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She still haunts my shower
With her threadbare water gown,
Droplets lazily, inactively caressing,
Then falling from view.
The bath in which she stood
Has been reused, cleaned, washed out,
The mat she stood on
Disposed, destroyed, lying dormant
On a rubbish tip,
But her ghost, the shadow
Of her form still showers
In my bathtub, before
Taking my former hand, smiling,
Towelling down until semi-dry
And walking off into the house
We once called ours.

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The following comments are for "Venus Emerges From The Sea"
by False Dawn

It is taken from a selection of poems, this being the first in a series entitled "A Memory", but they aren't linked together as such, apart from the fact that they're all memories or metaphors for memories.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

venus emerges from the sea
Nice!...compact and, as windchime told, no sentimentality. you have a way of expressing things with a fair degree of pithiness. this is something i am working on in my own stuff--i think what the process is, rather that honing or "training" the poem, it is training the brain...
better output all around that way. and that way, you don't have to peck around in your head anymore for the right word, laboring from word to word, poem after poem.
i consider training in poetry to be essential to training for stories and especially novels. after poetry, the rest is relatively easy. you can simply write a short story or a novel as a prose poem that is more prosaic than a poem (a mouthful..i'm famous for writing those...).

( Posted by: MichaelS [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

Venus emereged
False Dawn, how is that I am missing so many good writer's lately? I really enjoyed this, your wording is superb!


( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 9, 2004 )

Thanks Nae
Though I don't blame you for missing me - I've been away quite a long time :D

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 9, 2004 )

The Sea
This is great...You do have a way with words...
I loved each line...super-duper!


( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

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