Yeah, I went and saw Blade 2. My excuse? Ron Perlman (The City of Lost Children) is in it. I like Ron Perlman. So I saw Blade 2.
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Folks, this is not nearly so bad a movie as it could have been. Knowing sequels, and the penchant Hollywood has for consigning them into oblivion, this is not a bad movie at all. The schtick goes like this:
Blade is still around, mooshing vampires left and right. One day he is approached by these two vampires who want to offer him a truce. The ruling body of the vampire nation has a bigger problem than Blade on their hands. Seeing as how these days Blade can kill vampires as easily as you or I might bite off the head of a marshmallow peep, it must be a big problem indeed. It is. There's a new strain of vampire out there, called a Reaper. They're led by Reaper badass Nomak, who's making more of them at an exponential rate. So Blade teams up (sort of) with a group of vampires called The Bloodpack, led by our man Ron Perlman. The Bloodpack is interesting, they've each got their little gimmick. Discerning moviegoers will note the prescence of Honk Kong Action Movie legend Donnie Yen among their number. They kick copious amounts of ass. So Blade and Co. head out to destroy the Reapers. They kill them all, dump Nomak down the incinerator, and kick back with blood & tonics for the rest of the movie.
Okay, maybe not. But it would've been interesting.
I came away from this movie with the impression that it had been done by two completely different people. First you have Script Man. Script Man likes Blade. He's also a pretty good writer, all things considered. Script Man writes an exciting, fast-paced thriller with lots of character development and plenty of snappy one-liners. He comes away with a very good movie (for an action movie) and gives it to the moviemakers. Then they call in Action Guy. Action Guy likes action. A lot of it. He also likes pro wrestling. He has a vague idea who Blade is. Action Guy takes the script, scribbles over the really long paragraphs, and says 'Okay, dude. Here's where we're putting the Really Cool Ninjasword Battle, and over here, where all this exposition is, we'll put the 'Really Really Cool Pool of Blood Battle. Oh yeah, and over here, where this good ending is...' Yeah. Action Guy.
So what do we end up with? On the one hand, you've got an action movie with a decent storyline, gripping characters, and a few nice plot twists. Then you have the battles. The battles are long, and they've got CGI. Gobs of it. There are times where Blade is rendered entirely in CGI, and it shows. This is bad, and believe me, if you don't laugh at least once during the final battle, I will be very surprised.
When all the little vampire flakes have been swept up, Blade II gets 6 out of 10 stars. Somebody smack Action Guy.
Scene to Watch For: The Ron Perlman scene. Any of them.
Most Memorable Line: "Some of us can't see in the dark! What am I supposed to do, ya f*ckin' nipplehead?"
Things that make you go 'Huh?': The final battle. The big motherraping pool of blood. The point of Whistler's continued existence.
"Quit this world, quit the next world, quit quitting!" -Sufi proverb.