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8False Dawn

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You have captured my heart with your words.
Where my heart held a steady beat,
it is now pounding.
It begs me to succumb and
set it free,
thus leaving me naked and exposed.
My heart aches for your words
to be true and fulfilled.
Knowing this will never happen
has left a void in my soul.
You have pierced a part of me
that I thought was lost to all man.
You make me want you.
Senses have awakened that should have
remained undisturbed.
Your words make me need you.
My world will have no part of you.
I am breathless and speechless,
utterly in awe of you.

I am on a journey. Looking for Me. Everyday I get a little closer. The more time goes by the more I realize I'm always changing. This journey could take forever... Renae L. Soler

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The following comments are for "In Awe..."
by nae411

pretty as a picture...
you're certainly special

( Posted by: CoCo [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Great work!
Very nice job. You write with such insight! Thank you.

( Posted by: Everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Lovely and fluffy but...
I dunno, it just lacked that little edge of poetry. I mean, if someone said this to me, I'd be flattered, but it wouldn't make me fall for them completely. I think that's the difference between feeling the emotion and expressing it to its limits - there's boundaries you need to knock down here to make this better.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

In Awe
This is an awesome read,,,Thanks for sharing it...we all write differently, that what makes an Author so special in his/her own way...


( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: August 11, 2004 )

False Dawn/Windchime and friends...
Coco, Tina, Everybodyelseisgirl,Thank you so much for your comments. I love reading from you all. You are the one's that are so special! Namaste :0)

False Dawn, about the boundaries, you are absolutly right, I am working on that. Thanks.

Lucie, you are too funny, no, no affair yet (JK), poets only dream, that is the extent of it. I am a good girl, behave to the very end, ahem...



( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 11, 2004 )

Has anyone felt the girl's pain here? I do, and it is somehow bittersweet. If you remember my pome 'Fade 1', your first line makes me remember my line: I still recall how your voice was the first time,/so innocent, unaware of my snare. Because of an element of deceit I perceived here, when words are a tool to capture someone.

This line 'Senses have awakened that should have/remained undisturbed' makes me remember then my line in 'I Wonder': 'rob me/of the contentment/I once had having not known
your touch. These two poems of mine which I mentioned are very special because you commented on them during my earlier days here in lit. I am mentioning them just to point out why I could very well connect with you in this poem.

This is just perfect, Renae. I assure you, you did great here.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 13, 2004 )

in awe.. a progression

I must say I agree with Peter, there is a certain sense of pain int he narrator's voice here... the want of something she knows she cannot have, and the guilt that comes from that want.. I'm sure that this experience is something that most people can relate to and you have made it completely accessible.. Good job!

This work makes it obvious that you are growing as a writer, and I'm glad we have the benefit of watching that growth...


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: August 13, 2004 )

Peter and Bart
Thank you Peter, your continual comments uplift me and make me want to write forever more!

Bart, thank you so much. I do feel I am growing here. Little by little I am feeling the confidence to write whatever comes to mind. Thank you.


( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 13, 2004 )

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