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Eyes flash and tail's swoosh
stealth like she prowls and hunts her
prey just for the thrill.

------
CJ Herlihy


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The following comments are for "Huntress"
by CJHerlihy

CJ, Huntress
Hello, CJ!

I really like this and the image it presents, however,this is still reading a bit too much like a sentence broken into three lines to be a haiku. I do love the theme; I've written a longer poem much about the same subject!

You know, I've just found out about a form called a cinquain, which would lend itself well to this haiku, revised, and with just a bit more added. A cinquain *can* read more sentence-like!

The cinquain was created by a woman, around the turn of the last century, (1900) named Adelaide Crapsey. She loved the haiku form and based the cinquain on it, but with an additional twist.

A cinquain is five lines,

L1 - 2 syllables
L2 - 4 syllables
L3 - 6 syllables
L4 - 8 syllables
L5 - 2 syllables



Some more about it and some samples can be found at this link:

shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/cinquain.html

I have also posted one cinquain and have two more on deck. I'm enjoying it quite a lot! I think that you may like this form!

Regards,

Melinda



( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: August 14, 2004 )

thankyou melinda :-)
As always i treasure your insight. I have heard about cinquain somewhere in my travels. So i shall give it a try and see how i might transform my haiku to a cinquain. I know this one in particular reverted back to my first attempts. I believe this poet has one too many pots a simmering on the stove right now....
which one of your poems (title piease) is in cinquain form so that i might have a peek?
thanks again

( Posted by: cjherlihy [Member] On: August 15, 2004 )

CJ, here they are

The ones I have up now are:

'Mapping Waves'

'The Poet'

And part #21 in the Light thread(my title for that one is 'Night Blessings')


No rush for you to try them, I just think it is a form you might enjoy... I know I do!

~smiling~

Melinda



( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: August 15, 2004 )

huntress,trashin cans
FAR BE ME ...haiku is certainly not my vent..but from the instant I read the first two words. I was in the presence of a bushy tail cat,woman who was tired of trashing cans for love.....U tickle me pink when Im blue..with some of the images you can send dancing around in my head

( Posted by: CoCo [Member] On: August 18, 2004 )

Serenum and CoCo
I thank you both so much.

Serenum I shall go and read your cinquain, and explore playing with that format myself. I have been wickedly busy of late, but definitely want to. I appreciate your guidance very much and enjoy what I have read of yours so far. :-)

CoCo...I thank you too for your kind comment. I am happy to make someone tickled pink at any time especially if they are feeling blue.

Pease and angels to you both ladies

( Posted by: CJHerlihy [Member] On: August 19, 2004 )





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