Stained-Glass Face
by the Co.konspirator (Member) - published: August 23, 2004
Word Count: 204 Word Bytes: 1477 Viewed: 2120 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by the Co.konspirator

8.5

(32 votes)

Rating	Rated by

9	arc

9	Bartleby

7	Beatrice Boyle

7	bissme

10	chapter1

10	Clairesbest

9	daprdan

7	eleutheromaniac

9	Essence

9	etienne

10	Galvatron

9	Idomis

10	JEANNIE45

9	Jessicanm

8	londongrey

9	MzJen1

8	nae411

8	Nitz Kitty

8	Odysseus

8	Penelope

6	penumbra

10	Prometheus ..

9	rcallaci

7	Searching4Ever

10	simone183

8	Smithy

10	Spider

7	Spudley

6	Staggerlee

10	tinalouise

7	Viper9

9	windchime

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Day begins, my eyes
Ward off the assault of the Sand Man;
The visage of your stained-glass face,
Diamond cut,
Ornamented with the finest gems,
Illuminated in the dawning sun,
Welcomes me back to the Land of the Living.
Soft kisses from the Patron Saint of Me
Send me on my way,
With a smile on my face
And a brand new song in my heart.

Morning progresses,
Through daemons' lectures,
Promises of the verdant,
The dream of you,
Shining in Transcendent Glory, remains,
A glorious beacon
Through the clouds and storms
Of day to day life.

Dusk approaches,
The sky’s carmine glow
Signals my escape from the world;
My downtrodden spirit,
Transformed to sable and azure
By the day’s tribulations.
All is calmed and soothed
By the balm of your wondrous voice,
Welcoming my return from the Realm of Sorrows--
The voice of God, Herself,
Through your ruby lips.
A love unknown to generations before,
Expressed in a moment’s touch
From your auric fingertips.

The single greatest feeling in the known Universe
Is knowing I’m loved by you.
No golden goddess is required
For this modern-day Loki;
Only the soft hues
From the stained-glass face
Of my Patron Saint—
My Muse—
My love.

------
'He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise.'
-Lao Tzu

'Tomorrow will take us away,
Far from home--
No one will ever know our names,
But the bards' songs will remain.
Tomorrow, all will be known,
And You're not alone,
So don't be afraid
In the dark and cold
'Cause the bards' songs will remain.
They all will remain
In my thoughts and in my dreams
They're always in my mind....
Come close Your eyes;
You can see them, too.'
Blind Guardian,
The Bard's Song: Into the Forest

Comments

The following comments are for "Stained-Glass Face"
by the Co.konspirator

the write off/CoK
CoK...a gorgeous poem. I like the way you are using the face of your love as the stained glass, yet tie into the traditional "stained-glass" we think of in the sacred with certain of your phrases. This painted a slightly better picture for me, but it was a very difficult decision. I like the effective use of capitalizing certain significant phrases which punches them nicely. the Both entries are excellent!

Claire

( Posted by: Clairesbest [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

William's write-off...
What an exceptional view of the topic. You created such beauty here; beauty that reflected the stained glass in all its intricate colour and design. Your depths of imagery accompanied the journey through your day - touching every sense as I read. Breathtakingly beautiful, luscious poetry. I do wish I could applaud with a keyboard...Namaste

( Posted by: tinalouise [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

If I see it one more time
Ok, before I get to the write off piece I have to get this off my chest.....Tina this in no way reflex how I feel about you and your writing but if I see namaste one....more......time.....I think I'm going to punch the computer screen. EVERYONE is using it now, ugh....Ok I feel some better....:)

Now on to CoK's piece. I prefer this one to Peter's. It had a great flow, was spaced well and the start of it had me feeling like i was waking up myself.

My red hat is off to you in this one. Nice job.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

Write-off/Co.K
The beginning and ending were somewhat cliche in my view. And I would have preferred instead of saying 'Sandman', you made a subtle allusion to Sandman. What can I say, I'm a sucker for subtlety. I didn't really feel either entry, but I'm sure I'm in the minority there. So that's where you lost your 3 points: 7/10.

( Posted by: eleutheromaniac [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

loki/writeoff
Loki just happens to be one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. I love the slightly paganest feel to this piece it lit a fire in my heart.

Your last stanza won me over it was truly beautifu I don't think it was cliche at all.

You both wrote some beautiful verse and rating you both is very difficult but I gave you the slight edge your had a more even flow. (9.00001

warmest regards,
bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: August 23, 2004 )

CoK write-off
You're getting the higher score from me, for the following reasons:
1- Your stained glass is stylized and metaphoric, which earns it a truer poetic belonging
2- Entry of sacred into profane is choreographed along times of the day: nice
3- You allow your reader to imagine all the possibilities surrounding your muse and your love.
4- You allow love to risk approaching its purity
Thank you for this truly fine poem.
Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

'Patron Saint of Me'
If I can quote one moment where this poem lost it's impact, it was here. All about the coil of mortality - how we relate and who we relate to.

I remember a Write Off where Mars was the topic and I went with the celebration of the planet rather than the internal reflections. I'm still of the same opinion. It wouldn't matter to me how expertly this was woven together, it just didn't grab me in the same way as Peter's.

The other thing I noticed was the ending. While you capitalize My Muse you leave love in the lower case. It took away from the impact of the final line, in my opinion.
8/10

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

CoK
Thank you William, I extend my hand for that handshake! (Sorry, I am quite late to respond). Namaste!

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

intriguing
Not quite sure what to make of this at times. While you have a gift for diction and unexpected phrasing, at times I found a self-conscious attempt to be literary that distracted from the poem's natural virtues. Still, there's much the rest of us can learn from you!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

For Sure...
This is a good poem... Your use of the stain glass being more of a metaphorical analogy than actual stain glass is done very well...

But I feel this to be more of a poem to your lover than to the stain glass... Not what I expected somehow...

But in its own right, this poem was very well done... worthy of a 10 on its own... but in the write off, I have to go with the 9...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

CoK
That is a beautiful, timeless piece. It has an heirloom quality...

( Posted by: arc [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

Write off
Hmm.. Another closely matched write off. *sigh* It's always so difficult to score them when they're close like this.

I've given Peter's poem the better score this time round, but it was a hard choice. Neither of them blew me off my feet, but they were both good poems, and enjoyable to read.

I have to give one a higher score, and I've given Peter 8, so I'm afraid I've only given you 7. In reality, it was much closer than that, though.

Thank you :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

Stain Glass
I went back and forth on this for 2 days! Man this was hard. Both poems are very good. Unfortunately I gave the nod to Peter on this one. I was able to connect with his a little better. Still an excellent write.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Moderator] On: August 24, 2004 )

Lovely write William.
This was lovely William...interesting how two people can percieve the same subject through such divergent eyes.

I gave the nod (just barely) to Peter, as I could identify more closely with his, but you weren't far behind.

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

competition.
I simply dislike this kind competition where one has to choose over another. I believe every poem has beauty of their own. I must say both of you have used beautiful colourful words that simply blow my mind away. But Like nae, i feel more connected to peter's work. I just don;t know why. but I do.

( Posted by: bissme [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

vivid and descriptive
I liked the beginning and loved the vivid descriptions but a few lines let you down a little. The one Penelope mentioned about "Patron Saint of Me" and then using "me" again in the next line. Something there just didn't feel right. Overall excellent though and I gave you an 8 and Peter a 9 because his poem had a tormented pathos that was enchanting and drew me in more. smithy

( Posted by: Smithy [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

What I have to say...
... will have to wait until I can get over Viper9's scary clown face. Ugh, nightmares waiting to happen. Ok, sorry.
Dog help me, I liked it. I happen to be of the opinion that tackling a subject as popular and (arguably) overused as love can actually be the most ambitious and original one can do. After all, when originality becomes cliche, what will we have left?
Whoa, what the hell did I just say? Ok, poem. Right. You got the edge this time. You lines were fluid and your language invisible. Now even -I- want to do your girlfriend!

( Posted by: Spider [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

Co.K...
I flet that with this piece you came back and left it, then came back and left it again. The stanzas did not seem to flow all together perhaps like they should had they come from the same thought process, am I making sense??

There was some amazing imagery in this piece that did not seem to tie in with the message. Oh I don't know, I hate giving a critique because I feel guilty afterwards.

I just felt this needed more editing, and that is not something I ever say as I never edit my own!!!!!

Alex :-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

Wow
Great Job William. It was kind of hard for me to decide on the two. Both are really well written. I decided to go with you just because I could actually picture what you are writting about. Great use of words and description.

( Posted by: Prometheus Proffet [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

William
I would like to say my congratulations to you. This write-off thrilled me really, I know it did you as well. I also liked your piece and I would have voted for you, too. How very beautiful to find both our writings in the line-up of write-off with almost the same title, I was so glad you didn't choose to rhyme as well - that made our poems shine like twin stars in heaven, those you see reflecting through a stained glass window at night. Thank you very much, this experience has encouraged me a lot.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 30, 2004 )

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