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Average Rating
8.61

(31 votes)


RatingRated by
8arc
7Bartleby
8Beatrice Boyle
9bissme
9chapter1
9Clairesbest
10daprdan
10DEMONeyesBLUE
6eleutheromaniac
8etienne
7Galvatron
8Idomis
7Jessicanm
10londongrey
10MzJen1
9nae411
9Nitz Kitty
9Odysseus
10Penelope
8penumbra
8Prometheus ..
8rcallaci
9Searching4Ever
7simone183
9Smithy
9Spider
8Spudley
10Staggerlee
10tinalouise
9Viper9
9xeonman

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Let the pure kiss you
Saint Peter,
let the moonbeams
gently touch your head
radiating orange, red
ethereal lights
shining on my forlorn face;
transforming this man
from a mere mortal
to a perpetual work of art.

Dancing with you
as if joining you in afterlife—
my silhouette so outlined
with colors indigo and mauve;
my head borrowing halo,
my wicked heart
scheming for something—
perhaps a slot in heaven?

It is my soul that was stained
last night
and the ones before that
in the taverns
and caverns,
my stubborn flesh
led me to be
so far away from your lord.

Now, I can only seek shelter
under the roofs of your cathedral
but not anymore
under the grace of his love.

And though tainted I am,
bathe me with hallowed moonlights
filtered by your shoulders and arms.
Make me beautiful
if only for tonight
and artificially.


------
*************************************
crystal face I kiss
tongue tastes like sweet cold rain
I fall into pond





Comments

The following comments are for "Stained Glass Saint"
by peterpaulino

lesser redemption
So sad. You write pathos well. Kudos!

( Posted by: Idomis [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

Another new beginning...
Peter, just offering a hearty handshake and a wholly heartfelt 'Namaste' before this Write-Off really gets started. This is a great topic, and I'm really looking forward to what this week brings the both of us.

William

( Posted by: the Co.konspirator [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

Write-off/Peter
I would've given this a 7, but then I would've had to have given Co.K's an 8, because I believe his was just a notch above. And I'm not sure that Co.K's was quite an 8.

The opening five line were great, but I felt it went downhill after that. Like Jess, I felt some of it was just too forced. And, for me anyway, it just didn't seem to flow.

( Posted by: eleutheromaniac [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

beautiful
A beautiful poem, Peter. You have a way with imagery that few others manage, and a gift for reflective sorrow and regret. There were a couple of lines that, I agree with those above, seemed a little forced, so that's why I dropped it to a nine. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

I, On The Other Hand...
Felt the very beginning a bit rough but by the 7th line it seemed to flow better and you visualized for me your shadow, sharing the reflected light and in your heart wanted your spot in heaven... but in the remainder explained why you thought it not possible...

My favorite was

"It is my soul that was stained
last night
and the ones before that
in the taverns
and caverns,
my stubborn flesh
led me to be
so far away from your lord."

Seemingly wanting redemption for the things in your past...

All in all I liked this one best... a 10 in my book...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

Hard choice.
Well, I've given you the better score for this write off, but it was a tough choice. I found I was more able to get to grips with your poem than with you competitor's one; it seemed to be more fully expressed.

Both were good poems though - it was another excellent write off, and well matched as ususal.

Well done :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

ohmygawd
Very very nice, Peter. The second stanza is so moving. Thanks for sharing this!

( Posted by: lasher [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

Stain Glass/Peter
I had to debate myself about this. I wanted to be sure I was being 100% non biased. Both poems were very good, at the end I give you the nod, because I can relate to it better. I too see a church in my minds eye when I think of stain glass. Great job!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

very moving and touching
you have certain way with words. i wish i can be colourful with my words the way you used in your poems. very touching poems. my favourite line is Make me beautiful
if only for tonight

lovely poems.

( Posted by: bissme [Member] On: August 24, 2004 )

That's my boy!
Peter...so sorry this is so late in coming, but I've been having a frustrating couple of days trying to log on to (and staying on) Lit.

This was a beautiful effort, and had such an ethereal ring to it...the colors leapt off the page. Well done! Without prejudice...William's was lovely also...you get the nod on this one.

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

may i step in
my shift key seldom works, pardon me for the lower casing. i dont know the rules in write off whether i should already be stepping in and say my thanks. anyway, i am saying it now to readers and commenters of both mine and williams. like what william said, this is definitely going to bring us something new by the end of the week, in fact, it already did now, this is the first time my work received with so much attention, im blown away. i'd like to reiterate what bartleby was usually saying in write offs, that if someone has rated or commented one piece, he should also go to the other piece and rate and comment as well. thank you.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

soft and soulful
Very nice Peter. A soft ethereal feel that is deeper in emotional confict whereas the other poem is more vivid and descriptive. A 9 for yours and an 8 though they were both excellent. smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

sooo close...
The religious guilt is sad. nice poem but voting number 2...

( Posted by: Galvatron [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

Here are my thoughts...
... if they can truelly be called that. I have to admit that, by no fault of your own, I hold bias against poems with lines about stained souls. It just seems like a description that's been done and done to death. HOWEVER (here's the catch), in this case I was able to make exception upon second reading by applying the phrase to the theme, which it fits. In fact, I think a poem of this theme should be the only kind to use such a phrase, lest one become a goth cliche. Now... um... sorry, got on a tangent and lost my point. Ah, yes, while I can accept a lot of the wording (such as that previously mentioned) as it applies to the theme, I can't seem to overcome my biases enough to fully LIKE them. I loved what you were saying, just, in places, I couldn't bring myself to love how you said it. I have not yet experienced the other poem in this contest, so I'll reserve numerical judgement for such a time. Thanks for sharing your work!

( Posted by: Spider [Member] On: August 25, 2004 )

Peter
It is my soul that was stained
last night
and the ones before that
in the taverns
and caverns,
my stubborn flesh
led me to be
so far away from your lord

This was by far my favourite stanza. I loved the almost msytical way in which you wrote this piece and it had some real originality. I have never thought about my soul being tainted before.

There is growing amount of intensity within your work that is becoming more and more apparent, it is good to see that you are really opening up with your feelings and emotions.

Alex :-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

Sacred mood
Really liked it. I would have droppped the last line, nevermind. good one

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

Well Done
I have really enjoyed this write-off. It is unfair for me to pick between the two. With that being said, I had to give the advantage to the other in this case. I got into at the first, but towards the middle I was felt a little lost. I look forward to more of your work.

( Posted by: Prometheus Proffet [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

Dear Matt and Everybody
Matt, thank you for inviting me to join this write-off. Truly a wonderful experience. Something that I will be proud about. I look forward to commenting and rating in the next write-offs.

Thank you very much to the members and staff who commented and rated. This is so much fun, I also get to know some other members here in Lit. I promise to read your writings too and maybe comment on them. I really appreciate this, hope to see you again in the next write-offs.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 30, 2004 )

Peter...
A gracious handshake, as well as a respectful bow to you, after this week. I think it was pretty much hell on both of us, trying to keep calm while this was going on. I have to commend you on your piece. I really enjoyed it, and, while I was extremely proud of my piece, I knew you would give me a run for my money. Well fought, old boy! Now, get some rest...I couldn't think enough this week to write, I was so nervous...but you've been still writing and commenting like mad. Amazing!

Thank you for providing this piece, a nice contrasting yang to my yin. I know you put your all into it, and am proud to call you friend, as well as rival.

I bow to you, my friend,
William

( Posted by: the Co.konspirator [Member] On: August 30, 2004 )

Bob
Thank you very much for the thought. Thank you...

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: September 1, 2004 )

hey man good stuff
I liked this man, really tight. Moving like a wind


ToM

( Posted by: DEMONeyesBLUE [Member] On: September 1, 2004 )

evocative
beautifully touching. this is a good one.

( Posted by: penumbra [Member] On: September 1, 2004 )





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