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Pony sips from still pond
breeze ripples peaceful surface
reflections waver




2003MKL

------
"I place these moments in my pocket
to be pulled
at the rush of noon,
the crush of three...
when tears come,
when words must learn to be enough..." MKL


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The following comments are for "pony haiku"
by Serenem

National Geographic Pony, a Thread:
Pony at the watering hole,
Water reflects no shadows,
Of a tiger and a wolf,
Drinking the blood of a gazelle
Downed miles away
On the TV-pretty Serengeti plain...
{^#*^!@}

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

great poem........
I had two horses growing up so I loved the subject. However the first line has six syllables instead of five.

Alex

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

I am still mystified
I have no idea of the syllables per line formula for haiku. Or I can't count...syllables.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

Claire', you reminded me.
Of the nights I spent at Five Points South in Birmingham. That's why I can't count the syllables!
I once studied Japanese. Dropped the course. But I remember that all of the syllables in each word are accented, hence in Japanese, the haiku formula is easy to maintain. Especially that a syllable is already a word (ni, shi, ko)
In English I have a problem- "tickles" -it sounds like one syllable. I suspect it is two.

Back in '87 I have written a bunch of lines about 5 Points. Will post soon.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: July 26, 2004 )

poor serenem......!!!!!
all of these posts discussing haiku, it doesn't make it any less lovely!!!!! I'm sorry I said that now, LOL! Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry :-)

Alex

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: July 27, 2004 )

pony haiku
Melinda, you show us a lovely image of a pony here, so the case of the six syllables in the first line, we dismiss! LOL (I like Teflon's sense of humor) Thanks for writing this simple one to entertain our simple hearts.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: July 27, 2004 )

Nice pony..
Like this haiku very much, ser..
Tef: "National Geographic Pony", that's hilarous. LOL!

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: July 27, 2004 )

pony
this is my first post here so i'm a bit nervous, because i don't know what kind of site this is.

i like the idea in this haiku, but it's not as precise & consice as some of your others...
sorry - should i be more encouraging than this?

( Posted by: myron [Member] On: August 6, 2004 )

time to feed the pony haiku
Ya'll make me laugh, thanks!!

I love all these responses, brought me a much needed belly laugh!

Tef: Love your response haiku, it's perfect!

Claire, thanks for filling in for me with explanations; you did great!(and I've actually been writing in less syllables, lately!

Alex, obviously, I love horses, too-- got a real beauty right now; a sweet bay 3/4 arabian mare. Ummmm. yeah, I've been writing haiku with less syllables, but this one was pure error! I made a last minute word change and completely miscounted! You've got a sharp eye, sir! Thanks for your kindness!

Peter, you are such a forgiving soul... thank you for being you, you are a blessing.

Dr.killdare, thanks for the smile, I appreciate your kind words!

Pen! Yeppers, this haiku and that painting are inspired by each other! Thanks!


Myron! I'm so glad to see you here! Lit.org will only be improved by your presence! Don't be nervous-- jump right in... they are a great bunch of people here. Any comment is fine as long as it isn't an unwarranted attack. You are such a gentleman, that I hardly doubt you could say anything wrong. Honest comments and critique are welcome, here! And, yes, this is one of my older haikus, written before I started experimenting with more 'concise' 'ku!

Thanks to you all!

Love and respect,

Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: August 7, 2004 )





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