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Do you truly enjoy pouring salt on mine wounds or is it just for show?
Are you as pure as you seem to be or are you simply a ho?
I have yet to discover the nature of your actions.
You’re still an enigma to me.
Your motivations and passions are still not clear to me.
I don’t know you like I should yet I’m willing to show you every piece of my soul.
I’m willing to love you yet you are not willing to work things out.
You stand there speechless and don’t even flinch when you see pieces of my soul fall apart.
As you ignore the fading timbre of my beating heart, slowly accepting it’s end as you over see my demise, I feel so stupid.
And I feel so stupid to feel this way.


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The following comments are for "“Dumb”"
by viewsocruel

Needs work...
viewsocruel, this reads more like a journal than poetry to me. The subject is good. The individual thoughts are valid. But the rhythm isn't there for free-verse, that I can see.

Maybe it's just me or maybe this just isn't my preferred style, though I love free-verse. It's still got to flow with the forces of power and ebb, like beach waves. No two alike yet rhythmic: that's free-verse.

Bet if you tried again, keeping the thought of each line intact but paying more attention to the rhythm, it'd be a 10!

Think RAP!

( Posted by: MaxiiJ [Member] On: August 17, 2004 )

Ditto MaxiiJ
No rhythm, no flow, misspellings. This needs work.

( Posted by: Odysseus [Member] On: August 17, 2004 )

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