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9Teflon

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My soul flutters still from the fire of one gentle kiss

While I unthreaded the harsh memory of others
She busily stitched her love throughout my heart

The touch of her skin, so soft,
It became overpowering
No... An irresistible abyss

As I watched her slumber that night
I felt a warmth radiate through me
Her spirit so irresistible and domineering
As to be onerous to my senses and...

That could I be consumed by her
I would...
For being only just a part of her virtue
Would be worth the value of loosing myself
To her, my Healingspirit

------
Daniel Lloyd Kennedy


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Comments

The following comments are for "Consumed By Her"
by daprdan

Consumed by her
I hope you know the song by Kenny Rogers, 'She Believes In Me' revived by Ronan Keating (with some alterations in its lyrics), because this one's better to be read with that song playing. I like this very much, Sir Dan.

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: July 23, 2004 )

I Am...
Honored, that this form of verse is so well accepted... I guess I could try this style for awhile...

Please let me know if it even begins to loose anything, I simply wish to be clear in my thoughts and writing, if I loose any of that I will adjust, this is a new venue for me...

It is the female gender that imposes the beauty in this world. Whether the writing is done BY them or OF them, beauty is still the common denominator. It merely awaits the truth be told... (and you can quote me on that...)

Again, Thank You for such a positive response to something as simple as my thoughts and feelings...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 23, 2004 )

Abyss
I'm lost in the abyss this created for me. I love that place and your poem, daprdan. Keep up this form, as it suits you well. regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: July 24, 2004 )

I Missed One...
Huni... I'm sorry I haven't been back to this for awhile with work, and the Masquerade Ball and all, I'm trying some more of this style, but with out feed back it would be much harder... I need it to know if it is working, thank you for your feedback it helps...

Tina, the lovely and talented, thank you for the review, yours I trust with implicitly, as I know from where it comes... and know the truth is all you can give... it's rewarding when you comment in any fashion to me...

Lilia, I speak from the heart that is touched... It is a reflection only of that touch and what is remembered, felt and yet longs to feel in the future... A hard man, with warm heart learning to live again...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: September 6, 2004 )

Sensitive Man
Sensual it is. Though you can write a sequel where this stanza, for example, gets this treatment (a general idea):

As I watched her slumber that night
I felt a warmth radiate through me
Her spirit [so irresistible and domineering]
[can be shorter, passionate English words]
As to be [onerous--same here] to my senses and...

In other words, less Latin, more short, Anglo-Saxon.
An excellent lecture on this is Orwell's Polics of English.

( Posted by: teflon [Member] On: September 6, 2004 )

@Teflon, True ...
I have learned a lot from you in only one day... what's that about an old dog? Wrong... I like first the way you bring to the attention the one you wish to respond to with the @ sign in the subject... Impressssiiiive...

The shorter words do make it more personal in nature and fit the context of the intent even more than the weak adverb/adjectives do anyway...

I will make the changes you suggest and thank you for the help... Thanks also for the tip on the lecture...

Grazie, tu e molto gentile, a anche molto Teflon...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: September 6, 2004 )

Consumed
Dan, I have always appreciated your writing, but the last 3 poems I have read from you keep getting better and better. This is so lovely.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: September 7, 2004 )

the Orwell essay, for all

Here's that essay, Politics and the English Language.

http://www.resort.com/~prime8/Orwell/patee.html

An indespensable equal to the Elements of Style.

( Posted by: teflon [Member] On: September 7, 2004 )





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