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all i know is that there are two kinds of people in this world: lesbians, and people that like to watch lesbians. of course, there are also mormons, but mormons are small and furry and not really human. marmots, that is. rodents from utah. filthy things, but nice pan-fried with a bit of horseradish and some marmite. wrapped in a tea-cozy and spirited out of the county in a body cavity, then rotated on a spit with some mice. yeah, i said mice - adding flavor to the meal, a few mice, like in the soup with some leeks (sliced thin), garlic, canneloni and a few mormon bones (save the head for stock). but nothing is written in stone: no mice? pigeons are fine, and two southern baptists can be substituted for a mormon (please see the conversion scale in appendix II). note: do not use methodists, as they may curdle.

a fellow i know, whose bob shall remain bobless, once strangled some goats he'd bought on e-bay and then tried to pass off the bones as evidence he was a serial killer. hoping to get into the record books, poor bastard. man didn't know shit about faux serial killing. me, what i do, and i don't know what reason i should tell you cept i'm drunk and you buyin' me a beer, ain't you honey, is i fly to tblisi where they have the bone auction every july, buy a bag of bones, bring 'em home, then scatter 'em along the jersey turnpike or whatever. then you write a letter, all scary and creepy, sayin' you the "new jersey turnpike killer". next day, cover of the NY Post, guaranteed. i can teach you how to do this WITH NO MONEY DOWN!

i can also teach you how to throw a baseball like a faggot. i can show you, on my video, how to turn your sister into a ho for a steady income, sell a dead man's sneakers FOR PROFIT, and how to buy crack in Sharon, Connecticut. i will show you, - why? because i love you! - how to vote for ralph nader USING NOTHING BUT GOOD INTENTIONS and two brain cells! shoot your dog? simple - except when arthritis flares up. you know you wanna be like me, dawg.

vote. and take your pills. all at once, because you're too weak for 2005.

funny jeffrey!



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The following comments are for "*i'm dead too*!*"
by mercer102

* i'm dead too! *
so happy to have a college girl looking out for my best literary options. i'll tell my agent right quick! thanks, kiddo


( Posted by: mercer102 [Member] On: October 16, 2004 )

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