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7False Dawn

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Three girls bathe in Venus Pools. ABCDerian

Acting on a fanciful whim
Bathing in a sylvan pool
Coming here to live out a dream
Darkened only by shadows cool.
Everglades of Constables ilk
Fail to mirror the beauty here
Gums of honey, shade skins of milk
Happiness ripples on water clear.
Into this idyll flash tiny bush bees
Just as the cockatoos enter the glen
Kissing each blossom with comical ease
Lifting their wings like perfect showmen.
Molly reaches and lifts her smock
Nellie reacts with a giggle of joy
Over her head pulls her wet poplin frock
Penny divest of all but her coy.
Quiet now descends on this lovely scene
Resting on rocks older than time
Smoothed by waters that come from between
Towering rockface and soft wild thyme.
Undoing hair pins and just like girls
Vying with each other for the curliest falls
Wishing, each one, for wedding furls.
Xavier told them last night at the ball
“You’ll know whom I love, when I’m back from the war”.
Zulu wars, sadly, could undo them all.

------
Not the poem which we have read, but that to which we return, with the greatest pleasure, possesses the power and claims the name of essential poetry.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Venus Pools (ABCDerian)"
by Huni

Venu Pools
Dearest Huni, so glad you posted this here. Your writing is superb young lady!!! Love this piece!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 7, 2004 )

ABCDerians Winchime
I took up a challenge on the forums to try one of these, windchime. Using the alphabet to construct a poem. They need not rhyme, tho' I think so far they all have. I'll put another that I have done, on soon. I wrote it to gross out Nae - think it worked as well! lol h.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

Nae
Young lady - I could almost be your mum, I'm sure, so thank you for that!! huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

Huni
Hey Huni I am 36, you sure about that? :0)
Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

Jerky
I can see what you're trying to do, and how you've completed the challenge, but the poem feels way too contrived for its own good. If you're going to do something like this, it has to sound at least semi-natural so that it stands better as a stand-alone poem without the structure, if you understand what I mean.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

I do
False dawn I do understand what you mean, I read one in this form a few days ago and completely forgot I was reading an ABCDerian. Thanks for commenting.

Nae, okay, big sister anyway!! regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: August 8, 2004 )

Huni
Ok then, Big sister! We are both young ladies! LOL

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: August 9, 2004 )





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