number! I knocked, I had no key on me, and I was sure that Jason would be on the inside awaiting me as he had said.
“Yes, hello?” He said, and then was surprised to see me, at the door. He pulled me in, “what are you doing? You should have called me! Did you walk here?” he asked. I bustled for words, trying to think of what to say first. I sat down on my bed, “well...uh...I’m here because I live here, I had no money to call you, and yes I walked. You did say you would meet me here…” I said simply, empty for anything else.
He sighed, “You shouldn’t do things like that, in such a condition...and your voice? It sounds-” I broke into his words, “bad...I know. Something is wrong with it for now. We’ll have to wait and hope it gets better” I said, coughing afterwards. He twitched a bit, “If you caught a cold in that dress out there, and you can’t perform next week, I’m not taking the heat for missing that showing!” he began pulling the covers off my bed and rapping me in them.
“Stop, stop, I’m fine, really” I said, pushing some off. “Just cold and tired...” I said, rapping myself more comfortably in blankets, and lying down. “Then you sleep well, Annette, I’ll be by tomorrow to check on you...” he said, as I heard him leave. Sleep...I feel my voice needs it.
I wake, but only in my mind. I lay in my bed for a few minutes, as usual, just to think. Even so, my mind feels blank. I don’t want to get up, roll over and begin my day. I don’t want to get up, leave, and walk around. Do the things daily done. Not today…but I have to, wouldn’t you say? If I don’t, who’s to say the rest of the world will get up without me? I should get up, just to be up, just to see the sun rise over the cityscape.
I sit up, finally my body responds to my mind. I stretch, I still hurt…Lie back down, just to look at the clock and see it’s eleven in the morning. I really should have gotten up by now. Although I guess I deserve the rest. Sit up, once again, and leave the bed.
I walk to the kitchen; it’s such a small kitchen. Prepare my coffee, and wait for it to make. I sit at my little dinning room table, sitting in the kitchen, right where it shouldn’t be. Its round, old, the paint is crusting off it already. An ugly shade of yellow too, with blue flowers over it; but, I love this table, it holds memories, and why buy a new one when this one works just as fine?
I look at the paint on the table, but I can hardly see. My eyes blurry still, just like yesterday. And there’s a knock at the door, I get up, and flow to the door. Open, and there Jason stands. “I called, you didn’t pick up your phone” he said, passing by me to come in. I rubbed my eyes, and walked back to the kitchen. “I was asleep…” I mumbled out, my voice, still as long as it was, felt muffled inside.
“Sleeping, still? That’s not like you at all. You are usually up before me, eh?” he said, laughing at me still wearing the dress from two nights ago. I sat down again, still waiting for the coffee, “You came by to check, just like you promised” I said, smiling at him, nothing really coming to mind to say. “Well, yeah…You’re blank aren’t you? Ha ha, your mind still isn’t fresh yet…”
I smiled, still groggy from sleeping, “yes, true. I’m still sleepy, I just woke up a few minutes ago you know…” I said, getting up. Finally my coffee was done. I walked to it, and poured a cup, “Would you like some?” I asked, not caring to turn around and ask him, which a kind person would do.
“No, I don’t know how you can even drink that stuff, it tastes so gross.” he said, as I walked back and sat down, “come on, sit down and talk with me?” I said, looking up at him brightly. He seemed to be in such a shell since I was admitted to the hospital after the concert fiasco. “Fine…” he said, sitting down next to me. I slowly took a sip of my coffee, warm, just right, the perfect taste. “You didn’t even put any sugar in that…did you?” He said, staring at me oddly, but I just laughed.
“Now what’s wrong?” I said, feeling awake more just in these few minutes. He sighed, and began to talk, “You’re taking this whole ‘electrocution thing’ too easily in my opinion…you could have died…and your acting like it was a simple nothing.” he said, looking at my hands sitting nicely around my coffee mug.
“Well…” I began, trying to think of what would best work after the word ‘well’ for something like this, “I don’t know…I just never really took it as much…It seems not to be bothering me…” I said plainly, looking at his eyes, still on my blue and red speckled mug. “Well, you know, I just think you’re taking this too easily. You’re like a sister to me, and I have no other sisters. You die, and it’s like I’m dead.” He said, getting up and walking out of the kitchen.
He leaned back for a moment, “Just be more careful from now on…” and he walked off. I heard the door close, and feet walk by on the other side of the wall. “He cares too much for me, I’m really fine…” I said to myself, getting up to wash out my mug. I usually only had one cup of coffee, but my body felt like having more. As I poured another glass, I thought hard. Was what happened really normal? Should something like that happen? Was it something I did, or something unnatural? These questions where a bit hasty, I couldn’t answer them my self.
I jumped back, screaming in pain. In all my focus, I had poured the still steaming hot coffee all too much into the mug, and it leaked onto my hand. I rushed to the sink, and ran it under icy cold water. It swelled red, and stung. How stupid of me, not paying attention like that. It hurt so bad, and swelled even more, “how can I do such a thing like that to myself?” I said, realizing I wasn’t talking about just my hand.
I shut off the water, and let the burn rest. “It wasn’t really me that did it…was it?” I said, confusing my self just with these words. “I felt energy from the microphone…and something did sound wrong to me…was it my voice? Or…” I spoke again, still with no understanding of the event. And then finally I decided on something. Has this ever happened before me? What the perfect thing to ask! Was it really just me whom passed out like such? It was the greatest thing to figure out…
I decided not to have any more coffee, although my body was still disagreeing, and I ran off to change. I put my dress neatly on a hanger, and placed it back. I hope it stays in such a great condition…I put on my simple clothes, A white shirt, and a skirt to the ankles, a sky blue. I walked out of my closet, feeling a bit more awake now that I had gotten ready for the day; and to think I didn’t even want to wake up only 20 minutes ago?
I stepped to my door, and remembered to get my keys. I walked to my bed, and there on the side table they were. And my red coat, setting on the chair next to my bed…ha, Jason must have brought it home for me. I took it with me, and put it on. It fits me so comfortably. I returned to my door, glad that I hadn’t forgotten all these things that I surly need.
I left, just as quick. My mind was still racing, it seems I’ve came up with the one good thing to ask; but really where could I go to ask these things? I left the building, outside on the cold foggy streets. I walked down the sidewalks, wondering how long it would really take me to get to the library. Not to long, I suppose, as it was only down the street by two blocks. And just as I had thought, I was there in no time.
I step inside; the library had an ancient Greek look to it, pillars, and columns and things just fitting like that. Strait to the computers I went, and searching on the internet. Pages and pages I found of useful information, but none of them put great note on my predicament. Finally! A page stating the tragic electrocution of a music star; just as the same, no electronics around and able to shock the individual and it was Techno music as well. How much more similar could I get? Although I doubt I could convince any one with it…
None the less, I left with my printed pages, too excited to look for any more. I walked back to my apartment, reading through the papers again and again, trying to find clues, hints, about anything. Was this becoming a question of ‘what really happened’; or a hobby? I seem to dig for the answers, yet I find hardly anything…Enter through the apartment’s double doors.
I run up to my room, still flipping through the 8 pages furiously. I figure I should call Jason, he may not understand, but isn’t it best for him to know about this all? At my door, I quickly push the key in, and turn the door knob. As if I had great news to shout at the world, I run in and throw off my coat, leaving the papers at my table, and run to my phone at the side of my bed.
I stared at it for a minute or two…The phone at my ear, with the dial tone ringing, and no numbers being pressed. It was like my mind just stopped for a moment, but I wasn’t really sure why…Finally I snapped back and dialed Jason’s number. He was only down the hallway…but I don’t know, I prefer to call him on the phone. It rang 3 times, and then I hung up. Why does he never pick up the phone when he knows I’m the only one who calls him?
I got up, and grabbed my papers. I left my coat though, as he was, like I said, only down the hallway. I locked my door, and walked down. He was in room 63, 14 rooms down from mine, but on the same side. I knock on his door, and waited. My leg is twitching a little, I’m so nervous about this whole thing…Finally; I hear something on the other side. “Hold on…” I hear him say. I’m laughing at him; Jason thinks it’s not me, doesn’t he?
“Hello?” He says, opening the door. He just stared at me, a little funny, after that. “I have something to tell you…” I say, and was it just me, or was my voice returning to its harmony? He steps aside, and I come in. “You shouldn’t be running around so much…I don’t think It’s good for you…” was all he said, as I walked past him. I looked at his room. It was a little bit dirtier then mine…Well, a lot dirtier.
I laughed, he had things every where, the only thing I could see visibly was his Synthesizers “You always worry…” I say, walking in some more, and looking for some place to sit. Was there really no where? I’m sure he could find some place… But instead he just came in and stood by me, “Yes, Yes, I know I do…now, what is it that you have to show to me?” He stared at me, probably wondering why I wasn’t wearing my coat.
I handed him the papers, as he flipped through, read the highlighted place I had left, and ended with a questioning face on. “What…is this supposed to mean? You really think it was the music that did this too you? You’re joking…right?” was all he said. I looked at him funny, “You were the one who first questioned ‘why’ and now it just caught to me. Is that all too bad?” I may not have answered his question, but I’m not even sure if I do believe that it was the music… “Well…yes, that’s true. But this makes no sense, how could the electronics we fused your voice with affect you in any way?” he asked another question. Why do we keep asking questions, if all we want are answers?
“It’s the sonic waves…I don’t know, something like that. It’s really confusing I know, but what other explanation do we have to go by?” I replied as I wondered what to say next, “look, you keep those, read over them. You decide what to believe when next week comes around, ok?” I finished with. He’s bound to come up with some conclusion by then, shouldn’t he?
“Well…actually…about that…” I turned back to him, what was it he had to say? I nearly left too… “Yes?” I said, a bit fuzzy on what he could really need to tell me about all this, “On that rescheduling…It’s for this Wednesday…” he said. I just stood for a moment. Its Monday…I only have a day and a half to prepare for not only the concert, but what to deal with this? I looked at him sharply, “really? Well…then tell me what you think on Wednesday…” I said, as walked to the door and left.
I was sure he said the concert was next week…why would he lie? He’s trying too hard to comfort me with this lie…He should have just told me, now I have to prepare…Oh well, not like this hasn’t happened before? I laugh at that… ‘This hasn’t happened before’. I walk down the hallway, back into my room.
I walk in to my kitchen, I had left the coffee cooker on…how could I? This is about the 3rd thing that I’ve done on accident. What is this all about? First I collapse at my first live showing, although that wasn’t totally my fault (was it?). Then I loose attention and burn my hand. I look at the burn oddly, it’s still red…And then this, I leave this coffee cooker on. I could have burned down the complex.
I shut it off, and washed out the coffee pot I had left sitting on my counter. I should finish this up, and get ready. Prep my voice; think over these matters, anything for the good of the music. No matter what I do though, I’m sure the thought that it was the music that did this to me, will linger in the back of my mind.
Music Sirens of Terror
I sit at the Park and Hall Theater. I’m sitting inside, for a change. Those days went by so fast…And I’m still not sure what there is to think. It’s raining outside, so I have to sit inside. I came here early this time; figure I would jump the show and practice. But I’m a bit too nervous for that…I’m still thinking about what happened, and if something will happen again. Jason reassured me yesterday that everything will be fine; we’ll make sure everything is set up safe. I trust him; I just don’t trust this whole event.
I should get more ready, I haven’t even changed. I’m not even sure if I will change, I have nothing fancy to wear, and I’ve decided to leave my ‘perfection dress’ at home in my closet. I’m just wearing a rainbow dress, a sun dress. I may just sing in this, it won’t matter what I wear really. It’s everyone from the last event. They’ll be glad to see that I’m fine once again.
I get up from my seat on the inside steps, and walk to the back. Jason isn’t here yet…what could he be doing? I continue to the back, and walk up to the stage. I look at the empty seats up high, and the sort of mosh pit closer to the stage. I stared at the microphone in front of me. Is this really all that dangerous? This place seems so quite with no one in here, I think I can hear wind blowing through even. There’s a half an hour till the showing…Jason isn’t here, the crowd must be outside, they should have there tickets refunded. But why aren’t they in here yet? It must be too early…
What am I supposed to do? I really should practice my singing; since I was too busy thinking yesterday to…should I just sing in here? That sounds fine to me…It will be fun anyhow. I start singing, just random words, choruses from my favorite songs, anything. My voice is so loud, even without the microphone being on. I feel just so much happier singing here…
But I stopped quickly, something happened behind me…I went to look at it, seems one of the speakers had blown out. I heard it too…Why do these things keep happening? I stared at it oddly. Something is funny about all these things happening. I guess it’s my job to find out, hm? I laugh at me just saying this, I’ve never been so interested in things like this, and I was never involved in such mysteries…But I guess this is just the things that come to one when they don’t ask, hm?
I pull off the case of the speaker, might as well look inside. It seems normal enough; I guess Jason’s assumption of it being a prank wouldn’t exist…Not that I believed it any ways. Why would it be? What kind of juvenile would want to nearly kill some one? A bored one…ha ha, this is so funny the things I keep thinking. I put the cover back on, and go to sit at the edge of the stage. What better place to wait for the crowd?
I look out at the end of the theater. I see some one, but my eyes have been horrible lately, I can’t see a thing. I can’t even tell who the person is. “Hey, why are you here now?” the person said. I recognized the voice, its Jason at last. “I felt like coming early!” I shouted back at him, and he thought this theater was little. He walked down the aisles and came to the edge of the stage, and looked up at me funny. “Is that what you’re going to wear?”
I laughed at his silly questions, “Yeah…maybe, I like this dress, and I don’t want to wear any other…” I said plainly, saving my voice for singing. He laughed at me, “It’s a funny looking dress, but it fits you. So what are you doing up there?” I laughed back at him, “I was just singing.” He smiled at my answer, “So your voice is back I assume?” He said, why does he keep asking me things like this?
I laughed again, “Yes, it is, want to hear something?” I asked him, standing up, and leaning down towards him. “No, but thank you, we have to set up for the showing, it’s starting in 15 minutes” he said, walking around to the stage.
“Already,” I asked walking over to him setting up his equipment, “do you need any help?” he looked at me and laughed, “You ask me that every time, but you know that I never do.” I backed up a little, and laughed as well, “It’s called kindness…” I said, turning around. Some people were coming in, “look! It’s Annette, she’s alright! Hey, Annette can I have your autograph?” I heard some one coming in yell. I jumped off the stage, carefully, and walked over to them.
“Of course, how could I refuse?” I said to them, as I signed there shirts, hats and other things the people kept handing me. Eventfully more and more people kept coming in, surprised to see me. Did they think I had died? “Hey, ‘nnette, come back up here, we need to talk before we start off.” spoke up Jason, as I walked back up onto the stage.
“Yes, what is it we have to say?” I asked him, surprise we even needed to talk about any thing, “Now you’re going to be careful, right? I’ve got everything away from the microphone, or at least not too close, and the cords safely placed. Everything should go great.” he said to me. I stared at him. “Yeah, I’m going to be safe, do not worry.” I said, walking off to the microphone. “Time to start?” I asked him, as he nodded, and we began the concert again.
I’m singing great tonight, the first few songs everyone was screaming with. For once everything was going great. I didn’t have to think whether or not something is going to happen again. But still I could hear my mind in the back questioning why that speaker blew out, or what ever it did, when I wasn’t even using the techs with it.
On to the fourth song, I love this song. I continue to sing, and here comes the high note! Hold it…I have to keep this note up there. Wait! What is that? I finally open my eyes up on this note and someone collapses in the crowd, “Oh my gosh, martin!” I hear the person in the crowd scream next to the man who fell. The music cuts, obviously Jason stopped it, and I stop my singing. People are screaming, the crowds running every where, and the man on the ground is going to get trampled out there! Normally something like this would be taken lightly at a concert, but after what happened last time the crowd must be just as nervous as I am!
I stare back at Jason, and scream over the rest, “What happened?” He gives me a worried stare, and raises his shoulders in an unknowing way. I jump off the stage, and run into the crowd, “Stop; stop, everyone just calm down!” I scream at them all, but no one stops, how rude. I run over to the girl who was screaming at first, it was her boyfriend who collapsed. She stared at me in concern, “He just fell over suddenly, and he was holding his ears!” she screamed up at me. I bent down and looked at the man, “hold on!” I say to her, as I turn and look at the stage, “Jason! Come here and carry him to the back of the stage!” I scream at Jason, as he jumps off the stage and picks him up. He runs off to the back, obviously too frustrated to say another word.
“Come on, follow me!” I say to the girl, as I pull her to the back of the theater. I lead her back stage, everything still too loud to talk. At last, I reach my dressing room with the girl, Jason and her boyfriend waiting inside for us. I close the door, and it seems to turn down some of the chaos. The woman runs to her boyfriend, as I look at Jason just as worried, “What happened? One person passes out and the crowd goes mad!” I say, surprised by my reaction. “I don’t know what it was…but something is wrong with all of this, we should call the police to calm them down…and an ambulance for him” Jason replied, looking at the poor teenager in tears.
“Yeah…” I say, walking over to the phone on the wall. I dial nine-one-one, my hand shaking in terror. This is horrible, how can I let this happen? Why is this even happening! Some one on the other end picks up the phone, “hello, 991” they say to me, “Hello, I’m at the ‘Park and Hall theater’ I need an ambulance for some people and could you send the police…there’s a sort of mob in here” my voice is shaky, I think I might just faint in this stress…
“Yes, yes we’re sending one out right now” the woman replies to me. But I’ve dropped the phone now…I’ve hit the ground, no…I didn’t. Jason caught me. “Come on, stand back up you’re not going to freak out on me just because of this” He says, holding me back up. “Thanks” I say, smiling at him, as I feel my eyes closing.
“No! Wake back up, Annette; you are not going to pass out now! You have to stay awake to figure out why all of this is happening you know!” he screams at me, and I hear him. He pulls me back up to me feet, and I try to stand, and open my eyes again. I fall over a bit, but he catches me once more. “It’s just stressing…” I say, as he hangs up the phone for me. “Come sit down…just take a breather” he says, walking me over to the other chair.
I sit down, and breathe in, “why is this happening to me? All I wanted to do was be a singer and…” I start babbling my life dreams to him, just wishing this will go away. No one has died, why am I so panicky? Or has some one died yet, and only my mind knows, but I really don’t? Oh this is so confusing! “Wake up!” Jason screams at me, and I finally stop thinking to clear my mind. “This isn’t your fault…just calm down” Jason says to me again. My mind seems to be stuck between emptiness and the cruel reality I’m living through.
“Um…Jason, yes, that’s your name?” I hear the young woman say. She looks only 16. “Yes, that’s it.” he replies. “I think…I think he’s dead…” she says, crying even more. “Come now, he can’t be…” Jason replies. I open my eyes. My mind may not be responding to what is going on, but I can still hear it. Jason is checking his pulse…oh, no…this can’t be…please, no, not now. Not ever again…This man really can’t be dead…
“His pulse…there’s nothing there…” I hear Jason whisper, as the teenager screams out in horror. And I’m trapped hear in my mind! Wake up! I feel myself crying, and I hear sirens outside. How can I let this happen? How could everything just collapse like it is now…? “I’m sorry young miss…I’m sorry about your boyfriend, I’m sorry about all of this…I’m just so sor-” Jason breaks through my words, is it just me or is he crying as well?
“Stop saying that! You didn’t do any of this! You didn’t kill him!” he screams, choking back his tears. He is crying…This is just too much for every one. Is anyone else dead? Will I end up dieing from this? Is this really where everything is going to stop? My mind hurts…I should, I should stop thinking, and I should just...
Upshot Mind Games
“Everything just happened so fast, and every one left, and then Jason, I, and Trecy all ran to the back and…” I began, as I sat outside of the theater being interviewed by a police man. I’m still so confused. Trecy’s boyfriend died, I nearly went into shock just from the whole event. I should thank Jason; he pulled me through the terror. “It’s alright, ma’am, you don’t need to feel responsible, it’s none of your fault” the police officer reassured me, but I’m sure it was exactly the same thing that happened to me. The same thing that those papers had explained to me…you know, now that I think of it, Jason never told me his thoughts on the whole thing.
The police officer nearly walked off, “excuse me!” I call after him; I have to ask him… “Yes?” he replies, turning back, “how many people…how many people are injured?” I hesitated; did I really want to know the answer to this horrid question? He looked at me meaningfully, “2 people died…1 other passed out, may be in a comma. A few got miner scratches from the crowed running out…” he said, my ears burned.
He walked off, and I felt my heart sink to a lowest low. ‘I killed them’ was the thought that kept coming back to me. I could hear Trecy screaming and crying just a few feet away. I feel so horrible, not only was that her boyfriend, but her fiancé; and so young, only 23. Jason was over comforting some members of the crowd, this is a horrifying night for us all. And now here he comes to comfort me.
“Are you alright?” He asks, sitting down next to me. “No…I’m not, not at all. 2 people died tonight because of me and-” again he stops me, “Stop saying that, stop it right now! You didn’t kill any one, this isn’t your fault!” he said, obviously he cares too much for me to let my emotions kill me. “Then what happened? How did Martin end up dead tonight? How did all of this happen?” I asked him, beginning to cry once more.
He holds me, his arm around me, “You are like my sister, and I can’t lie to you. I don’t know how any of this happened, but I know it wasn’t your fault. And even if it is, I’m not going to let you believe that.” he said, hugging me tighter. I cry some more, but finally stop. “I just can’t explain any of this…It doesn’t make any sense, none of it does…but…thank you…you really saved me back there, I thought I was going to go insane” I laughed, but he didn’t. He is defiantly not going to shake this whole thing off as easily as the last one.
“You shouldn’t say things like that, you know? They aren’t good for your subconscious” was all he replied with. I sniffed; my noise was runny from all these tears leaving my eyes dry. “My subconscious already understands everything…” I whispered, mostly to myself, rather then to him. Everything was ruining my mind. First I get electrocuted, or what ever had happened. Then I become convinced it was the music all along. And then nearly 3 people die from this same growing.
A horrible thing to happen, this horrible thing has happened. What can go wrong, will go wrong; will happen. Murphy’s Law, I believe it is called by. But why must it work with this? Why does all of this have to happen? Jason had walked off, and left me sitting here, with my tears gathering on the ground. This is my entire fault, I did this. I know I did, the papers, the science of it, it proves it. But what can I do about it? No one will believe…
“A-Annette?” said Trecy, sitting down next to me. I smiled, and looked at her, “You know, I’m so sorry this happened, it is” I began, but she started talking instead. “No, no, you shouldn’t be…You didn’t do this on purpose, even if you did do what ever it was that happened. I just wanted to say…thank you for helping me, and for stopping to help.” I smiled again, and looked her in the eyes. So young, so pretty, she doesn’t deserve to know the feeling of death in her heart. But then again, I am only a year older then her.
“That is alright, it is in my own kindness.” I replied, wondering if I should leave this hell by itself. “No, you could have left without me, and left me and Martin there. But you didn’t, thank you” She said again, seeming to have hope in her heart that what happened tonight wasn’t a matter. “Just so much happened, so much has happened in only…5 days.” I said to her, my eyes swelling with tears again.
I stood up, “I should go, I need to sleep…I don’t know how one could sleep after this, but I know I should sleep.” I say, then turning to her, “I’m sorry about Martin, and I’m sorry the concert couldn’t have been better, but I really need to go now.” I walk down the steps outside the theater, and down the street.
The side walk is cold, it’s all cold. I just had to leave my coat at home, all because it was only warmer today then usual. Then it rained, and then it snowed, and then the world froze over. That’s what it feels like outside. That’s what I feel like inside. I had hopes of being so famous. Jason and I had the great dream, with my voice, and his understanding of electronics, we could be the best out there. But because of…this it’s all dead. Deader then my optimism is. I’m such a ‘happy-go-lucky’ person, but now…I’m not sure whether to just leave my life as is and slowly decay, or to try and fix the broken glass.
Ether way, what ever I choose, that will be the way I go…I still hurt from all the night’s chaos. Nearly 3 dead…the crowd scared of me most likely…everything is horrible…
Cream in Coffee
I wake. My eyes are dry, and they sting. I cried nearly all night, until at least I passed into sleep. My mind still hurts just as much. My unbelieving eyes don’t comprehend what really happened. Stuck in the middle, I’m trying to understand what went wrong with my great dream. I have never done a cruel thing to a person, never cursed this world. What have I done for such things to happen?
I sit up in my bed, my head is still spinning, and playing tricks on me is it? I’m still so confused from it all… And what am I left with but the image of Trecy laying over her dead fiancés body in my dressing room. It’s horrible…and to think, I blame all myself. Jason is assured that, oh no, this wasn’t me, this was some unknown force. It’s not unknown to me. It’s a force—but surely it is known.
I look to my window, the shades are closed. My room is still dark, but my clock reads 12 strait up. Should I leave my post here and continue with life? I’m surprised I wasn’t haunted with dreams of the cursed events. I sit up a bit more, I was slouching. I push the covers fully off of me, and just stair out at my blank walls. I feel dead inside, so much confusion…but I know I’m alive, and I know I still breathe through these lungs of mine.
Then why do I feel this way? I stand up, and walk out of my bedroom. I had got home, too devastated to eat, to empty to change. I slept in my rainbow colored dress; I dropped everything on my entering last night. I didn’t even want to give myself time to think over what happened. But now I have to think about it all, or else nothing will come of it now will it?
I start the coffee up again, and sit waiting for it to boil just right. I think, desperate for answers, about everything and anything that could have caused this whole life of mine to crash in these five days. I really don’t have the mind to think right now, being as I realize the explanation. Jason still disbelieves it, says it couldn’t be. I guess we never will know?
I get up, the coffee ready. I pour it, careful for once, and paying attention. The burn on my hand still stings now and then; I guess it’s a remembrance. I sit back down, at my old table, and sip the cinnamon flavored coffee slowly, cautious not to burn the back of my throat. What will happen today? Will I ever perform again? Does New York fear Jason and me for these things? Am I just thinking too much? I keep asking questions like that…but nothing ever comes of it. Can’t I just stop asking and let it be, of coarse not.
I hear a knock at my door. I know it’s not Jason, he wouldn’t bother me today, I can just tell he wouldn’t come now, he as much as I have thinking to do. “Who is it?” I simply, not even bothering to go open it, most likely it is the Press. But upon receiving no word back, what better to do then get up? I walk to my door, still with my coffee mug in hand. “Who is it?” I say again, waiting.
This is tiring, no one is talking. I open the door, and there stands a man, with a recorder. “Yes, hello?” I say, not really understanding why he came to my door. “I’m here for the-” I close the door on him. Just as thought, the press. How rude, and furthermore, how do they know I live here?
I sit back down at my table, and finish my coffee, not responding to the knocks on my door. Seems people are gathering to talk with me, what ever would they care to ask? “What happened last night?” I could hear them saying; and what would I answer with then “I don’t know” foolish of them to even come bother me…
I finish my coffee, looking at the cavern at the bottom of my mug. It’s just an empty cavern with a stain. My mind seems to fade off too often since Saturday’s occurring. I get up and wash out my glass, not caring to have any more. These knocks at my door are pounding at my head…I should really go and yell at them.
So, I continue back to my door, and open it, looking at not a crowd of the media, but a different thing to that at all. It was some one else, not the same man I had shut the door on before. “What do you need?” I say to him, obviously he has a reason for staying at my door so long. “You are Annette Escefay, aren’t you?” I looked at him oddly as he said that. Most people never referred to me by both first and last name. I was always Annette, Jason’s friend.
“Yes, that is I…What do you need?” I say again, this must be something important if I’m being called by full name. “My employer requests for you to come and sing at his party. A rich man my employer, he will pay you well, he just wants you to come and sing tomorrow night” the man says, passing me his business card. I stare at him strangely. Does he not know what has happened over the past week? “Both Jason and me I assume?” I respond with.
If he wants me to perform, why come to me? Jason is the one who sets all of these things up. “Why, of course, both of you he is requesting for.” The man replies, nodding. This man talks funny, too business like. “Ok, then, when is it?” I say, still amazed that he is unknowing of the past events.
“Tomorrow night, 8pm to 1am. Could you come at 7?” the man says. The times are great, I have a day and a half to contemplate things and then I can sing again! “I agree, Jason and I will show up at 7…but where?” this man is leaving so many things out so often. “It’s on that card. Now, I must be going, I shall see you tomorrow?” He says, as I nod and he walks off.
I close my door, and return inside, staring at the card. “We are to go to this mans house?” I say, questioning the address. “Ether way, this should be enjoyable…” I say to myself, preparing to call Jason and inform him of our new task at hand.
I pick up the phone, and call him. For a change he answers, “Hello?” he says, his voice sounds stale. “Hi, Jason, this is Annette, I just got offered a privet party invite. We are to perform at this mans party, alright with you?” I say, all in one big gasp. I don’t want Jason to refuse…as much as I feel I should never sing again, how can I let this down?
“Annette…are you sure you want to sing again?” I laugh at his response, “Of coarse, or else I wouldn’t have called you. Now, it’s at this home tomorrow, from 8 to 1 at night. Will you be coming?” I ask him, trying to cram everything in. I would hate for him to say no.
“If you think you feel ready to, then so am I.” he says, as I hear a click, and a dead dial tone. He hung up? I put the phone back in question. Did he really just hang up on me? Ether way, he said yes…and that’s really all that matters, is it not?
My mind hurts, I can not think. Issues swirl in and out of it like cream in coffee, yet I sit, and I know what I must. I must sing tomorrow night, give it all my heart, and give it all my life’s dream. Tomorrow may just save my bad luck and bring me back up to the optimist I once was.
Sing For the World
I don’t feel ready for this. Yesterday faded away like nothing; and all I did was sit around my room, practicing, dancing, and trying on more of my dresses. I never even left the Apartment complex. Yet, here I am, waiting for Jason to take my to the party, so I can sing.
Everything seems to slip away lately, just disappear. The days go by fast, and only the things that matter happen slowly. My memories are filled with so much: the great ‘singing feeling’ I get from just singing words and names, and the tragic night Wednesday. I even cried last night again, poor, poor Trecy.
We don’t know where we are going to, we only have the address. If we are lucky, we won’t get lost. Couldn’t that man have given us better instruction? “Come on Jason, hurry up, he wanted us there at 7!” I say to him, he was still trying to fit into the old tux-and-tie of his. I told him he shouldn’t wear it, he didn’t need to; but he thought since I got to wear my nice silk gown, he should look nice as well, such a stupid reason to look nice.
“I’m ready…finally” he said, stepping out of his closet, and nearly tripping. I stood up and looked at him, laughing, and saying “It hardly fits you…why do you even have this? It’s something you yourself wouldn’t know where to buy.” He looked at me funny, “Believe it or not my father is a business man, to him if I didn’t have a tux I wasn’t worthy.” was all he said back.
“Worthy of what,” I cooed back, still giggling, “showing that you gained wait?” he stared at me, “you’re so pretty in the dress you know…” I laughed at him. “So I’m not pretty in any other dress? Now come on, we don’t know where we are going and we’re already late.” I say, pulling him out of his room by the arm.
We walk, casually yet fast, down the hallway. I could tell I wasn’t the only one excited about this event, Jason kept smiling. I picked a grand dress to wear; like I said cream white silk. It was expensive, but my mother had bought it for me years ago. I’m surprised I still fit in it.
The top a marvel and the skirt flowing out into a round sort of cup shape. It looked a little funny, like a puffy wedding dress, but I think it’s just right for the occasion. I had called the man, and ask what kind of party it was. “A masquerade ball” he told me. That must be the only reason why Jason actually pulled out that old tux. I think it fits him, even if it doesn’t fit in size. The paint legs are much too short.
We wait in the elevator, and I look at the mirrors on the inside. “So, do you even know where we are going?” Jason asks me, obviously a bit hesitant about the location, “Nope, I have absolutely no idea where it is,” I say, pulling out the card, “But we have the address.” He smiled at me, he seemed a bit more relaxed then he was Wednesday.
It’s now Friday. Nearly one week from the beginning of all this tragedy. Maybe tonight will end it all? Who really knows, tonight may just bring us back to where we want to be. I think it might, and this feeling makes me happy. I get to go, be some where new again, and just sing. Sing all I want… “So then you don’t know where we are going?” Jason beamed as we walked out of the elevator, and to the street.
“Well…yes, you are right, I have absolutely no clue where as we are to go; but you figure some one is bound to know where this place is…A cab driver maybe.” I guessed. I myself, I have never ridden in a cab. I walked everywhere if at all possible. He laughed at me, as I smiled some more. He flagged the taxi, and we stepped into the little yellow car. He handed the man the card, “Do you know where this is?” he said to the cab driver, as he nodded. I sat in, and closed the door, as we drove off.
“We’re on our way now…You are sure about this?” Jason asked me again, it would be the third time, twice yesterday. “Yes, yes, I even have a new song I want to sing.” I replied, going to pull out the small paper to show him; but he pushed the paper back, “keep it a secret, what ever it is, I’m sure it’s good.” He said, smiling at me some more. I laughed, “If you really think so…” I spoke, placing the paper back in my purse.
The car ride was short, the Residence must have been in walking distance of the Apartments; but how could we have known? I stepped out, followed by Jason, and then he paid the driver, and we walked to the door. “If they ask, it was your fault we’re late…” I hissed, still a bit angry for making us come a half an hour after they wanted us to be here. He laughed, as we knocked on the door.
It opened, and a tall man stood, leading us in, “What did you say this was, a fancy party; why us?” Jason leaned in and whispered to me. I laughed, “Who knows.” I replied, still questioning the same thing as him. I’m letting my mind be clear though, thinking only the positive. Murphy’s Law will, hopefully, be bent here.
We walked around the place, being led to the ‘stage’ I guess. This house is huge! It is just…beautiful as well; all my thoughts of tragedy disappeared when we came into the ballroom-dining hall. It’s just amazing how much money they must have put into the place. The ceiling is up so high! I saw Jason staring at me, my eye probably filled with wonder. “You are going to enjoy this I see?” He said, laughing at my silly ways. “It does sound fun…” I replied, in a short of whisper.
A man was coming towards me, and by the way he dressed he looks like the one who had called us here. I stepped forward, and set his hand out for me. I grasped firmly, and shook, “I believe you invited us here?” I asked, giving Jason no chance of words. The man nodded, “It’s my daughters 16th birthday, and she requested that you perform for her; and just as I promised you will.” he said, laughing and glancing a bit at his daughter in the other room.
Long brunette locks of hair braided into the back, a deep gold dress she wore. I was glad just being here, it seems we’re fitting a good purpose. I nodded to him, “Now, where is the stage? So we may set up. Oh, and by the way, I’m so dearly sorry we were late!” I said, remembering to be as polite as allowed. Jason leaned towards me, “what equipment?” he whispered, as my eyes shot open. The man continued walking to show us to the stage, but I didn’t follow. I stared up at Jason, “You didn’t bring any? Not one piece?” He nodded, and I was shocked.
“Don’t fret, I’m here for you. I figure your voice its self is a marvelous being, and it may be…safer” he responded, sensing that I was worried. I guess he did think ahead, there may be no devastation tonight. “Are you coming?” the man beckoned, as I turned back to life.
“Yes, yes, sorry” I said, following after him. We entered the ballroom more; it was still surprising to me that I was in such a great place. All thoughts were centered on the greatness of it all, nothing haunted me any more. We came to the stage, a wide area, blue drapes hanging from the back. “To think, there all here for you” Jason whispered into my ear, giving me chills a bit. He was going to frustrate me so much by the end of the night.
“Now then, here is the stage, get ready, prepare, what ever you need. All of the guests will be arriving in a half an hour or so.” The man said, then leaving us with the stage. Jason smiled at me, “Get up there and sing your heart out for them all.” he said, walking me to the stairs that lead up to the stage. My smile just kept growing, my eyes were shining, and I felt happy again.
I stood in front of the microphone, and looked around the room, “it’s so big…” I said, not realizing the microphone was on, and I jumped back as my words echoed around. I laughed, staring down at Jason. He laughed too, “Good job, smart one.” He insulted. I laughed at him, as I fixed the microphone to my height.
Jason sat at one of the front tables, ‘best to see me’ he had said. I saw the young girl again, the one we were here for. She was sitting in the back of the ballroom, away from the stage. Was she asleep? Could she not tell her show was here? I decided to surprise her, if she didn’t already know, and I began singing ‘happy birthday’.
“Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear…”
I sung, till I realized I still had no idea of the girl’s name; but she had turned around and saw me. Her face seemed to light up just like mine would when I’m singing. “Oh my gosh! Annette Escefay!” She screamed, running to the stage, in total surprise. I smiled as she came, running up the stares. “Wow, you really came, you really did!” She kept saying, amazed I had come to her birthday party.
“Yes, I am here for your party. It is your birthday isn’t it? What is your name may I ask?” her eyes were large with fancy on my dress. “Yes, it’s my birthday, my names Chrissie. Oh…you are really here!” She said, hugging me. I laughed, she was so excited, and I didn’t even know I had such fame with some? I could hear Jason laughing out in the audience; this was great for every one.
“Now, you go sit down, I have to finish singing…” I whispered to the teenager as she ran off down the stares. She looked almost like Trecy, if not in her eyes. The girl sat back down, closer to the stage, and I finished my singing:
“Happy birthday dear Chrissie
Happy birthday to you”
I held the ending note, good and clear, and then cut off with a grand fade. Was Jason right? I can really hold my own with music. I had finished the short song that had made the girl scream with joy. I didn’t even know we were all that well known…no CD’s, just a few small appearances and radio broadcasts. Oh well…
We had a half an hour to wait, and since I had spent all day yesterday singing and writing, and I didn’t need to prep myself for that. Instead I spend some time talking with Chrissie, she seemed to just enjoy being around me, I guess I was her gift from her father.
“So, how old are you?” she asked me first, in a giddy sort of voice. I pulled my dress under my legs, and sat down in the chair next to her, “Well, I’m 23, but my birthday is coming up soon, so I’ll be growing just a year older.” I said laughing. “Oh, cool…why do you like to sing?” She asked next, I felt like I was being interviewed. “Well, for starters, when ever I sing I get this great bubbly feeling inside of me, like butterflies just flying right out to meet the world from your voice. I just get the best feeling from it” I answered, it was a silly answer, I know that, but it was true.
Her eyes seemed to glow the more she learned about me. She continued asking things, and I answered. Now and then Jason would break in and mutter little things, comments about my answers. The thirty minutes ended fast, as guests of the masquerade party entered, and came to greet the young birthday girl. I left her to her friends, and went and sat next to Jason. “This is really going well…” I mumbled out, a bit unsure of what I really should be saying.
He smiled at me, “you seem to be enjoying yourself…I’m still a bit worried for you. If anything, a little spark, you pass out again, some one in the crowd passes out; I’m not going to feel comfortable with you singing any more…” he said, his voice twisting with concern, “yes, I know, I’m hoping everything goes just as wished.” I reply, standing up. “More and more people are coming, I should visit the stage” I say walking up the stage’s stares.
The seats were nearly filled, and I was ready to go. I stand at the microphone, it’s perfect in height, nothing is wrong. I look at my watch, 8 strait up. I look around the room for Chrissie’s father. He was sitting down next to Chrissie, I saw him nod at me to begin the show.
“Hello, welcome every one. I’m, as some of you may already have guess, Annette Escefay and I’m hear to perform for Chrissies birthday. So, to begin, will every one sing along with me?” I said as I waited for every one to gather up, and I began singing ‘happy birthday’ again. Every one seemed to sing along, I could even make out Jason’s voice above the rest. I finished the song, every one clapped, and I bowed to them. I wasn’t sure if I was the entertainment, or just background music; but I kept singing anyways.
Everything is going great, song after song, note after note, just great. I would save my newer song for last. This party would be so long, I wonder if I really would sing for the whole thing. At the end of my fifth song, I could see Chrissies father signaling at me to stop. I looked at him oddly, was he to tell me something, or am I really finished?
He walked up to the stage, and I bent down, “hey, you are doing great. We’re going to stop the singing at 10, so keep a watch on the time” he said, and then walked back to the crowd. I glanced at my watch, its 9:15 now. I have 45 minutes to finish this up good. I should start up again. I start singing, and the time fades away.
The time did slip away fast, and I was going to sing my last song; my new song. I had written it yesterday, thinking about all the things that had happened to me. Me being in the hospital, Wednesday’s tragedy, but mostly I wrote it about singing…the way it makes me feel, and just the marvels of it. So, I began to sing it, with passion at mind:
“My mind, is darkened by dreams
My thoughts, are haunted by death
My free will, cast away into the shadows
And all for this singing feeling?
Joyous be the day I sing my soul
Happiness fills you with strength
Love flow through your words
And all from this singing feeling
You are the cream in my coffee, the current of music
It’s like the Cream in coffee
Swirling as I sing
Melt together music and voice
It’s like coffee with cream
Peacefully your voice fills the room
Sing I say!
Grand at that the room screams
Sing they cry!
Because of the singing feeling
You sigh at the end,
Your voice screams beauty
You smile at the world,
Your voice the best thing heard
Because of this great feeling
You are the cream in my coffee, the current of music
It’s like the Cream in coffee
Swirling as I sing
Melt together music and voice
It’s like coffee with …”
Oh, I sang it nearly all the way through, and just at the end I felt like my legs were going to give out. They locked, and I wanted to finish the song the way it should be, with a high sung ‘cream’; but my legs gave out at the end of ‘with’! I felt myself fall to the ground; again this world must haunt me like this! How dare it!
My head hits the hard wood of the stage, and my eyes are shut closed, tight. I moan, my head is pounding, my eyes feel like there on fire. I hear faded screaming and shouting all around me, I think I can here Jason screaming at me to get up…again. I can feel tears slipping out of my eye, my head just hurts so bad, it’s pounding like some one drove a dagger through it.
Still, I hear the faded screams, telling me everything will be alright, that I’ll wake up shortly. I’m still on the stage; I can feel the cold floor against my skin. My mind is spinning, ‘just like cream in coffee’; why does this have to happen! Everything was perfect…
My head is still pounding, and the sounds are fading even more. I can’t tell if my eyes are really closed or there open and I just can’t see anything. But the noise trails away, the pain slips out of my mind, my tears dry, and I feel myself slipping out of my own grasp. Am I really dieing now? Is this really how I’m going to…