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9False Dawn
10nae411
10Teflon

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Naked

We sing the tempo of our mothers
skins molded by gentle fire
We defy chastity
like butterflies

We are naked
Our minds defiant
against tide’s excursions
and society’s hypocritical kitsch

We ran from our fathers
and bulls who could not see
the colors of our skins...
We can smell their acrimony

We walk this thriving metropolis
stage our own haikus and kabukis
Our laughter braids
the wind in ribbons

You, me, us
We have run a long stretch
mounted each swell
and swam our
passions within...


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Comments

The following comments are for "Naked"
by Shakti

Shakti
I notice you write with such openness, your words are often daring and still managed to be unadulterated. You give justice to your name 'Shakti', you write with the enchantment of a goddess.

I especially like this part: 'We defy chastity
like butterflies', not because there's 'butterflies' in it but that you held up the entire piece with such a thought-provoking line!

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

enchanted
by your kind comments and gentlemanly flattery... this is one of my "i-wanna-make-a-statement kind of poems"... a tribute to people whose laughter braids the wind in ribbons...people like you and other awesome poets...

( Posted by: Shakti [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Shakti
I just know people here in lit will enjoy this new one coming from you. Always, very good pieces. ;D

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Naked
Shakti, You definately succeeded with your"want to make a statement poem!" Beautiful!!!!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

lets get naked
Shakti, I must admit this is the first time I've read you. and I loved every word of it. it's hard to choose a favorite line, but if I had to it would be, "Our laughter braids
the wind in ribbons". You braided me into this poem. wonderfully done, and beautiful read. I'm looking forward to more.
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Skinny dipping
I'm on the same page as Reba. This is the first poem of yours I have read. Loved it. The last four lines are simply outstanding...

We have run a long stretch
mounted each swell
and swam our
passions within...

Beautifully done.

( Posted by: bmartinez [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Hypocritical kitsch
It's a good poem, and you word some phrases beautifully - but society's hypocritical kitsch? Sounds a bit too ranty for my liking and really jars against the soft touch of the rest of the poem.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

shakti!!!!!!
You have outdone yourself, what more can you give us! Reading this one I caught my breathe and sat so quiet. It was so beautiful. huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

WOW...thanks
wow... i have thought a dozen times before posting this poem because i was afraid that it would be too "ranty". You're right Falsedawn- i wanted "hypocritical kitsch" to be that jarring piece in the whole flow...like a lipstick mark on a pristine white cover... every time i read it - it always creates a little ball of dislike inside me and i like that because that's how i feel about how society tends to gloss reality... (whew!)

( Posted by: shakti [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )





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