The following comments are for "Huntress" by CJHerlihy
I really like this and the image it presents, however,this is still reading a bit too much like a sentence broken into three lines to be a haiku. I do love the theme; I've written a longer poem much about the same subject!
You know, I've just found out about a form called a cinquain, which would lend itself well to this haiku, revised, and with just a bit more added. A cinquain *can* read more sentence-like!
The cinquain was created by a woman, around the turn of the last century, (1900) named Adelaide Crapsey. She loved the haiku form and based the cinquain on it, but with an additional twist.
Some more about it and some samples can be found at this link:
I have also posted one cinquain and have two more on deck. I'm enjoying it quite a lot! I think that you may like this form!
Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: August 14, 2004
thankyou melinda :-)
As always i treasure your insight. I have heard about cinquain somewhere in my travels. So i shall give it a try and see how i might transform my haiku to a cinquain. I know this one in particular reverted back to my first attempts. I believe this poet has one too many pots a simmering on the stove right now....
which one of your poems (title piease) is in cinquain form so that i might have a peek?
Posted by: cjherlihy [Member] On: August 15, 2004
CJ, here they are
The ones I have up now are:
And part #21 in the Light thread(my title for that one is 'Night Blessings')
No rush for you to try them, I just think it is a form you might enjoy... I know I do!
Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: August 15, 2004
FAR BE ME ...haiku is certainly not my vent..but from the instant I read the first two words. I was in the presence of a bushy tail cat,woman who was tired of trashing cans for love.....U tickle me pink when Im blue..with some of the images you can send dancing around in my head
Serenum I shall go and read your cinquain, and explore playing with that format myself. I have been wickedly busy of late, but definitely want to. I appreciate your guidance very much and enjoy what I have read of yours so far. :-)
CoCo...I thank you too for your kind comment. I am happy to make someone tickled pink at any time especially if they are feeling blue.
Pease and angels to you both ladies
Posted by: CJHerlihy [Member] On: August 19, 2004
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