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Who I was? I was a woman struggling within and trying to shout.
Something is wrong, this is not the real me, please let me out.
Realizing I had been living a lie pretending to be straight.
Then I accepted the new me even after a long twenty year wait.
Upon looking back I realized to women I was drawn.
It was as if a veil had lifted and a new day had dawned.
Believing in myself, the real me brought me such bliss.
I craved for the touch of a woman, that first soft kiss.
And I yearned for her essence and femininity.
Then I rebuffed any and all types of male sexuality.
I was fearful too that my attraction would bring on rejection.
Would family and friends support my new found direction?
My life at that time brought parental joys and marital tears.
I stayed for my children despite my husbandly induced fears.
Finally the repression and depression was too much to handle.
My inner light was flickering and was frail like the flame of a candle.
I had to decide for myself and to hell with what others thought.
Or else I would feel like I was stuck in a web and forever caught.
Somehow I dug deep and mustered the strength to carry this heavy load.
To strike out on my own, face the unknowns and start down that new road.
An extremely difficult divorce I then had to endure.
Some men can be such bastards especially when scorned.
Kismet blessed me with a beautiful and devoted partner.
And forever we will be in love and stand by each other.
Three years have gone by now and I have not one single regret.
Who I am now? I am happy and I still have so much more living to do yet.

CJ Herlihy

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The following comments are for "? Who I Was - Who I Am ?"
by cjherlihy

Who I Was
The sentiments in this poem are absolute. It makes me happy to see people coming into their own. It's evolution happening, right before the eyes. Congratulations! I don't know you but I sure as hell am proud of you! It's hard to decide for yourself, when basic conditioning pays lip service to the need to do so, but sure as hell undermines that need by required action. Blessed be for breaking the bond!

( Posted by: mzjen1 [Member] On: August 4, 2004 )

thanks so much mzjen1
You have no idea how much your comment means to me....I will take any blessings I can. :-)
Your kind words fill me with pride and joy.

( Posted by: cjherlihy [Member] On: August 4, 2004 )

but truth, men can be bastards, but we get hurt too you should consider that

( Posted by: silent [Member] On: August 4, 2004 )

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