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8False Dawn

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I walk with a silent smile
passing across my lips
in emotions erupting
from your sweet words.

You transferred my life
into one of love and
tenderness I dared not
believe would exist in my world.

You hand me a tear shaped
stone, as if you knew
it would give me comfort
in moments of sadness.

But with you sadness
is not a part of my world
it abandons me sadly,
leaving me content.

I crave your presence
in the metamorphosis
of my beating heart
that was once still.

You have brought love
to an abandoned field
of mercy that was crippled
from life's trials.

Now a shelter for roses
I take your hand and place it
upon my heart.
A new promise.

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding" Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

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The following comments are for "A Promise"
by Serendipity

It's a promising poem (*groan*) but there are tweaks needed to it - firstly, how exactly is a smile anything but silent? lol, or is that just me being silly? I liked tear-shaped stone and shelter for roses, but I think you need to build round these images more. And stop using sad so much in one stanza - it's saddening.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

this is beautiful and comforting. a new promise is indeed nice and assuring. :)

( Posted by: ^white [Member] On: August 22, 2004 )

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