I Drift Alone
by Reba (Member) - published: July 25, 2004
Word Count: 96 Word Bytes: 780 Viewed: 824 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by Reba

8.8

(5 votes)

Rating	Rated by

9	chapter1

10	daprdan

10	Serendipity

9	windchime

6	xitwound117

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I drift alone,
in my thoughts.
Down the highway of Remembrance,
where all exits lead to you.

I drift alone,
in my dreams.
Into the passage-ways of your arms,
where empty pillows are lavendar fields.

I drift alone,
in my tears.
Down into the iris' of your eyes,
where love cannot be concealed.

I drift alone,
in my heart.
Into the cave of helpless desire,
where the walls echo your name.

I drift alone,
in my prayers.
Down the valley of endless hope.
Maybe one day you'll meet me there.

Until then,
I'll drift...
Alone.

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Comments

The following comments are for "I Drift Alone"
by Reba

drift alone
This beautiful poem has the mechanics, built into it, for "lacing" the reader right into itself, with each stanza's song of rapprochement. You do this in a way that captivates without entrapping. Your choice of "I drift" rather that "I am" contributes to that process and liberates the reader from another one of those "unwanted solitude" poems.
Another thing of beauty here is that this is a love poem in which the word "love" appears only once. Right smack in the center of the poem, "the iris of your eyes/where love cannot be concealed", a powerful, undeniable affirmation. I liked this poem very much. Thank you for posting it.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: July 25, 2004 )

Not bad
windchime was right, the writing very much has a "lacing" effect, but the subject is perhaps a bit too cliche. Personally, I think desire and being alone have long since been overwritten-about. Written well, lacking in subject matter. Anyhow, pretty good job.

( Posted by: xitwound117 [Member] On: July 25, 2004 )

I drift alone...
Reba,

So happy to have you back!!! This poem is beautiful, I especially like the ending. You ended with such a beautiful invitation.

"Down the valley of endless hope.
Maybe one day you'll meet me there.

Until then,
I'll drift...
Alone."

Great job!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

drifting
Thank you all for your remarks :)
I realize that the subject matter is something that's been done a million and one times, but how can we stop writing about something so powerful as love?...I tried to put it into words that would make it my own, and I feel pretty good about how it came out. (especially after the wonderful comments!) Claire is right, this poem was not written in angst (something I try very hard to avoid), but more about the beauty and power of love that we hold for just one person.
Thanks to all of you for reading and responding. I appreciate all the comments :)
and it's great to be back ;)
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

non cliche :)
This was lovely, in a haunting way that makes you read slowly and take each nuance in. Agreeing with Claire, all subjects have the potential to become cliche, but I don't think this is the case here, there is an interesting effect with which you write that brings a new light to it all. Nicely done :)

( Posted by: De`esse [Member] On: August 5, 2004 )

I Agree...
This and nearly every other subject could be considered cliché especially love, but this is your journey and it is done very well...

You expressed how it affects you, what more could there be in subject matter, but your view of it...

I thought it was very calming and soothing and enjoyed it very much Thank you for sharing it...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: August 5, 2004 )

drifts
thank you for your comments :)
I am delighted to see that this piece is being read the way that I intended it.
I take each and every comment gratefully, whether the individual reader liked the piece or not. But it's always wonderful to hear that it is recieved well!
Thank you for your time, and sharing your remarks with me.
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: August 5, 2004 )

Reba-drifts
This is the style that I always loved to read. With necessary dramatic repititions of lines and introspective follow-up lines in every stanza, and of course, a killer finale! 'Empty pillows are lavender fields' is just one outstanding line! I like its sadness... Reba.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: August 5, 2004 )

Ellipsis Gripe
I have a gripe about the ellipsis (pardon my spelling) you've used in the final verse - it always annoys me, I'm afraid, seeing ellipses used in such a way and I feel I must speak up and voice my Anti-ellipses feelings.

Seriously though, ellipses are very overdone in all forms of literature, and to use them as a pause - well, just imagine the way comic book superheroes use their pauses - and Captain Kirk - do you really want to have your poem ending up like a stuttering starship captain whose middle name is Tiberius? :S

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 10, 2004 )

Emotional
Reba, this made me so emotional. I love to read your writing.....and I just want you to know...I know that path of endless hope you are talking about. It's good to keep believing!

( Posted by: Serendipity [Member] On: October 15, 2004 )

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