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The old mans silver tipped cane
that he swung with a careless air
the one they got on that trip to Spain
lays on the faded velvet chair.

Now when she takes her afternoon tea
she sits on the step by the creaking stair
and the tears that run with hopeless ease
lay on the faded velvet chair.

She, fearing most the lonely nightfall
touches the cane like a silent prayer.
Her heart, thatís now unwedded and small
lays on the faded velvet chair.

The old mans silver tipped cane
lays on the faded velvet chair.

Not the poem which we have read, but that to which we return, with the greatest pleasure, possesses the power and claims the name of essential poetry.

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The following comments are for "The Old Man's Silver-tipped Cane (kyrielle sonnet)"
by Huni

Huni, this is wonderful
I really like this, could hear the melody. How warming this is on this cold night.

BTW,,,,I read you were ill with Bronchitis,,,broken rib??

My best to you dear Huni, hope you heal well, its very painful. "breath easy" tea helps lots.

Get well.

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: September 3, 2004 )

Dar, Lucie
Thanks to you both, I'm catching up as well I hope. No computer for a while. All better now Dar - thanks. Such lovely comments - thank you both. huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: September 21, 2004 )

Not sure I liked the lay on the velvet chair line as the last line for all four stanzas, but I certainly liked the "hopless ease" part.

( Posted by: Ilan Bouchard [Member] On: October 27, 2004 )

Ilan - velvet chair
Thanks for reading this and saying you like that phrase, so do I. The velvet chair part? I have since rewritten that line to appear with out the word velvet. You see it always bothered me as well. Although the rhythm is thrown I prefer it that way. Does that fix it for you as well? thanks again Ilan, huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: November 30, 2004 )

______ chair
In a way, throwing the rhyming off on the last line is kinda innovative and interesting. Sounds great, I look forward to perhaps seeing a revised copy.
The rhyming was always the most challenging part for me, but I found that as long as each line sounds good, it's ok to have regular rhymes (i.e. me and be).
One of the reasons I like sonnets is because of the abab rhyming, as opposed to aabb. Somehow it just sounds more acoustic that way, and not so nursery-rhymeish.
Good sonnet, great read.

( Posted by: Ilan Bouchard [Member] On: November 30, 2004 )

Ilan consider it done
I will redo it soon. Thanks for the input and interest. catch you, huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: November 30, 2004 )

This one is as playful as my gal jumping over puddles. I find that every line is justified.

On a minor word note,
"they got on" -bought- sounds more special than the mundane "got."

I think it is a kind of a graceful ditty Balzac would write, if he could.



( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: January 5, 2005 )

resonant repetition
Thank you for this beautiful picture, well expressed by the form, I think.

( Posted by: Poeteye [Member] On: March 18, 2011 )

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