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Welcome to my life

Have a seat
Watch my life for a while
We’re driving home tonight
He forgot; “goddamnit!”
Never used to curse in front of us
The other one is always
a constant annoyance and worry
They fight all the time
He runs away eventually
But always bounces back
For a while
They always do
And I’m stuck here
trapped between
dependence and a hard place
Welcome to my life, God
Look at the mess you made
Taking away the most important person
A friend
“Mom to many”
away from everyone
And now he’s always tired and
angry and
seemingly bitter
And the other one
clings and
fights and
always comes back
And I don’t know what to do God
You took away the glue
holding the fractious family together
And I don’t know what to do God
So God- f--- you.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

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The following comments are for "Welcome to my life"
by SWHCgirl

Welcome Back!
Haven't heard from you in a while! Thought you had given up on us. Glad to see you have not. Now to the critisism.

As usual, i enjoyed this poem greatly. Although i don't approve of some of the ideas expressed in this poem, i most certainly can appreiciate the emotions and the reasons behind them. Keep up the good work, and just tough it out. Nothing lasts forever.

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: April 3, 2002 )

I can understand anger towards God, and have experienced it myself. I won't go into the subject here.
Artistically, it's a powerful expression of pain felt over loss. Good job, keep posting!

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: January 18, 2003 )

you might want to reconsider the line structure, consider making some parts flow into longer lines so that the percussive shorter lines have more punch in comparison. I like the "always always always" part, there's a good sense of echo/reinforcement.
I think that the title is weak and vague. Make it more specific to the poem. I think you can cut out the first three lines and drop the reader into the poem immediately.
I was disappointed that you censored yourself at the end there, like you were afraid of what you were writing. and i would say, say "fuck you" to whoever you want, that's privalege of expression.

( Posted by: phxom [Member] On: January 19, 2003 )

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