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Welcome to my life

Hello
Have a seat
Watch my life for a while
We’re driving home tonight
He forgot; “goddamnit!”
Never used to curse in front of us
The other one is always
always
always
there
a constant annoyance and worry
They fight all the time
He runs away eventually
But always bounces back
For a while
They always do
And I’m stuck here
trapped between
dependence and a hard place
Welcome to my life, God
Look at the mess you made
Taking away the most important person
A friend
Daughter
Wife
“Mom to many”
away from everyone
And now he’s always tired and
angry and
seemingly bitter
And the other one
clings and
fights and
always comes back
And I don’t know what to do God
You took away the glue
holding the fractious family together
And I don’t know what to do God
So God- f--- you.


------
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Welcome to my life"
by SWHCgirl

Welcome Back!
Haven't heard from you in a while! Thought you had given up on us. Glad to see you have not. Now to the critisism.

As usual, i enjoyed this poem greatly. Although i don't approve of some of the ideas expressed in this poem, i most certainly can appreiciate the emotions and the reasons behind them. Keep up the good work, and just tough it out. Nothing lasts forever.

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: April 3, 2002 )

Hmm...
I can understand anger towards God, and have experienced it myself. I won't go into the subject here.
Artistically, it's a powerful expression of pain felt over loss. Good job, keep posting!

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: January 18, 2003 )

plang
you might want to reconsider the line structure, consider making some parts flow into longer lines so that the percussive shorter lines have more punch in comparison. I like the "always always always" part, there's a good sense of echo/reinforcement.
I think that the title is weak and vague. Make it more specific to the poem. I think you can cut out the first three lines and drop the reader into the poem immediately.
I was disappointed that you censored yourself at the end there, like you were afraid of what you were writing. and i would say, say "fuck you" to whoever you want, that's privalege of expression.

( Posted by: phxom [Member] On: January 19, 2003 )





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